web analytics
August 29, 2014 / 3 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Words As Weapons: Learning To Use Words Positively


Schonfeld-logo1

Getting a person’s hopes up unnecessarily. For example, asking a storeowner a price of an item when you have no intention of buying it.

Shaming a person by reminding him about a defect he can do nothing about.

Acting out of spite, as in sending someone on a wild-goose chase when you know they will not find what they are looking for.

Humiliating a person, such as reminding someone of his previous immoral behavior.

Frightening people by getting enraged at them.

Ona’as devarimis painful for people of all ages, but can be particularly devastating if an adult is interacting with a child and intentionally or unintentionally uses words to hurt that child. Children will often think that adults know better, therefore if an adult is telling them something that is hurtful it must be true. This will lead to an internalization of the comment that can cause irreparable damage.

Children with Other Children: School Bullies

Today, many schools have adopted a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. Yet, the problem still exists, prompting bullied children to miss school days because they fear going to school.

What types of children are singled out for bullying? Often, they are different in some way: the way they talk, their name, the way they look or their family structure. But, more often, the common denominator is that children who are bullied do not fight back. Bullies tend to seek out those who will not defend themselves. Remember, a bully is looking for power and most of the time is trying to show everyone how tough he or she is. What better way to do that than to find someone who won’t fight back?

How can we as parents or teachers combat bullying in the classroom? There is no curriculum for opposing bullying, however, there are ways to build a better school community:

* Make getting to know each other part of the school curriculum. This way, students will not be singled out because they are different or “weird.”

* Eliminate hierarchy. Don’t allow the same students to be the monitors or helpers every single day.

* If you see bullying, immediately say, “We don’t do that here.” Subsequently, report the problem to the principal.

As adults, we are responsible for creating safe environments for our children, in and out of school.

Solutions Outside of the Classroom

The first step towards combating verbal abuse or bullying is to develop sensitivity towards the feelings of others. To better understand others, we can ask them to share with us how they feel about our words and actions. We can treat each person as an individual, recognizing that what might hurt one person might not hurt another. Most importantly, we can decide never to intentionally hurt someone with our words, regardless of how frustrated or angry we might be at that moment. Social skills training can enable us to think before we speak, gain confidence in our own achievements, and acquire dignity when interacting with others.

Perhaps a mashal or parable can help us better understand this. There is a famous story about two men having a contest on the beach, each attempting to be taller than the other. While one man was digging a hole next to his opponent, the other was building a small hill to stand on. Perhaps the best way to combat ona’as devarim or verbal abuse is to emulate the second man: build your own hill. Instead of digging underneath others in order to put them down, build yourself up through acts of compassion, chesed, and charity.

An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net.

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net. Visit her on the web at rifkaschonfeldsos.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Words As Weapons: Learning To Use Words Positively”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Hamas chief Khalid Mashaal in Gaza
Mashaal Vows Cease-Fire a Step to New ‘Resistance’ War against Israel
Latest Sections Stories
Itzhak Perlman and Cantor Yitzchak Meir Helfgot together in concert.

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

Mordechai-082214-Armoire

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

Einhorn-082214-Water

Stroll through formal gardens, ride mountain bikes, or go rock climbing.

As they fall upon us we go
To the WALL.

One minute you’re shaving shwarma off a pit, then the shwarma guy tells you he read a (fake) WhatsApp that the boys are dead.

I probe a little deeper and Shula takes me into the world of phantom pains and prosthetic limbs.

This went on until she had immersed eighty times, and then Hashem at last took pity upon her.

Because Menachem lives in Israel, he can feel the ruach in the air.

Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.

Leon experienced the War of Independence from a soldier’s perspective, while remaining true to his Jewish ideals and beliefs.

Chabad of Arizona centers recently hosted an evening of remembrance to mark the 20th yahrzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1

Some educators today believe that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder falls into an executive function category.

Because the children suffering from this disorder generally have wonderful verbal skills, the disability can go unrecognized for many years.

People definitely had stress one hundred and fifty years ago, but it was a different kind of stress.

Time outs increases compliance and positive behavior far more than other forms of discipline

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

In reality, Baruch is one of many children who can be described as twice-exceptional. He is both gifted and struggling with a learning disability.

Explosive children or those with ODD are easily frustrated, demanding and inflexible.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/words-as-weapons-learning-to-use-words-positively/2012/07/13/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: