web analytics
November 29, 2014 / 7 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



The Sibling Factor: Meeting Your Other Children’s Needs


Seek out respite opportunities, and do not feel guilty for taking advantage of them, along with other members of the family. Your spouse and your typically developing children may occasionally need to experience quality family time together without the distractions or disruptions that may ensue in the company of a child with a disability. Do not feel guilty over having family time without this child. You are not excluding him by doing so.

Make sure to give each of your typically developing children an opportunity to have one-on-one time with you as often as you realistically can. This will reassure them that their well being as your child is just as important to you. This does not have to be a formal occasion. It could be as simple and natural as accompanying you on a trip to the store, or driving them to a friend’s house, as long as it provides the two of you with an opportunity to talk in a meaningful and private way.

Do not commit your children to responsibilities for their sibling with a disability without discussing it with them first. Try to minimize the impact of their sibling’s disability on their normal everyday lives.

Have expectations for your typically developing children that are appropriate for their age, temperament and level of understanding.  While they may not have a disability, they are still children.  Expecting them to always be understanding of their sibling’s behavior, or always be the one to give in after a fight, is unfair and unrealistic.  Give them permission to act their ages.

Set realistic expectations for the behavior of your child with a disability, such as giving them responsibility for minor household chores according to their ability, and make it clear that you expect him to meet those expectations. That will minimize resentment among his siblings.

Help your typically developing children find peers who can relate to what they are going through. Participation in a siblings support group can be particularly beneficial.

Address the concerns of your typically developing children about the future. Inform them of any major decisions involving your child with a disability, including any plans for a residential placement, or to send the child to a summer camp for special needs children. Listen to their suggestions and feelings, but make it clear that you as the parent will make the final decisions with the best interests of the whole family in mind.

 

Promoting Resilience

Growing up in a family with a sibling who has a disability clearly presents many challenges to a typically developing child. Yet those children who can rise to that challenge often emerge with extraordinary qualities. The lessons they learn from that experience while growing up will enhance their sensitivity to the feelings of others, and give them a healthier perspective on what is truly important.  This will surely enrich their outlook and relationships with others throughout their adult lives.

 

Tzivy Ross Reiter, LCSW, has written extensively about issues related to mental health and developmental disabilities. She is Assistant Director at Ohel Bais Ezra, whose services include Residential, Day Habilitation, Service Coordination, Residential Habilitation, Recreation and Respite Programs for Children and Adults with Disabilities.  For more information, on Ohel Bais Ezra, please call 718-851-6300 or visit www.ohelfamily.org.

About the Author: Tzivy Ross Reiter, LCSW-R, is a Director at Ohel Bais Ezra and an advisor to Building Blocks Magazine. She has written extensively about issues related to developmental disabilities and mental health. She is also the author of “Briefcases & Baby Bottles: The Working Mother’s Guide to Nurturing a Jewish Home; Feldheim, 2012.”


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Sibling Factor: Meeting Your Other Children’s Needs”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry .
NYT Ignores US Condemnation of PA Incitement, Prints Info on Ferguson Cop
Latest Sections Stories
West-Coast-logo

Lester Crown, a perennial member of the Forbes 400 list since 1982 and founder of the prestigious Covenant Foundation, took the stage in Washington, D.C. before a room of high-powered dignitaries, philanthropists, and innovators.

Collecting-History-logo

Not as well known, however, is Keller’s involvement with Jewish and Israeli communities.

Creativity without clarity is not sufficient for writing. I am eternally thankful to Hashem for his gift to me.

This core idea of memory is very difficult to fully comprehend; however, it is essential.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

“Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples shall divide within you.”

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

There were many French Jews who jumped at the chance to shed their ancient identity and assimilate.

As Rabbi Shemtov stood on the stage and looked out at the attendees, he told them that “Rather than take photos with your cellphones, take a mental photo and keep this Shabbat in your mind and take it with you throughout your life.”

Yeshiva v’Kollel Bais Moshe Chaim will be holding a grand celebration on the occasion of the institution’s 40th anniversary on Sunday evening, December 7. Alumni, students, friends and faculty of the yeshiva, also known as Talmudic University of Florida, will celebrate the achievement and vision of its founders and the spiritual guidance of its educational […]

The yeshiva night accommodates all levels of Jewish education.

More Articles from Tzivy Ross Reiter

There has been much made in the media about the stress on marriage and the high rates of divorce affecting couples who have a child with a developmental disability. Yet at the same time, counter studies have been published that refute many of these claims – reporting that this data has been exaggerated and that these families do not have a significantly higher divorce rate.

A friend of mine called me recently on her way home from a date. It was 11:30 p.m., and she was walking home from the subway, a 20-minute walk from her home. She said that she had a pleasant time, but was surprised when her date walked her to the subway at the end of the evening and said good night at 11 p.m. “Doesn’t he realize that at this late hour he should be escorting me home?” she cried.

“I feel mad because my brother is always breaking my things.”

“I wish things weren’t always so hard for him.”

“I feel both happy and sad that she is my sister.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/health/the-sibling-factor-meeting-your-other-children%e2%80%99s-needs/2008/06/02/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: