web analytics
April 27, 2015 / 8 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Yes, You Can!


Schonfeld-logo1

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
– Wayne Gretzky, Hall of Fame Hockey Player

“I can’t seem to focus.”
“For as long as I can remember, I have been struggling with organization.”
“I’m really bad at sitting still.”
“I just can’t lose weight.”
“I will never make it to the dinner on time.”
“I am not good at math.”

Perhaps because of their previous experiences, my clients often begin their conversations with me by listing what they “can’t do.” Of course, they are coming to me in order to help them improve their lives and it makes sense that their focus is on what they are struggling with, but one of the first steps towards improving their lives is refocusing their attention away from their struggles and onto their successes.

A few years ago, a female tennis player who had been stuck in the middle of the tennis rankings for several seasons switched coaches and began to steadily win matches, moving up within the top five female players in the world. When a reporter asked her coach why she had suddenly become a superstar, he responded, “In the past, her coaches focused on what she could not do, and tried to improve those areas. While her game got better, she would often become frustrated and nervous when on the court and one of her problem areas came up. My approach is very different. We focus on what she can do and work to improve those areas. Then, when she gets into those situations on the court, she is confident and prepared.”

This coach’s method is a hugely important one – in education and in one’s life as well. A “can’t do” attitude or a focus on the negative only helps reinforce those destructive ideas in the mind of the sufferer. So, what are some ways that you can cure that “can’t do” attitude?

Set “Can Do” Goals. Regardless of the disability or struggle, you should identify where you want to be. This way, you can create a step-by-step plan of how to get there. Breaking apart a long-term goal into multiple shorter steps can help the task seem more manageable. For instance, if you would like to declutter your home, that might trigger the “I just can’t do it. There is too much. I don’t know where to start” response. Instead, break the goal into smaller pieces: “First, I am going to declutter my living room. I am going to start with the bookshelves and then move to the newspapers and magazines next to the couch.” Once you accomplish that small step, you can move to the next room.

Concentrate on the positive. So much of what we hear on the news and in the world around us is negative. The key to success is focusing on the positive in our daily interactions with others. For those dealing with disabilities, focus on the things you can do, for instance, people with ADHD are generally very creative and out of the box thinkers. Instead of focusing on the difficulty they have paying attention, those with ADHD should channel their energy into their creativity. Even something as small as an intentional smile can set you on the right path. Research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that smiling can actually make you less anxious and self-doubting. When you use the muscles in your face to smile, those muscles trigger hormones in your brain that make you more relaxed and happy.

Surround yourself with support. If the people around you don’t believe in you, there is no way that you will learn to believe in yourself. Therefore, separate yourself from “friends” who put you down or underestimate your abilities. Instead, cultivate friendships with people who support you and your strengths. If your friends and family believe that you can do it, eventually you will start believing it too!

Fake it until you make it. Often, success is about going through the motions no matter how many times you have failed in the past. Regardless of whether you believe you are going to succeed, you “talk the talk and walk the walk” as if you will succeed. You have a much better chance at success if you attack the problem with gusto and confidence than if you do not approach it at all.

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net. Visit her on the web at rifkaschonfeldsos.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Yes, You Can!”

  1. Ruth Hirt says:

    A thrust to attempt, positive expectations to dwell on.

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Map of Gaza City rocket launcher sites in school yard. July 22, 2014
UN Admits: UN Schools and Facilities Used by Hamas Terrorists
Latest Sections Stories
Teens-Twenties-logo

The poetry slam required entrants to compose original poetry with powerful imagery and energetic rhythm bringing their poems to life – making it palpable to the audience.

Teens-Twenties-logo

“I was so inspired by the beautiful lessons I learned and by the holiness around me that I just couldn’t stop writing songs!” she says.

Schonfeld-logo1

But Pi Day is worst of all
I want the extra credit bad
But trying to remember many numbers
makes me sad.

Several thousand Eastern European Jews had escaped Nazi death and Soviet persecution by fleeing to Shanghai, China.

Now that we’re back to chometz, it’s just the right time to give thought to our wellbeing. Who doesn’t want to lose a few bulky matzah-and-potato pounds? Who wouldn’t like to eat smarter and feel better? If you’re like most people I know, these are probably the first things you’d like to address. It’s time […]

My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.

It was Lia van Leer who changed the image of filmmaking in Israel so that it is now seen as an expression of culture and not mere entertainment.

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1

But Pi Day is worst of all
I want the extra credit bad
But trying to remember many numbers
makes me sad.

Schonfeld-logo1

The teenage years are not about surviving. They are about thriving.

She wasn’t paying attention to what the child did when the mother was not in the room. Rather, her main focus was on what the child did when the mother returned.

When any student in the building is in danger of failing, the equivalent of tornado warning sirens should wail around the school.

“If you don’t stand straight, you’ll never get a husband.”

A lot of people have heard about dyslexia, a learning disability that concerns reading.

Because birth order can affect most children in similar fashion, there are things you can do to help your children overcome weaknesses that birth order has thrown their way.

Occasionally, a teacher will encounter a student who simply cannot be motivated to do his homework, finish his worksheet or study for a test.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/yes-you-can/2013/02/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: