Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event
Asked by a total stranger: “Is your child’s condition genetic?” (My favorite response to this one is to ask if their kids are genetic…)
“So and so’s child is worse off than yours.” (Telling me about someone else’s challenges does not comfort me.)
Told to a parent of severely handicapped child by one of her daughter’s therapists, “I got my three year old off the bottle why can’t you just take your child’s bottle away?” (Of course her three year old is totally healthy and developmentally on target.)
Told to a parent by an administrator at a sleep away camp for children with moderate to severe special needs when the parent of a severely autistic child asked for a scholarship: “Camp is a luxury not a necessity- I only send my children when I can afford it.” (Of course his children don’t have special needs and can attend any local day camp!)
So what is the right thing to say to a parent of a special child without falling into the above categories?
1) The proximity rule- how well do you know the person? A close relative can ask as it may affect them as well but a stranger in a doctor’s office waiting room or a shoe store should not be asking for the child’s diagnosis or whether a child’s condition is genetic. We should respect the privacy of others.
2) When complimenting a parent, don’t tell them that which you could never do. Instead keep it positive and say, “ I am so inspired when I watch you with your child- you are an amazing mother.”
3) When offering help, instead of saying, “Call me if there is anything I can do,” call the parent periodically and give concrete offers of help. For example, ask whether you can send your daughter and her friends to babysit regularly, offer to drive car pool, help with errands, and invite the siblings over for play dates to give the parents a break. If the special child is hospitalized or ill, bring over dinner, offer to make phone calls, offer to take a shift in the hospital to relieve the parents if possible.
4) Don’t compare parenting a typically developing child to parenting a child with special needs. Parents of children with special needs have very different challenges raising their children and need respite and relief. When trying to help, don’t minimize their situation.
5) Agencies, therapists and professionals working with families should be careful not to make judgmental remarks when working with parents of special children. Your role is to be of help and support, and not to inflict them with more pain and suffering. Administrators of programs and schools should make sure to sensitize staff to respect parents of special children.
6) Stop viewing special children and their families as a nebach or pity situation. No one is a “nebach case” we are all created b’tzelem Elokim- in G-d’s Image. When we categorize someone as being a nebach we see him or her as a charity case and close ourselves off from the thought that he or she has what to teach us about life. Just ask any teacher, therapist or camp counselor about what they have gained from working with special children and their families. What is truly a nebach is if one misses out an opportunity to learn and grow and to realize what is important in life.
7) Always try to find the common ground instead of focusing on the differences about children with special needs. “Your son has such a beautiful smile.” “You always dress your daughter so nicely.” When you come across a child with special needs that you know, greet them with a warm smile. If you see a parent struggling with their special child, open a door, offer to help don’t just pass them by. A garbage man once saw me struggling to get my daughter into my van lifted her into her seat and helped me put her wheelchair in the trunk without me even having to ask him for help, I was so grateful. There are so many opportunities to be meaningful towards the special families in our midst and in turn find much meaning in our own lives.
About the Author:
If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.
Comments are closed.
Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.
As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.
One minute you’re shaving shwarma off a pit, then the shwarma guy tells you he read a (fake) WhatsApp that the boys are dead.
I probe a little deeper and Shula takes me into the world of phantom pains and prosthetic limbs.
This went on until she had immersed eighty times, and then Hashem at last took pity upon her.
Shame is often confused with guilt and humiliation.
Because Menachem lives in Israel, he can feel the ruach in the air.
Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.
Leon experienced the War of Independence from a soldier’s perspective, while remaining true to his Jewish ideals and beliefs.
Chabad of Arizona centers recently hosted an evening of remembrance to mark the 20th yahrzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.
Israeli searchers for missing Lakewood, New Jersey yeshiva student Aaron Sofer have found some of his personal belongs near a trail, his last known location, but fears are growing that the 23-year-old youth has been kidnapped and/or murdered. Police and a dog unit have tracked the Jerusalem Forest area where he was last seen on […]
Neither, rain, nor sleet, snow nor Hamas can keep Apple co-founder Wozniak from biting into Israel.
One advantage of erosion of stones at the Kotel is more cracks for people to place prayer notes.
Official Facebook page of Fatah, headed by Mahmoud “Peace Partner: Abbas, boasts about leading Palestinians in terror.
11:48pm Be’er Sheva 11:45 Rocket Alert Ashdod.. Ashkelon…Shafir… Kiryat..Malachi 11:44pm Ashdod, Ashkelon, Ashdod, Ashkelon 11:26pm Eshkol x2 10:55pm Eshkol 9:59pm Ashdod 8:12pm Sdot Negev, Shaar Negev 7:55pm Ashkelon Coast 7:47pm Rocket Alert Sha’ar HaNegev 7:11pm Ashkelon Coast 7:05pm Multiple Rocket Alerts Sdot Negev…Netivot 7:05pm Ashkelon, Kfar Maimon, Gaza border communities – all Multiples. 6:43pm Ashkelon […]
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/health/mother-in-the-shoe%e2%80%a6/2010/06/04/
Scan this QR code to visit this page online: