web analytics
July 30, 2014 / 3 Av, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Words As Weapons: Learning To Use Words Positively


Schonfeld-logo1

Getting a person’s hopes up unnecessarily. For example, asking a storeowner a price of an item when you have no intention of buying it.

Shaming a person by reminding him about a defect he can do nothing about.

Acting out of spite, as in sending someone on a wild-goose chase when you know they will not find what they are looking for.

Humiliating a person, such as reminding someone of his previous immoral behavior.

Frightening people by getting enraged at them.

Ona’as devarimis painful for people of all ages, but can be particularly devastating if an adult is interacting with a child and intentionally or unintentionally uses words to hurt that child. Children will often think that adults know better, therefore if an adult is telling them something that is hurtful it must be true. This will lead to an internalization of the comment that can cause irreparable damage.

Children with Other Children: School Bullies

Today, many schools have adopted a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. Yet, the problem still exists, prompting bullied children to miss school days because they fear going to school.

What types of children are singled out for bullying? Often, they are different in some way: the way they talk, their name, the way they look or their family structure. But, more often, the common denominator is that children who are bullied do not fight back. Bullies tend to seek out those who will not defend themselves. Remember, a bully is looking for power and most of the time is trying to show everyone how tough he or she is. What better way to do that than to find someone who won’t fight back?

How can we as parents or teachers combat bullying in the classroom? There is no curriculum for opposing bullying, however, there are ways to build a better school community:

* Make getting to know each other part of the school curriculum. This way, students will not be singled out because they are different or “weird.”

* Eliminate hierarchy. Don’t allow the same students to be the monitors or helpers every single day.

* If you see bullying, immediately say, “We don’t do that here.” Subsequently, report the problem to the principal.

As adults, we are responsible for creating safe environments for our children, in and out of school.

Solutions Outside of the Classroom

The first step towards combating verbal abuse or bullying is to develop sensitivity towards the feelings of others. To better understand others, we can ask them to share with us how they feel about our words and actions. We can treat each person as an individual, recognizing that what might hurt one person might not hurt another. Most importantly, we can decide never to intentionally hurt someone with our words, regardless of how frustrated or angry we might be at that moment. Social skills training can enable us to think before we speak, gain confidence in our own achievements, and acquire dignity when interacting with others.

Perhaps a mashal or parable can help us better understand this. There is a famous story about two men having a contest on the beach, each attempting to be taller than the other. While one man was digging a hole next to his opponent, the other was building a small hill to stand on. Perhaps the best way to combat ona’as devarim or verbal abuse is to emulate the second man: build your own hill. Instead of digging underneath others in order to put them down, build yourself up through acts of compassion, chesed, and charity.

An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net.

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net. Visit her on the web at rifkaschonfeldsos.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Words As Weapons: Learning To Use Words Positively”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
U.S. President Barack Obama escorts Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu out of the Oval Office
Pirated Phone Conversation of Obama Slamming Bibi from Unverified Source
Latest Sections Stories
Teens-Twenties-logo

What Hashem desires most is that we learn to connect with each other as children in the same family.

Jerusalem to Jericho Road: photograph by Chanan Getraide
“Chanan Getraide Photographs”: 2004 exhibition at Hebrew Union College Museum

“We are living in a Golden Age of Jewish Art, but don’t know it.”

Respler-072514

The real solution to bullying is to empower the bullied child.

Time outs increases compliance and positive behavior far more than other forms of discipline

Interestingly, sometimes people who have a very high self-awareness may experience intense reactions to circumstances that others might respond to more mildly.

“You Touro graduates are automatically soldiers in [Israel’s] struggle, and we count on you,” Rothstein told the graduates.

The lemonana was something else. Never had we seen a green drink look so enticing.

On his marriage, he wrote: “This is what I believe: something of the core, of the essence of this meaningful and life-affirming Judaism will not be absent from our home” (1882).

With the recent kidnapping by the Hamas and the barbaric murder of three children – Gilad Shaar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Frankel, we believe that the best answer to honor the memory of those murdered is to continue building those very communities – large and small – that our enemies are trying to destroy.

Written entirely through Frayda’s eyes, the reader is drawn by her unassuming personality.

Adopting an ancient exegetical approach that is based on midrashic readings of the text, thematic connections that span between various books of the Bible are revealed.

While Lipman comes from an ultra-Orthodox background and is an Orthodox rabbi, he offers a breath of fresh air when he suggests that “polarization caused by extremism and isolationism in the religious community may be the greatest internal threat to the future of the Jewish people”

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1

Time outs increases compliance and positive behavior far more than other forms of discipline

Schonfeld-logo1

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

In reality, Baruch is one of many children who can be described as twice-exceptional. He is both gifted and struggling with a learning disability.

Explosive children or those with ODD are easily frustrated, demanding and inflexible.

Have you noticed that your child is doing something radically different from his cousins (even if they go to a school a block away from each other)?

“If you have Asperger’s Syndrome, you are really good in your brain and your brain is wired a different way, so you are really good at drawing or school. But your social level is not high.”

If your child is struggling with these skills, it might be helpful to seek social skills training.

However, for some children, the split between home and school can be severe and potentially debilitating.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/words-as-weapons-learning-to-use-words-positively/2012/07/13/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: