web analytics
June 19, 2013 / 11 Tammuz, 5773
At a Glance ▼
Sections
Sponsored Post
Bicycle in South Pioneers of the Periphery: Olim of the South

Got that pioneering spirit? You’re invited to help build Israel’s periphery by planting roots in southern soil with Nefesh B’Nefesh.



Yes, You Can!


Latest update: May 26th, 2013
tell a friend
Schonfeld-logo1

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
– Wayne Gretzky, Hall of Fame Hockey Player

“I can’t seem to focus.”
“For as long as I can remember, I have been struggling with organization.”
“I’m really bad at sitting still.”
“I just can’t lose weight.”
“I will never make it to the dinner on time.”
“I am not good at math.”

Perhaps because of their previous experiences, my clients often begin their conversations with me by listing what they “can’t do.” Of course, they are coming to me in order to help them improve their lives and it makes sense that their focus is on what they are struggling with, but one of the first steps towards improving their lives is refocusing their attention away from their struggles and onto their successes.

A few years ago, a female tennis player who had been stuck in the middle of the tennis rankings for several seasons switched coaches and began to steadily win matches, moving up within the top five female players in the world. When a reporter asked her coach why she had suddenly become a superstar, he responded, “In the past, her coaches focused on what she could not do, and tried to improve those areas. While her game got better, she would often become frustrated and nervous when on the court and one of her problem areas came up. My approach is very different. We focus on what she can do and work to improve those areas. Then, when she gets into those situations on the court, she is confident and prepared.”

This coach’s method is a hugely important one – in education and in one’s life as well. A “can’t do” attitude or a focus on the negative only helps reinforce those destructive ideas in the mind of the sufferer. So, what are some ways that you can cure that “can’t do” attitude?

Set “Can Do” Goals. Regardless of the disability or struggle, you should identify where you want to be. This way, you can create a step-by-step plan of how to get there. Breaking apart a long-term goal into multiple shorter steps can help the task seem more manageable. For instance, if you would like to declutter your home, that might trigger the “I just can’t do it. There is too much. I don’t know where to start” response. Instead, break the goal into smaller pieces: “First, I am going to declutter my living room. I am going to start with the bookshelves and then move to the newspapers and magazines next to the couch.” Once you accomplish that small step, you can move to the next room.

Concentrate on the positive. So much of what we hear on the news and in the world around us is negative. The key to success is focusing on the positive in our daily interactions with others. For those dealing with disabilities, focus on the things you can do, for instance, people with ADHD are generally very creative and out of the box thinkers. Instead of focusing on the difficulty they have paying attention, those with ADHD should channel their energy into their creativity. Even something as small as an intentional smile can set you on the right path. Research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that smiling can actually make you less anxious and self-doubting. When you use the muscles in your face to smile, those muscles trigger hormones in your brain that make you more relaxed and happy.

Surround yourself with support. If the people around you don’t believe in you, there is no way that you will learn to believe in yourself. Therefore, separate yourself from “friends” who put you down or underestimate your abilities. Instead, cultivate friendships with people who support you and your strengths. If your friends and family believe that you can do it, eventually you will start believing it too!

Fake it until you make it. Often, success is about going through the motions no matter how many times you have failed in the past. Regardless of whether you believe you are going to succeed, you “talk the talk and walk the walk” as if you will succeed. You have a much better chance at success if you attack the problem with gusto and confidence than if you do not approach it at all.

Pages: 1 2 All Pages
tell a friend

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net. Visit her on the web at rifkaschonfeldsos.com.


You might also be interested in:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.
one comment so far

One Response to “Yes, You Can!”

  1. Ruth Hirt says:
    February 14, 2013 at 9:18 PM

    A thrust to attempt, positive expectations to dwell on.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Latest Sections Stories
Kodish-061413-Dancing
Sections → Features → Features On The Jewish World

Yet all are part of one neshamah, planted in rich, verdant soil, determined to grow. May our garden continue to produce a glorious assortment of flowers and trees, each attached firmly to its roots. Our diverse southern vegetation flourishes and grows into different trees, flowers, and fruits, and a rainbow of glorious shades and hues appears. Yet each shoot is rooted in the same soil, stretching its branches and blossoms heavenward in an endless pursuit of growth and connection to the One above.

Baim-061413-Long-hair
Sections → Jewess Press → Daily Living

This past Lag B’Omer, we were blessed to make our first upsherin, where we celebrate our son’s first hair cut. It’s a wonderful milestone that mimics the three years that we refrain from plucking a tree’s first fruits and symbolizes the entry of the child into the world of Torah learning. It’s a clear sign to everyone; this boy is no longer a baby.

Littman-061413-Bridge
Sections → Features → Features On The Jewish World

Although there are more direct and faster routes to Beer Sheva and Eilat and all the sites and towns in-between, the Basor River is one of the beauties of the Negev that defiantly justifies a diversion.

Sections → Magazine → Teens and Twenties

The importance of death customs has been ingrained in me since birth. When I served as a shomeret for my grandmother, I was instructed not to eat, drink or perform a mitzvah in the same room. In the shock of death, it seemed rather inane to be told it would be considered mocking the dead. My grandmother was gone; she couldn’t do those things because she didn’t exist anymore, a fact that still makes me tear up.

Sections → Magazine → Potpourri

I would have to say that one of the most annoying things about having a newspaper advice column, aside from all these people writing to me and asking for advice, is that they frequently don’t tell me WHY they’re asking.

Sections → Features → Features On The Jewish World

Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv zt”l, who passed away on 28 Tammuz, (July18) this year at age 102, spent all of his days and most of his nights learning Torah. He was the paramount leader of our generation, and inspired tremendous awe and reverence in everyone who knew him. Now, every woman has the stunning opportunity to do something in his memory. A Sefer Torah is being written in his memory and women around the world have the chance to dedicate a letter.

Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships

Due to her family situation, it is understandable that she will have more responsibilities than other girls her age, but she would benefit from having some free time and receiving more appreciation for her hard work.

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

For children, summer means outdoor sports, picnics, and of course, no school! Teachers and students work hard all year long – and everyone deserves a break from education over the summer. However, this two-month break can often have some pretty devastating consequences.

Sections → Family

It was only after we celebrated the great news that we were expecting twins that we saw the first sign of problems. First of all, my wife was losing, not gaining weight, even as the babies continued to grow normally. Soon after, routine blood work revealed that my wife was suffering from gestational diabetes.

Sections → Community → West Coast Happenings

Rabbi Pinchas Gruman is the new rav of the Minyan at Aish Tamid.

One of the most respected Torah figures in Los Angeles, Rabbi Gruman has been described as “The Los Angeles link in the mesorah of the yeshiva world” by Rabbi Nachum Sauer. As a talmid in Lakewood in the 1950s, Rabbi Gruman received semicha from Rav Aaron Kotler, zt”l, and Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt”l. Soon after, he moved to Los Angeles.

Sections → Magazine → Teens and Twenties

Another tree is down.

I’m driving down Lakewood Avenue, figuring that maybe, just maybe, the tree that blocked the middle of North Lake Drive has been removed, and I can go through. After all, they had a whole day. I’m sure things have been taken care of.

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1
Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

For children, summer means outdoor sports, picnics, and of course, no school! Teachers and students work hard all year long – and everyone deserves a break from education over the summer. However, this two-month break can often have some pretty devastating consequences.

Schonfeld-logo1
Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

While days off from school can be daunting for all parents with young children, for parents of children with ADHD, they can be thoroughly frightening. Children who have ADHD have trouble sitting still, focusing on one thing at one time, and attending to details. While their attention seems unfocused, it is actually multi-focused. Their mind takes in multiple stimuli at once, making it hard to engage in one activity for long periods of time. Therefore, entertaining children with ADHD all day can often feel like an exercise in frustration with children “bouncing off of the walls.”

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

Shel Silverstein’s 1974 poem “Where The Sidewalk Ends” is intended to paint a magical picture of a world of peace and serenity far away from the “black and dark streets.” At the time, perhaps the end of the sidewalk was a place that was “measured and slow.” Today, however, for many parents, where the sidewalk ends can feel like a scary place.

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

There is always a lot of confusion surrounding sensory processing disorder – mainly because there are many different diagnoses that fall under the catch-all phrase sensory processing disorder (SPD). Among them are three specific subcategories:

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

Parents often come to my office worrying about phonics instruction – occasionally because teachers do not completely explain the mechanics and at times because of myths that permeate the world of education.

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

I am Ethan. You may not understand me, or the way I feel today. You may not understand my reasoning for things I do or say. The reasons why I’m so loud and say things over and over again, Why I run so differently or lose my homework every now and then. I write my [...]

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

In our culture of conspicuous consumption, it is not unusual for children to ask for everything they set their eyes on. And, if we are fortunate enough to have the funds to buy them all that their hearts desire, we tend to think, “I can do it, why not?” There are, however, importance values that our children can learn when we set limits.

    Latest Poll

    Female, Orthodox, Halachic Deciders and Spiritual Leaders (Maharat)









    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/yes-you-can/2013/02/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online:

Related posts:

  1. Response To Intervention: Preventing Failure Rather Than Fixing It
  2. The Unimagined Abilities of the Disabled
  3. Losing Our Children: Who Is Responsible?
Close