web analytics
May 27, 2015 / 9 Sivan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Mother in the Shoe…


Asked by a total stranger: “Is your child’s condition genetic?” (My favorite response to this one is to ask if their kids are genetic…)

So and so’s child is worse off than yours.” (Telling me about someone else’s challenges does not comfort me.)

Told to a parent of severely handicapped child by one of her daughter’s therapists, “I got my three year old off the bottle why can’t you just take your child’s bottle away?” (Of course her three year old is totally healthy and developmentally on target.)

Told to a parent by an administrator at a sleep away camp for children with moderate to severe special needs when the parent of a severely autistic child asked for a scholarship: “Camp is a luxury not a necessity- I only send my children when I can afford it.” (Of course his children don’t have special needs and can attend any local day camp!)

 

The Meaningful:

So what is the right thing to say to a parent of a special child without falling into the above categories?

1) The proximity rule- how well do you know the person? A close relative can ask as it may affect them as well but a stranger in a doctor’s office waiting room or a shoe store should not be asking for the child’s diagnosis or whether a child’s condition is genetic. We should respect the privacy of others.

2) When complimenting a parent, don’t tell them that which you could never do. Instead keep it positive and say, “ I am so inspired when I watch you with your child- you are an amazing mother.”

3) When offering help, instead of saying, “Call me if there is anything I can do,” call the parent periodically and give concrete offers of help. For example, ask whether you can send your daughter and her friends to babysit regularly, offer to drive car pool, help with errands, and invite the siblings over for play dates to give the parents a break. If the special child is hospitalized or ill, bring over dinner, offer to make phone calls, offer to take a shift in the hospital to relieve the parents if possible.

4) Don’t compare parenting a typically developing child to parenting a child with special needs. Parents of children with special needs have very different challenges raising their children and need respite and relief. When trying to help, don’t minimize their situation.

5) Agencies, therapists and professionals working with families should be careful not to make judgmental remarks when working with parents of special children. Your role is to be of help and support, and not to inflict them with more pain and suffering. Administrators of programs and schools should make sure to sensitize staff to respect parents of special children.

6) Stop viewing special children and their families as a nebach or pity situation. No one is a “nebach case” we are all created b’tzelem Elokim- in G-d’s Image. When we categorize someone as being a nebach we see him or her as a charity case and close ourselves off from the thought that he or she has what to teach us about life. Just ask any teacher, therapist or camp counselor about what they have gained from working with special children and their families. What is truly a nebach is if one misses out an opportunity to learn and grow and to realize what is important in life.

7) Always try to find the common ground instead of focusing on the differences about children with special needs. “Your son has such a beautiful smile.” “You always dress your daughter so nicely.” When you come across a child with special needs that you know, greet them with a warm smile. If you see a parent struggling with their special child, open a door, offer to help don’t just pass them by. A garbage man once saw me struggling to get my daughter into my van lifted her into her seat and helped me put her wheelchair in the trunk without me even having to ask him for help, I was so grateful. There are so many opportunities to be meaningful towards the special families in our midst and in turn find much meaning in our own lives.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Mother in the Shoe…”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting Organization President Mohammad Sarafraz.
US Claims ‘No More Extensions’ on Nuclear Talks with Iran
Latest Sections Stories
Road sign in Russian and Yiddish greeting visitors on the road just outside Birobidzhan. (photo by Ben G. Frank)

Birobidzhan railway station sign is the world’s only one spelling the town’s name in Yiddish letters

Ayelet Shaked

She’s seen as a poster child for The Jewish Home’s efforts to reach beyond its Orthodox base.

Teens-Twenties-logo

Girls don’t usually learn Gemara. Everyone knows that.

Lewis-052215-Jewish-Soldiers-logo

Mordechai and his men shared a strong mutual loyalty.

“Can I wear tefillin in the bathroom?” That was the question US Private Nuchim Lebensohn wrote to Mike Tress, president of the Agudath Israel Youth Council, in a letter dated November 18, 1942. Lebensohn was not your typical young American GI. Polish by birth, he was forty-three years old and married when he was drafted […]

To what extent is your child displaying defiance?

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

Mistrust that has lingered after the fiasco in Ferguson, Missouri, has edged the issue forward.

“The observance of a kosher diet is a key tenet of Judaism, and one which no state has the right to deny,” said Nathan Diament, executive director for public policy of the Orthodox Union.

Two weeks of intense learning in the classroom about Israel culminated with Yom Ha’Atzmaut. Students attended sessions with their teachers and learned about history, culture, military power, advocacy, slang, cooking, and more.

The nations of the world left the vessel to sit rotting in the water during one of the coldest winters in decades and with its starving and freezing passengers abandoned.

Rabbi Yisroel Edelman, the synagogue’s spiritual leader, declared, “The Young Israel of Deerfield Beach is looking forward to our partnership with the OU. The impact the OU has brought to Jewish communities throughout the country through its outreach and educational resources is enormous and we anticipate the same for our community in Deerfield Beach as well.”

Our goal here is to offer you recipes that you can make on Yom Tov with ingredients you might just have in the house. Enjoy and chag sameach!

More Articles from Jewish Press Staff
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani (L) and head of the Atomic Energy Organization of Iran, Ali Akbar Salehi.

Iran tried to buy UN-banned products in the Czech Republic but was caught and stopped, Reuters reports exclusively.

Special needs artists showed their talent at Jewish Children’s Museum on Mother’s Day in New York.

The test was planned, but the Defense Ministry is mum on details.

The assault was on the same street where Ilan Halimi was kidnapped, tortured and murdered in 2006.

Dr. Avi Yitzchak, the first Ethiopian doctor in Israel, also saved victims of the earthquake in Haiti in 2010.

“He did not know what anger was and never engaged in slander.”

The teacher could face three years in jail for displaying Nazi symbols, which includes singing Nazi songs.

Ratification does not imply admission of the possession of nuclear weapons.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/health/mother-in-the-shoe%e2%80%a6/2010/06/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: