web analytics
May 23, 2013 /14 Sivan, 5773
At a Glance ▼
Sections
Sponsored Post
The Tosfos Yomtov was convinced that the death of 300,000 –600,000 Jews during the Chmielnicki massacres of 1648-49 were because of improper Tefila. Communicated: Tefilla

Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.



Distorted Reality

Published: April 18th, 2007
tell a friend

(Names Changed)

 

        We all have preconceived notions that we accept as real and never challenge. One of these is the concept of what is considered old. I have sat with a group of woman, and though many in the group qualified for a seniors discount, those that did, refused to acknowledge that they were that age. It was more important for them to maintain an imaginary age publicly, instead of getting the break financially. Those of us not in that age bracket could not believe it. Until the following year when the scene was repeated, only now we had more seniors who refused to acknowledge they were seniors and this included the very people who made fun of this group the year before. Interestingly, their view of being a senior seemed to change once they joined the ranks.

 

         Seniors today are certainly not the seniors I remember. Not only are seniors acting younger and doing more, but they are also actually a younger group. Once, you had to be the magic age of 65 to qualify for being a senior − when 65 was the usual retirement age. At that point, we the young and inexperienced, expected you to be too old to work and would go joyously to your rocking chairs. Today, more people are taking early retirement and the 50s is the age that many start second careers. There are many places that now identify you as a senior at the young age of 50 and let you qualify for many wonderful events and discounts. All you have to do is get past the word senior, in your mind, and not let it inhibit you from having fun.

 

         Shani was a former well spouse. Her husband had passed away just a year ago and she was adjusting to life as a widow. Fortunately for Shani, she no longer had to work. Now that the expenses for her husband’s care were gone, she found that if she was careful, she could live comfortably on her pension and Social Security. For a year now, she has been wondering how to fill her days. Caring for her husband had left her with no time for herself. Now that she had the time, she seemed to not remember how to use it.

 

         She had been asked to volunteer to visit the sick in her community and other illness-related tasks, at which  she was an expert. However, she just couldn’t bring herself to do that type of chesed right now. That was something she needed a break from. Along with helping out in her community in various ways, she wanted to have fun, make new friends and do different things she had not had time or energy for over the last few years. But, she did not know where to begin to find the things she wanted. Someone suggested she look into the seniors group at the local JCC. Shani was taken aback. After all she was only in her 50s and didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of 80-year-olds. What would they have in common? What were people thinking!

 

         A year later, in Shani’s well-spouse support group, Andrea also lost her husband and found herself going through the same journey as Shani. The difference was that, though only 55, Andrea wasn’t deterred by the title of “senior” and began to explore what the same JCC had to offer her. Yes there were older people in the building, but Andrea discovered that there were “seniors” there who were younger than she, as well. She was also open to who the person was and not the number of years they had been on this earth.

 

         Rather quickly, Andrea began to find many “senior” programs in which she wanted to participate. These groups had people of every age, but the common interests and wealth of experience made the group rich with diversity and knowledge. She started to fill her days with classes and activities. She made new friends. However, she could not get Shani past her concept of what a “senior” is  and join her. Today  Andrea is leading a new and fulfilling life. Shani is still looking for one.

 

         In any situation that faces you, it is important to challenge your preconceived notions and see what you are basing your decisions on. Perhaps they are based on something real and important. On the other hand, they may just be a reflection of something you once heard that has no basis in fact. If you refuse to examine your ideas and look into what is holding you back from going on with your life, you may be cutting yourself off for no reason, from a future that is wonderful and full. Just as Shani did.

 

         You can contact me at annnovick@hotmail.com

tell a friend

About the Author:


You might also be interested in:


no comments

You must log in to post a comment.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Minister Yaakov Perry, (Yesh Atid, on the left), with Minister Limor Livnat, (Likud, second from left) visit Haredi soldiers serving in the Israeli Air Force, April 23, 2013.
Perry Committee Haredi Recruitment Plan: Sanctions on Draft Dodgers
Latest Sections Stories
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary
Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships

From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.

Schonfeld-logo1
Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

Shel Silverstein’s 1974 poem “Where The Sidewalk Ends” is intended to paint a magical picture of a world of peace and serenity far away from the “black and dark streets.” At the time, perhaps the end of the sidewalk was a place that was “measured and slow.” Today, however, for many parents, where the sidewalk ends can feel like a scary place.

Sections → Community → South Florida

Florida is famous for sparkling water. We have the beautiful Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico surrounding our coast. We have bays, lakes, canals and, of course, an incredible abundance of swimming pools in homes, resorts, apartment complexes and city parks.

Sections → Community → South Florida

The buzz is back as Camp Gan Israel Florida Overnight gears up for another fantastic summer, CGI Florida style. What makes CGI Florida so different from all the other overnight camps? It’s all in the details.

Sections → Magazine → Teens and Twenties

Leah Katz, a TeenZone camper at Oorah’s TheZone summer camp and an 11th grader at Midwood High School, read her winning essay about how TheZone changed her views on Judaism at the Jewish Heritage Awards Ceremony held at Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes’s office in April. The purpose of the Jewish Heritage Essay Contest is to acquaint public school students with Jewish history and customs and to help foster a deeper understanding of Jewish culture. The contest is open to students of all ethnic and religious backgrounds. Leah’s essay is reproduced in full below.

Sections → Jewess Press → Impact Of Women On Jewish History/Prof. L. Jackson

Moshe Sharett, the head of the Jewish Agency’s Political Department, visited Egypt in 1945. In Cairo he met a most remarkable young woman, a beautiful journalist who was the darling of Egyptian high society – from high-ranking military brass, to culture icons and Muslim sheikhs, to the court of King Faruk.

Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships

The two proceeded to talk about everyday things and surprisingly her mother-in-law did not find anything else to criticize. This occurred a few more times, with my client changing the topic every time by complimenting her mother-in-law or mentioning something positive about her.

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

There is always a lot of confusion surrounding sensory processing disorder – mainly because there are many different diagnoses that fall under the catch-all phrase sensory processing disorder (SPD). Among them are three specific subcategories:

Sections → Family

The doctor had warned us that even if we did everything right and followed the protocol after the follicle was of the right size, there was no guarantee of success. Fertilization still had to occur, and just like couples do not necessarily become pregnant every month, we had no way to know if we were actually expecting for two full weeks.

Sections → Community → West Coast Happenings

Jewish Press columnist Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, founder and president of Hineni, the international Torah outreach organization, recently addressed an overflowing audience at the Beth Jacob Congregation of Irvine in southern California. Rebbetzin Jungreis’s address theme, “Making a Good Relationship Magical,” was apropos for the evening’s main mission: raising funds for the Irvine community’s mikveh.

More Articles from Ann Novick
Sections → Magazine → Archives

When one is blind one learns to use Braille to read. When one cannot walk, a wheelchair gives mobility. Sign language allows a mute person to speak and ocular implants assist in hearing when one is deaf. These are all compensatory strategies that help a person function despite his disability. But compensatory strategies are not just for physical problems. Understanding our psychological weaknesses and setting up our lives to ensure that we are not tempted to repeat our past mistakes, is as necessary as any aid to the disabled.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Well spouses have often discovered that their friends and relatives, despite their closeness to the situation, often don’t realize the tremendous emotional impact living with chronic illness has on the family. With the best intentions, suggestions, ideas and criticism are offered, based on the non-experience of those with healthy families. Even when the good intentioned get a taste of the difficulties, it is sometimes not enough for them to then identify and understand what the family of the chronically ill must face on a constant basis.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Over the past two weeks I have shared letters from a therapist and a well spouse. Both of the letters gave personal insights into the process of losing hope, how we react when that happens and some ways of coping when test scores, diagnosis and just simple repetitive behavior indicate that change for the better is impossible.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Dear Ann,

I’ve read your last few articles on psycho-neurological testing (Oct.8-22) with interest. As a therapist who has counseled couples dealing with chronic illness, I’d like to give you another perspective.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Dear Ann,

Your articles on the Neuro-Psychological Testing were right on (October 8-22). My husband underwent testing twice and your articles explained it things exactly the way they were. Besides the test, we also tried therapy.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Very often when we can’t face our big hurts or big loses we focus on the little ones. We can discuss those. We can cry over the small loses, be angry at the smaller hurts even though it may look trite and sound ridiculous to others.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Over the last two weeks we have been discussing one way in which well spouses can determine whether behavior displayed by their ill partners is caused by their illness or is a way they have chosen to act. We have focused on Psycho-Neurological testing, what it can tell us, as well as its pros and cons.

Sections → Magazine → Archives

Last week I discussed a question that haunts many well spouses: not knowing if the difficult and often inappropriate behavior frequently displayed by their partners are caused by the disease and therefore not-controllable, or if the behavior is a choice the spouse makes and can therefore be changed. This doubt can be the source of much frustration and many marital disagreements. One way of alleviating this doubt is by having a psycho- neurological work up done. But that path is not so simple.

    Latest Poll

    Which is the most beautiful location in Jerusalem?









    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/distorted-reality/2007/04/18/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online:

Related posts:

  1. Triply Blessed
  2. Staten Island
Close