Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.
A terribly sad version of the expression, “Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink,” often comes to mind whenever I am approached by single parents (usually mothers) asking me to assist them in finding a caring, responsible adult to take their child or children (usually their son or sons) to shul on Shabbos and/or Yom Tov.
I am very well aware that many of our decent, caring readers may find it incredulous that people in our vibrant, bustling communities are struggling with this dilemma. Trust me, though, when I say that this is a very real challenge for many of the brave and frightened single parents in our kehillos. I’ve lost track of the number of times in the 11 years since Project Y.E.S. was founded that I was approached by single mothers who requested that I help make arrangements for someone to take their son(s) to shul. Countless others have asked me for an eitzah regarding the appropriate response to their son who categorically refuses to go to shul alone.
I am fully aware that the data may be skewed upward in my particular instance due to my family background. My father passed away shortly before my fourth birthday and my amazing, resilient mother raised my two siblings and me as a single parent for two years before remarrying. And since I have mentioned this in my lectures and writings, I assume that many single parents may feel more comfortable discussing these issues with me – as they suppose I will be more sensitive to their reality. But even factoring in that information, there are still far too many children in our communities who fall into the subset for whom Shabbasos and especially Yomim Tovim are very challenging times.
From my vantage point, there are a number of societal factors that contribute to this growing phenomenon. Our communities have, Baruch Hashem, expanded, as has the size of our families. The divorce rate is rising and there at least seems to be a spike in the number of people who are, r”l, passing away and leaving younger children behind.
Another significant sociological factor is that a far greater percentage of frum people nowadays (especially younger couples) are abandoning smaller communities and deciding to live in metropolitan areas with large Jewish populations. Lost in the anonymity of big-city life, many individuals in our community who need a personal, nurturing touch are finding that it is an elusive quest in the bustling setting that is big-city life.
There is much you can do to help single parents and their children:
· Invite a single parent and his/her children for a Shabbos/Yom Tov meal or two.
· Offer to take the boys (and perhaps girls) to shul, and have them sit with you.
· Before or during Yom Tov, please consider offering childcare for a single parent so that she/he can unwind, go for a walk, or just have some precious quiet time. With school out, single parents are on call literally 24/7.
· Please afford single parents and their children privacy and dignity by doing your best to avoid asking them uncomfortable questions. After my father passed away, b’shem tov, all I ever heard during my formative years was people telling me what a wonderful person he was. Nevertheless, all these years later, I still remember my discomfort and the feeling of what-in-the-world-am-I-supposed-to-say listening to all sorts of comments made by well-intentioned people.
I cannot even begin imagining what it is like to be a child whose parents are in the middle of a messy divorce. Our rich and timeless tradition mandates that we begin the Seder by inviting guests to join us at our Seder table. I suggest that we broaden that concept this year, and as we approach the child-centered holiday of Pesach, we look around our neighborhoods and see what we can do to ensure that all our children experience true simchas Yom Tov in the welcoming embrace of our communities.
A recurring theme in the stirring words of our nevi’im (Yeshaya 1; Yirmiyahu 9) is that the Jews of those times were concentrating far too much on spiritual trappings (bringing karbanos) and not enough on the essence of Hashem’s Torah (honesty, integrity and kindness). It was certainly a great mitzvah to purchase and bring karbanos to the Beis HaMikdash. But as the navi relates, those mitzvos were mere adornments to the core values of our Torah. And the navi clearly describes what the Jews needed to do in order to redeem themselves. “Strengthen the victim, and take up the cause of the yasom/almanah” (Yeshaya 1:16-17). After all, supporting those among us who are weak and who find it challenging to conduct their lives with simchas hachayim is the very essence of Hashem’s Torah.
In these troubling times, we ought to strive to fulfill the timeless charge of Yirmiyahu, “Become wise and [get to] know Me [contemplate how to better emulate the ways of Hashem], for I am Hashem who does kindness, justice and righteousness” (Yirmiyahu 9:23).
In the zechus of our efforts to comfort Hashem’s children, may He comfort us with the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash – where we can participate in the korban Pesach in all its glory.
About the Author: Rabbi Yakov Horowitz is founder and dean of Yeshiva Darchei Noam and founder and director of Agudath Israel's Project Y.E.S.
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While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.
Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.
There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.
In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.
This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).
While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.
Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.
The interpreter was expected to be a talmid chacham himself and be able to also offer explanations and clarifications to the students.
“When Frank does something he does it well and you don’t have to worry about dotting the i’s or crossing the t’s.”
“On Sunday I was at the Kotel with the battalion and we said a prayer of thanks. In Gaza there were so many moments of death that I had to thank God that I’m alive. Only then did I realize how frightening it had been there.”
Neglect, indifference or criticism can break a person’s neshama.
Those of us familiar with the do’s and don’ts of accepted practice in the mental health profession saw similar blaring warning lights in our minds, as should have occurred when the facts were made public regarding the accusations against Nehemia Weberman. This case may very well be our community’s most important abuse trial during our lifetimes. It is imperative that we have a huge turnout in support of the victim, a courageous young lady who, may she be gezunt andge’bentched, is determined to see this through to the end so others won’t suffer like she did.
These lines are written in loving memory of our dear father, Reb Shlomo Zev ben Reb Baruch Yehudah Nutovic, a”h, whose first yahrzeit is 7 Menachem Av. May the positive lessons learned from this essay be a zechus for his neshamah.
All responsible leaders in our community have roundly condemned the recent violence in Beit Shemesh and Meah Shearim.
A surefire way to gauge the generation in which a person was raised is to have him or her fill in the following sentence: Where were you when ?”
Baby Boomers would ask, “When President Kennedy was shot?” Thirtysomethings would respond, “When the space shuttle exploded?” Today’s teenagers would reply, “On 9/11?”
One week ago on my website I announced my intention to attend the next court appearance of a man who was arrested last year and is now standing trial on 10 felony charges of child abuse.
Dear Rabbi Horowitz:
We were taken aback when our 18-year-old son just called us from Eretz Yisrael (we live in Europe) and told us that he was coming home and wants to immediately go to work. He said that he is wasting his time in yeshiva, and just can’t take it anymore. He said that he will “run away from home” if we don’t allow him to go to work.
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/take-a-child-to-shul-please-emulating-the-ways-of-hashem/2008/04/16/
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