web analytics
July 22, 2014 / 24 Tammuz, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Who Do You Think You Are?


Schild-Edwin

In training foster parents I often ask them these questions.  However, these questions are major considerations for all parents.  Research has shown that when we personalize our children’s negative behaviors, we become more easily frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed and angry.  All these feelings lead to negative behaviors on our part and subsequently on the children’s part.  I have addressed the anger circle in past articles.  This is the phenomenon whereby anger is actually contagious.  That is, when someone becomes angry with the other person, the second person reactively becomes angry at the first person, merely because of his or her anger.  (Look around and you’ll see this happening all around you).  Anger management is, in essence, learning how to break the anger circle.

I believe that the lack of relationship building is a key to much of the turmoil and many of the problems we have with our youth.  So, back to the question, why do kids do what we ask of them?  Why do foster parents think that once they take a needy youth into their home, the anti-social behavior will cease? Why they wonder aren’t their biological children acting this way?  Yes, the foster child comes with all kinds of baggage, though the biological child might have their own issues also.  The answer is the relationship.  The biological child has hopefully grown up in an environment whereby the parents and child know each other on a deep level – a level where a true, meaningful relationship has developed over time.  They know what the other person is doing and thinking and can predict the other’s behavior (for better or worse).

However, just knowing someone, living with someone and being related to someone is not enough.  In fact, for a child or youth to develop into an individual with good mental health, capable of caring and loving, he needs to learn more than just obedience.  A child doing what is told does not ensure his capacity of developing into a person with meaningful relationships.  In a meaningful relationship one feels as if they are a part of the other individual.  It’s more than just sharing.  I do what you ask of me because I am a part of you and you are a part of me.  Of course, that does not mean that parent and child will always agree on things.  This does not preclude the child or teen testing the parent, wanting their own way and even thinking they know what’s best.  Nevertheless, there has been instilled in the child that true sense of who they are in relationship to the parent.

Now, how many parent-child relationships do you know that can be defined this way?  In fact, do you, dear reader, believe it’s even possible?  The problem with accepting this type of relationship is that very few people understand it, and thus very few parents can transmit this over and teach their children in this manner.  It is truly a unique way of seeing meaningful relationships and relating to our children.  It is a challenge to each of us with our children and grandchildren.

Why are we seeing so many children turn away from the roots and go off the “derech?”  I would like to suggest that you could reread the above theory again and in a different light.  Perhaps instead of reading “parent” read “G-d.”  I find it’s very unusual for children to be taught that they are truly created b’tzelem Elokim.  That is, they truly have a part of G-d inside of them in the form of their neshama.  We should ask our children what they really understand their neshamos to be. If G-d is truly inside us, if we (children and adults) really have that kind of relationship with G-d where He is part of us and we have a part of Him inside us, wouldn’t that present a different picture and relationship with different behaviors and different outcomes?

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Who Do You Think You Are?”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Netanyahu tries to bring UN's Ban down form the moon in Tel Aviv Tuesday.
UN’s Ban on the Moon with ‘Stop Fighting, Start Talking’ Message
Latest Sections Stories
book-Family-Frayda

Written entirely through Frayda’s eyes, the reader is drawn by her unassuming personality.

book-I-Kings

Adopting an ancient exegetical approach that is based on midrashic readings of the text, thematic connections that span between various books of the Bible are revealed.

book-Unify-A-Nation

While Lipman comes from an ultra-Orthodox background and is an Orthodox rabbi, he offers a breath of fresh air when he suggests that “polarization caused by extremism and isolationism in the religious community may be the greatest internal threat to the future of the Jewish people”

Schonfeld-logo1

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

Certainly today’s communication via e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and the like, including the ubiquitous Whatsapp, has reduced the need to talk with people and communicate at length.

These two special women utilized their incredibly painful experience as an opportunity to assist others.

Maybe we don’t have to lose that growth and unity that we have achieved, especially with the situation in Eretz Yisrael right now.

Sleepily, I watched him kissing Mai’s chubby thighs.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

My teachers like me and they tell my parents that I am a great girl with good middos.

The chicken and waffle nuggets were fabulous and were like chicken in a dessert form.

“Have you forgotten your dreams?” The Hope Merchant asks a defeated and hopeless Lily when she “happens” upon his shop.

The universe was created by God out of nothing; it has not always existed.

He combined intellectual achievement with deep spirituality and religious devotion.

More Articles from Edwin Schild
Schild-Edwin

We define stress as the feeling we get when there is too much to do and too little time to do it in.

Schild-Edwin

I’d like to share some valuable insights that, with clear and meaningful understanding, will have a tremendous impact on our family’s future

Josh is only nine years old, yet he’s an addict. How is that possible? You’re wondering where he gets his drugs from, how does his addiction manifest itself and if there are treatment plans.

often find myself telling clients, “There is no such thing as emotions!” Then I wait for their reactions. My hope is that the client will challenge me, as obviously we all experience emotions. It’s the way we are wired.

In Part I talked about celebrating 30 years of Regesh Family and Child Services providing services to children, teens and families. I shared the agency’s origin and the many lessons I have learned through this journey. As I mentioned, it is my hope that my experiences will add to your toolbox of life skills.

As I look back, it is clear that I learned much as an administrator and therapist – and as an individual experiencing life. I hope you will stay with me as I reminisce.

I know what you are thinking. What possible situation could cause a professional to advise a parent to “Pray hard that your children ignore you”?

The term Renaissance Man is defined by Wikipedia Encyclopedia as “a person whose expertise spans a significant number of different subject areas.” Many of us might think we know someone of that calibre, but does the person really have such a span of knowledge and impact on others?

    Latest Poll

    Israel's Iron Dome Anti-Missile System:





    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/who-do-you-think-you-are/2011/11/24/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: