The Torah teaches us not to judge another. (“Al Tadin es chavercha…”). And when we see an act that can be interpreted negatively, we are directed to do just the opposite (we are to be “dan lechaf zechus“). It is something we should remember in all our relationships. But when it comes to a life we know nothing about, and of which we understand even less, like that of a well spouse, this dictum is paramount. On the other hand, is it incumbent on us not to set the stage for assumptions, by our actions. Should Rochel have explained her actions to Batsheva to keep her from assuming otherwise and taking it personally? Do we have the responsibility to constantly explain ourselves? Many well spouses feel they do. Others say, that if they did that, they would have to justify everything they do, as people have so little insight into their lives. Many refuse, like Rita, and allow people to assume what they will. Meanwhile, instead of asking for clarity most of us continue to just make assumptions about another’s actions and allow our own and others’ feelings to be hurt.Ann Novick
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