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August 3, 2015 / 18 Av, 5775
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At The Shushan Psychologist: “Tell us your Megillah! We’ll listen to every word.”

Name of Patient: Haman Amaleky

First Appointment

Physical Appearance: Patient is a bit on the short side, with shifty looking dark eyes. His black goatee and mustache both end in a curl. Patient is impeccably dressed in the latest Shushan fashions, and sports a signet ring, indicating a great amount of wealth and prestige.

 

Hello Mr. Haman. Please have a seat.

Panting for breath, the patient throws himself down onto my couch, moaning.

“Doctor, you have to help me!”

That’s what I’m here for. Please relax and we can talk about –

“It’s that Jew, Mordechai. He’s driving me insane! I can’t take it anymore!”

Mr. Haman screams, and smoke begins billowing out of his ears.

~Patient is loud and does not wait for others to finish talking. Patient seems to be harboring an enormous amount of animosity towards man named Mordechai.

Well, Mr. Haman, what did this Mordechai do to upset you?

“He…He…HE – ”

Is something funny Mr. Haman?

“No! No! I just…”

~Patient is getting agitated and twirling his goatee. A possible stress relieving technique? Seems to have trouble with coherency when frustrated. Probably a common occurrence.

Mr. Haman, take a deep breath. This works, I assure you. Come on, with me. Breathe in. Very good. You can let it out now Mr. Haman. Mr. Haman? Can you hear me?

A brief pause in the meeting as my assistant helps me bring the patient round. Haman gulps down some water and continues.

“Well, see Doc, there’s this Jew, Mordechai. Long story short, I hate him. He’s evil, I tell you. Evil!”

What makes you feel that way, Haman?

“HE IS!! OK?? Just trust me!”

The patient reaches to his side and clutches his jeweled dagger.

Please calm yourself, Mr. Haman, or I will have to call in my bodyguards.

Patient leans back and tries to relax, looking sheepish.

“Sorry. Well, anyway, this filthy little – ”

Excuse me?

“I – I mean, this Jew, Mordechai, one of the leaders of his people, I pass by him every day, right? And everyone is supposed to bow to me right? All the Jews have no problem doing it ok? But this guy NEVER even lowers his head!”

And how do you feel about that?

“HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?!?”

How do you think I should think you should feel, Mr. Haman?

“Umm…well, angry, for starters?”

Excellent. Expressing your feelings is a very good sign. What does that anger make you want to do?

“I dunno…do you think I should kill him and destroy his whole nation? Is that enough?”

~Patient has violent tendencies and is making threats. The authorities will be notified.

I think it’s more than enough.

“So you’re saying I should do it?”

No. I’m saying that that’s a bit dramatic.

“What?! Are you saying I’m DRAMATIC???”

No! THAT’S NOT WHAT I – (Cough). I’ m sorry for raising my voice. Mr. Haman, let’s look at everything we’ve just discussed. You’re telling me that this man –

“This JEW!”

Yes. This JEW, Mordechai, had the audacity not to bow down to you.

“Exactly! No respect!”

And now you want to kill him, and commit genocide as well.

“Well isn’t that what you would do?”

“Should I do it though, Doc?”

Well, Mr. Haman, as a psychologist, I cannot really tell you what to do. Only you can. I can merely advise.

“And what do you suggest?”

~Patient seems eager to listen to others’ opinions and follow, rather than follow his own and take responsibility.

“Wow you’re going through a lot of parchment there Doctor. Are you writing a novel?”

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Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/features/at-the-shushan-psychologist-tell-us-your-megillah-well-listen-to-every-word/2014/08/06/

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