web analytics
April 26, 2015 / 7 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Take A Child To Shul… Please: Emulating The Ways Of Hashem


A terribly sad version of the expression, “Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink,” often comes to mind whenever I am approached by single parents (usually mothers) asking me to assist them in finding a caring, responsible adult to take their child or children (usually their son or sons) to shul on Shabbos and/or Yom Tov.

I am very well aware that many of our decent, caring readers may find it incredulous that people in our vibrant, bustling communities are struggling with this dilemma. Trust me, though, when I say that this is a very real challenge for many of the brave and frightened single parents in our kehillos. I’ve lost track of the number of times in the 11 years since Project Y.E.S. was founded that I was approached by single mothers who requested that I help make arrangements for someone to take their son(s) to shul. Countless others have asked me for an eitzah regarding the appropriate response to their son who categorically refuses to go to shul alone.

I am fully aware that the data may be skewed upward in my particular instance due to my family background. My father passed away shortly before my fourth birthday and my amazing, resilient mother raised my two siblings and me as a single parent for two years before remarrying. And since I have mentioned this in my lectures and writings, I assume that many single parents may feel more comfortable discussing these issues with me – as they suppose I will be more sensitive to their reality. But even factoring in that information, there are still far too many children in our communities who fall into the subset for whom Shabbasos and especially Yomim Tovim are very challenging times.

From my vantage point, there are a number of societal factors that contribute to this growing phenomenon. Our communities have, Baruch Hashem, expanded, as has the size of our families. The divorce rate is rising and there at least seems to be a spike in the number of people who are, r”l, passing away and leaving younger children behind.

Another significant sociological factor is that a far greater percentage of frum people nowadays (especially younger couples) are abandoning smaller communities and deciding to live in metropolitan areas with large Jewish populations. Lost in the anonymity of big-city life, many individuals in our community who need a personal, nurturing touch are finding that it is an elusive quest in the bustling setting that is big-city life.

There is much you can do to help single parents and their children:

· Invite a single parent and his/her children for a Shabbos/Yom Tov meal or two.

· Offer to take the boys (and perhaps girls) to shul, and have them sit with you.

· Before or during Yom Tov, please consider offering childcare for a single parent so that she/he can unwind, go for a walk, or just have some precious quiet time. With school out, single parents are on call literally 24/7.

· Please afford single parents and their children privacy and dignity by doing your best to avoid asking them uncomfortable questions. After my father passed away, b’shem tov, all I ever heard during my formative years was people telling me what a wonderful person he was. Nevertheless, all these years later, I still remember my discomfort and the feeling of what-in-the-world-am-I-supposed-to-say listening to all sorts of comments made by well-intentioned people.

I cannot even begin imagining what it is like to be a child whose parents are in the middle of a messy divorce. Our rich and timeless tradition mandates that we begin the Seder by inviting guests to join us at our Seder table. I suggest that we broaden that concept this year, and as we approach the child-centered holiday of Pesach, we look around our neighborhoods and see what we can do to ensure that all our children experience true simchas Yom Tov in the welcoming embrace of our communities.

A recurring theme in the stirring words of our nevi’im (Yeshaya 1; Yirmiyahu 9) is that the Jews of those times were concentrating far too much on spiritual trappings (bringing karbanos) and not enough on the essence of Hashem’s Torah (honesty, integrity and kindness). It was certainly a great mitzvah to purchase and bring karbanos to the Beis HaMikdash. But as the navi relates, those mitzvos were mere adornments to the core values of our Torah. And the navi clearly describes what the Jews needed to do in order to redeem themselves. “Strengthen the victim, and take up the cause of the yasom/almanah” (Yeshaya 1:16-17). After all, supporting those among us who are weak and who find it challenging to conduct their lives with simchas hachayim is the very essence of Hashem’s Torah.

In these troubling times, we ought to strive to fulfill the timeless charge of Yirmiyahu, “Become wise and [get to] know Me [contemplate how to better emulate the ways of Hashem], for I am Hashem who does kindness, justice and righteousness” (Yirmiyahu 9:23).

In the zechus of our efforts to comfort Hashem’s children, may He comfort us with the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash – where we can participate in the korban Pesach in all its glory.

About the Author: Rabbi Yakov Horowitz is founder and dean of Yeshiva Darchei Noam and founder and director of Agudath Israel's Project Y.E.S.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Take A Child To Shul… Please: Emulating The Ways Of Hashem”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Children are asleep at last as adults in the Chabad House continue to deal with the crisis in Nepal.
Chabad Co-Emissary in Nepal Hopes for ‘Only Good News’ in Video
Latest Sections Stories
Food-Talk---Eller-logo

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

South-Florida-logo

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

South-Florida-logo

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

The teenage years are not about surviving. They are about thriving.

Every moment was a gift. I held each one, savoring.

We arrived in Auschwitz on Thursday, January 30, 2014. My seminary was taking us to see where the prisoners were kept. When we got there, I stepped off the bus in complete and total silence. I was in the back, and when we got to the gate I hesitated and started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t […]

From the moment Israel was declared a Jewish state, it has been the subject of controversy and struggle.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

During the Second World War, a million and a half Jewish soldiers fought in the Allied armies, the Partisan units in Eastern Europe, and the anti-fascist underground movements in Western Europe and North Africa. These Jewish fighters won over 200,000 medals and citations. The Museum of the Jewish Soldier in World War II in Latrun, […]

The 2-day real estate event will take place in Brooklyn on April 26 and 27.

More Articles from Rabbi Yakov Horowitz
jewish psyciatrist

Those of us familiar with the do’s and don’ts of accepted practice in the mental health profession saw similar blaring warning lights in our minds, as should have occurred when the facts were made public regarding the accusations against Nehemia Weberman. This case may very well be our community’s most important abuse trial during our lifetimes. It is imperative that we have a huge turnout in support of the victim, a courageous young lady who, may she be gezunt andge’bentched, is determined to see this through to the end so others won’t suffer like she did.

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

In part the altered lives victims of abuse and molestation live are a result of the abuse itself. But it is in part also because of the unfortunate negative reaction to the victims by their own community.

These lines are written in loving memory of our dear father, Reb Shlomo Zev ben Reb Baruch Yehudah Nutovic, a”h, whose first yahrzeit is 7 Menachem Av. May the positive lessons learned from this essay be a zechus for his neshamah.

All responsible leaders in our community have roundly condemned the recent violence in Beit Shemesh and Meah Shearim.

A surefire way to gauge the generation in which a person was raised is to have him or her fill in the following sentence: Where were you when ?”

Baby Boomers would ask, “When President Kennedy was shot?” Thirtysomethings would respond, “When the space shuttle exploded?” Today’s teenagers would reply, “On 9/11?”

One week ago on my website I announced my intention to attend the next court appearance of a man who was arrested last year and is now standing trial on 10 felony charges of child abuse.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:

We were taken aback when our 18-year-old son just called us from Eretz Yisrael (we live in Europe) and told us that he was coming home and wants to immediately go to work. He said that he is wasting his time in yeshiva, and just can’t take it anymore. He said that he will “run away from home” if we don’t allow him to go to work.

Digital images of the profoundly disturbing computer-smashing ceremony conducted by Rabbi Aaron Feinhandler have been viewed by countless thousands of Jews worldwide over the past few weeks.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/take-a-child-to-shul-please-emulating-the-ways-of-hashem/2008/04/16/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: