web analytics
September 1, 2014 / 6 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Mother in the Shoe…


Until You’ve Walked A Mile in My Shoes…

As parents of special children we’ve all been the recipient of some “interesting” remarks from others whether relatives, friends, acquaintances and even total strangers. It can occur at any moment – as you wait at the shoe store, the local pizza shop, the doctor’s office, shul and anywhere else you can think of. I like to divide them into the following categories:

 

The “Well Meaning”

This category of comments and questions are asked or said by someone who may genuinely mean well for you and your child but somehow many parents are left offended inadvertently or may feel uncomfortable. Some examples of well meaning comments include:

You must be such a special person to have a child like this- I could never do what you are doing…”

Hashem only gives us what we can handle.” (Said by someone who only has healthy children)

You must be such a strong person.” (Said by someone who only has healthy children)

Your child lives at home with you – I give you credit, I could never do that.”

Call me if there is anything I can do to help.” (There is nothing wrong with saying this, but bear in mind, however, that the parent will probably never call you because no one likes to ask for help.)

The people who make the above comments certainly mean you no harm and think they are comforting you. When one says “I could never do that but you can because you are ‘special,’ ‘strong,’ ‘super human,’” etc., what they are really saying is, “You are strong and you can handle it so you have this special child but I am a mere mortal – weak and average and that is why I have ‘healthy,’ ‘normal’ children.” The truth is parents of special children are not angels, we pray that our children are healthy – I don’t think anyone wishes to give birth to a child with a disability. Yes, we have grown and learned so much from our special children. Our special children have taught us to take the time to stop and smell the roses, the power of patience and perseverance and the strength that it gives us. As parents of special children, we realize that every aspect of human development is a truly a nes (miracle) and we are privy to seeing so many miracles with each ounce of progress our special children make.

 

The “Mean”

This category is the opposite of the above. The people who fall into this category have serious issues with bein adam l’chavero, are usually self centered and may be unhappy in their own lives and are inflicting their misery on “lucky” you. There is just nothing constructive about these comments. The following are some examples of hurtful remarks made to parents of special children:

How could you bring this child home from the hospital?” (The best response I ever heard to this was, “The hospital has a no return, no exchange policy.”)

How will you ever find shidduchim for your other children now that you have this child?” (How will you?)

Maybe you didn’t daven hard enough or eat right during pregnancy.” (In an attempt to blame the child’s condition on the parent’s actions, this person feels that they who daven a lot or are cautious with their diet are now “safe” and will not have a child with special needs.)

What is your child’s life expectancy?” (I don’t know, what’s yours?)

Didn’t you and your husband go to get tested at Dor Yeshurim before you got married?” (They went to Dor Yeshurim and so they feel safe that this could not happen to them even though Dor Yeshurim cannot test for many disabilities especially the ones that are not genetic.)

A young woman walking with several young children in a stroller covers her kids’ eyes and said to the mother of a special child: “How dare you expose my children to your child!” (How dare you expose my child to your horrible middos…?)

A worker in a store said to a mother about to buy a nice suit for her teenage son who has Down syndrome: “Why are you wasting such a nice suit on him?” (The mother that this happened to responded, too bad you just lost a sale, I’m going to the store across the street.)

Said by an administrator at a local special needs agency when a parent asked for camp funding for her child through Medicaid Waiver: “Parents of low functioning children are greedy and entitlement oriented.” (Apparently some administrators of Medicaid waiver programs are lazy and out of touch with the needs of the families they serve.)

 

The Meaningless:

These comments are not usually meant to hurt others. Most of these are born more out of ignorance than malice; unfortunately they can hurt as deeply as some of the mean comments.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Mother in the Shoe…”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry.
Arab Sources: State Dept Again Pressuring Israel to Restart Talks
Latest Sections Stories
LBJ-082914

What better proof do we need than the recent war with Hamas in Gaza, dubbed “Operation Protective Edge,” that transformed the pain and suffering of three families into a sense of unparalleled unity and outpouring of love of the entire nation of Israel?

Katzman-082914

So many families are mourning, and all along we mourned with them.

Astaire-082914

In addition to his great erudition, Rabi Akiva was known for his optimism.

Kupfer-082914-Chuppah

She told me that she was busy and that he could sit in his wet clothes for the rest of the day. It would teach him to be more careful.

What can we do to help him stop feeling so sad all the time?

Children with dyslexia or dysgraphia frequently have problems in social relationships.

Israel’s neighbors engaged in hostilities from the onset. The War of Independence was a hard-won battle. Aggression and enmity has followed for 66 years.

The contest will include student-created sculpture, computer graphic design, collage, videography, PowerPoint and painting.

David, an 8-year-old boy on the autism spectrum, recently attended a Friendship Circle event. As he entered he told his Dad, “I love coming to the FC programs ‘cause everyone loves each other.”

Goldsmith himself went on his own “voyage of discovery” to the places where his grandfather and uncle landed and were sent.

Frank proclaimed himself Zvi’s successor and the reincarnation of King David.

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

Stroll through formal gardens, ride mountain bikes, or go rock climbing.

More Articles from Jewish Press Staff
Missing yeshiva student Aharon Sofer of Lakewood, NJ has been in Israel since last fall. He is no novice to the area, and would not have easily gotten lost.

Israeli searchers for missing Lakewood, New Jersey yeshiva student Aaron Sofer have found some of his personal belongs near a trail, his last known location, but fears are growing that the 23-year-old youth has been kidnapped and/or murdered. Police and a dog unit have tracked the Jerusalem Forest area where he was last seen on […]

No one was injured but damage was widespread at the Napa Valley Chabad Jewish Center.

Chabad rabbis say middle-of-the-night jolt makes him understand better what Israelis are going through in the war.

Neither, rain, nor sleet, snow nor Hamas can keep Apple co-founder Wozniak from biting into Israel.

One advantage of erosion of stones at the Kotel is more cracks for people to place prayer notes.

Official Facebook page of Fatah, headed by Mahmoud “Peace Partner: Abbas, boasts about leading Palestinians in terror.

11:48pm Be’er Sheva 11:45 Rocket Alert Ashdod.. Ashkelon…Shafir… Kiryat..Malachi 11:44pm Ashdod, Ashkelon, Ashdod, Ashkelon 11:26pm Eshkol x2 10:55pm Eshkol 9:59pm Ashdod 8:12pm Sdot Negev, Shaar Negev 7:55pm Ashkelon Coast 7:47pm Rocket Alert Sha’ar HaNegev 7:11pm Ashkelon Coast 7:05pm Multiple Rocket Alerts Sdot Negev…Netivot 7:05pm Ashkelon, Kfar Maimon, Gaza border communities – all Multiples. 6:43pm Ashkelon […]

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/health/mother-in-the-shoe%e2%80%a6/2010/06/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: