web analytics
February 27, 2015 / 8 Adar , 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Bearing The Unbearable

Pesach seemed heavier this year. I’m not talking in terms of the tremendous amount of food that was consumed or the seemingly endless lifting, bending, scrubbing, scouring and cooking that is part and parcel of pre and post Passover preparations as well as during the chag.

It was heavy emotionally. In the weeks, days and evening hours leading up to the holiday, the Yom Tov mood of many communities was subdued, even shattered, by numerous heart-breaking tragedies. In New York, New Jersey, Toronto and in Israel, there were unexpected, searing losses for several families. In Israel alone, according to a report in the Jerusalem Post, there were 167 traffic fatalities since January. One can only guess how many irreversible, life-changing injuries there were, as well.

For too many families at the seder table this year, there were unoccupied chairs.

How these families can reconcile their horrific losses and ‘celebrate’ yitzeat Mizrayim – our emancipation from the bonds of slavery can only be understood as being the ultimate testament of faith. For them there will never be ‘freedom’ from grief, guilt and the haunting contemplation of what could have been. As they go to simchas such as weddings, birthdays and holidays they will never be free of emotional pain. Feelings of anguish will envelope them like a noose that will choke and cut off whatever joy they might muster. Especially if those who they lost were children. It doesn’t matter how young or old children are – for no matter what age they attained when they were niftar, they were the sons or daughters of their mothers and fathers.

I remember an incident that took place years ago at my oldest son’s bris that took place in a small shul in a small town in Pennsylvania whose congregants were for the most part quite elderly. A wizened old man approached me and mumbled something in Yiddish that startled me and made me wonder if I had heard right. He said, “May your children sit shiva for you.” Stunned I looked at him as he smiled and shuffled away. Did this stranger basically tell me to drop dead? I decided he was demented or senile and shrugged it off. However in the days and months that followed as I held a baby burning up with fever, or who banged his head as he rolled off the bed, I understood that this wise old man had given me an incredible bracha. He had blessed me not to outlive any of my children. To not have to bear the unbearable.

It was a concept I had understood from a young age. When I was about 9-10 years old, I remember looking out of my bedroom window and looking upward. I would ‘talk’ to G-d, pleading and at the same time insisting that during my parents’ lifetime, nothing “bad” would happen to their children and future grandchildren. I already comprehended that losing a child was the ultimate human tragedy and as Holocaust survivors I pointed out to Hashem that they had paid their ‘dues’ and had suffered enough for five lifetimes. For them “Dayenu” – no more anguish or loss.

I am grateful of G-d that so it came to be. When my father Chaim ben Aron Yosef HaCohen passed away Rosh Chodesh Kislev five years ago, and when my mother was niftar two years ago 25th of Nisson, they left behind an intact family of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Some of their peers were not so lucky. Many of the survivors who moved to the fledgling State of Israel, ended up burying sons and grandsons who were killed defending their beloved country against the Amaleks of the Middle East. And then there are the thousands murdered by homicide bombers being mourned by older generations.

As we remember the Shoah this week, we must acknowledge the kiddush Hashem of all the Survivors – especially those who made aliyah – who had the bitachon and faith in G-d to start over again, making themselves vulnerable to possible grief and anguish. Their love of G-d was so unquestioning that they accepted Hashem’s unfathomable actions and incomprehensible ways, and put themselves in a position where they could suffer life-wrenching loss again.

I am grateful to Hashem that my parents were not tested again. To those of my generation and my children’s, and to those who are old enough to understand horrific loss – and have sadly experienced it, may your faith in Hashem grow. So that even though you will never understand His plans and His mystifying actions, you will at least find comfort in the knowledge that one day it will all make sense. Know that the time will come when you will be reunited with your loved ones for eternity, and live in a Perfect World, praising Hashem’s wisdom.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Bearing The Unbearable”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
18,000 Iranian Centrifuges
Reducing Iran’s Number of Centrifuges Makes a Bomb More Likely
Latest Sections Stories
Niehaus-022715

One should not give the money before Purim morning or after sunset.

Mendlowitz-022715-Basket

The mishloach manos of times gone by were sometimes simple and sometimes elaborate, but the main focus was on the preparation of the delicious food they contained.

Astaire-022715-Countryside

One of the earliest special Purims we have on record was celebrated by the Jews of Granada and Shmuel HaNagid, the eleventh-century rav, poet, soldier and statesman, and one of the most influential Jews in Muslim Spain.

South-Florida-logo

Jews, wake up! Stop educating the world and start educating yourselves.

The lessons conform to the sensitivities and needs of the Orthodox community…

The program took on special significance as it marked not only the first anniversary of Rebbetzin Kudan’s levayah but also the 27th yahrzeit of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson, a”h.

It captures the love of the Jewish soul as only Shlomo Hamelech could portray it – and as only Rabbi Miller could explain it.

Erudite and academic, drawing from ancient and modern sources, the book can be discussed at the Shabbos table as well as in kollel.

I’m here to sit next to you and help you through this Purim with three almost-too-easy mishloach manot ideas, all made with cost-conscious paper bags.

Kids want to be like their friends, and they want to give and get “normal” mishloach manos stocked with store-bought treats.

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

“OMG, it’s so cute, you’re so cute, everything is so cute.”

A program that started with a handful of volunteers has grown exponentially to include students from a wider array of backgrounds.

Tutor. Counselor. The doctor too,
Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with you.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

Kupfer-092614-Books

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

Unpleasant happenings are quickly discarded if they do not affect us directly.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.

Make no mistake: in the wrong hands cars are weapons of mass destruction.

Where once divorce in heimische communities was relatively uncommon, nowadays every family has a son, daughter, sibling cousin who is divorced – sometimes twice or even three times!

Many go about the business of living frum, observant lives, but they are only going through the motions.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/bearing-the-unbearable/2005/05/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: