Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.
“You invited your readers’ opinions, re: the adult American children who did not want their remarried parents to move to Israel. Their remarried parents should have no qualms whatsoever in pursuing their dreams and moving to the Holy Land. They have already fulfilled their duties to their children. Their adult children and their families could visit them occasionally in Israel, or vice versa. Their children are being selfish and, in addition, should be reminded that their parents will be fulfilling a mitzvah by residing in Israel.”
“Starting a new life so many miles away may be wonderful, but we older people get sick and need our family. What do they expect? Do they think when they get sick in Israel or, G-d forbid, develop Alzheimer’s disease, their kids (whom they left) can just drop everything and come to their support?”
“I have been thinking about these things for a long time. Your article has brought some of these thoughts out. I think of the short time we have left (60 years if we reach 120), of our failing health and our difficulty walking, eating, driving and even sleeping. I worry that we are not taking the time to figure out what it is we want, as opposed to what all the others around us want; or what we want, as opposed to our need to be with (our children), no matter how pleasant. How often do we ignore our inner voice and silence our unspoken needs, not even taking the time to figure out what those needs might be? I am concerned that if I had to make the decision these people have to make, I don’t really know what I’d want. And sometimes it is hard to know which choice would make me really, really happy.”
“I call it being ‘on the shelf’ until you’re needed. Sometimes the shelf is a comfortable place to be and sometimes it’s not. But if we have been on the shelf long enough (to be taken down when we are needed by our children), we would sorely miss it if we were no longer there. Or, would we miss the familiarity and solidity of it? On the other hand, if we got off and removed the shelf altogether (pursuing our own dreams)…well, there’s your question.”
“I think there needs to be a delicate balance between pursuing your own dreams and helping anyone with whom you’re in a relationship pursuing their dreams. Any relationship is a give-and-take partnership. In some stages of life, there will be more giving and in some stages there should be more taking. Our expectations of our infant children are different than that of our adult children. And it’s our job to help that child grow from a dependent infant into an independent adult. The more you make them independent, the easier it will be for you to pursue your own dreams later on. I think at this point, the couple should work very hard at making it clear to their children that they love them and will still be there for them, even though they are physically far away. The practicalities of being there will change, but not the emotions.”
“One of our biggest jobs as parents is to teach our children how to do the mitzvot properly. And one of the biggest mitzvot is kibud av v’em (honor your father and mother). We are taught that how children relate to their parents is a mirror of how they relate to Hashem. It is important for us, as parents, to teach our children that they should not just ‘take’ from us. The mitzvah teaches a child to ‘give’ to his parents whatever they need (food, respect, etc.), just as we have to ‘give’ to Hashem, by davening, reciting brachot and doing mitzvot (which can, at times, be inconvenient). Children also need to give to parents what they ask for, verbally or otherwise. This couple is asking their children to allow them to fulfill their neshama’s desires. The children must – in observing the mitzvah of kibud av v’em – happily send their parents to Israel. They will have to learn how to stay ‘close’ while being far away.”
The above responses clearly show that the decision for adult parents to make aliya is not an easy one. There is much to decide, and many people’s feelings to be considered – not the least being our own. Is it true that we can prepare our children to be more “giving” as we age? Do most of us really know what we want and what will make us happy as we get older? Or is it just “black and white” and all we need is to do what we want – and go or not go?
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Nearly half a million of them fought in Red Army uniforms, under communist slogans but with a personal vengeance that was solely the result of Jewish experience. More than the “Greatest Generation,” they were the living superheroes hidden in plain sight.
It’s all over.
The orchestra is still, the lights are dimmed. Your simcha outfits hang in your closet, silent witnesses to a time you will treasure in your mind and heart forever.
After noticing that you can’t log into your computer, your pulse quickens as you are called into your supervisor’s office. S/he has some bad news. You are being laid off. You have 15 minutes to clean out your desk and surrender your cell phone before security escorts you out of the building. Job termination, especially in the corporate world, can be heartless.
I have always had a problem with the Omer. Doing the mitzvah of counting the Omer was of course pretty easy. Remembering to start the second evening of Passover and remembering to stop the day before Shavous took a little concentration but somehow I always managed. No, for me the nagging problem was always why was I doing this in the first place, other than the fact it was a biblical (according to the Rambam) commandment.
With the semi-mourning period of Sefira behind us, and the festival of Shavuot as well (as evidenced by the tightness of our clothing due to over-indulging in irresistible versions of cheesecake that is an integral component of celebrating our receipt of the Torah), our community can look forward to participating in joyous engagement parties and weddings.
Dear Dr. Yael:
Do you really believe that the Internet is the reason why the divorce rate is so high among young couples? This may be so in some cases, but what about the fact that many singles are pressured to get married at a young age despite not having any idea what they are looking for in a mate? And add to that the fact that many are pressured to make a decision about marriage after dating for a very short period of time.
From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.
Shel Silverstein’s 1974 poem “Where The Sidewalk Ends” is intended to paint a magical picture of a world of peace and serenity far away from the “black and dark streets.” At the time, perhaps the end of the sidewalk was a place that was “measured and slow.” Today, however, for many parents, where the sidewalk ends can feel like a scary place.
The next chapter of the award-winning novel.
Florida is famous for sparkling water. We have the beautiful Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico surrounding our coast. We have bays, lakes, canals and, of course, an incredible abundance of swimming pools in homes, resorts, apartment complexes and city parks.
The buzz is back as Camp Gan Israel Florida Overnight gears up for another fantastic summer, CGI Florida style. What makes CGI Florida so different from all the other overnight camps? It’s all in the details.
Leah Katz, a TeenZone camper at Oorah’s TheZone summer camp and an 11th grader at Midwood High School, read her winning essay about how TheZone changed her views on Judaism at the Jewish Heritage Awards Ceremony held at Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes’s office in April. The purpose of the Jewish Heritage Essay Contest is to acquaint public school students with Jewish history and customs and to help foster a deeper understanding of Jewish culture. The contest is open to students of all ethnic and religious backgrounds. Leah’s essay is reproduced in full below.
Moshe Sharett, the head of the Jewish Agency’s Political Department, visited Egypt in 1945. In Cairo he met a most remarkable young woman, a beautiful journalist who was the darling of Egyptian high society – from high-ranking military brass, to culture icons and Muslim sheikhs, to the court of King Faruk.
The two proceeded to talk about everyday things and surprisingly her mother-in-law did not find anything else to criticize. This occurred a few more times, with my client changing the topic every time by complimenting her mother-in-law or mentioning something positive about her.
When one is blind one learns to use Braille to read. When one cannot walk, a wheelchair gives mobility. Sign language allows a mute person to speak and ocular implants assist in hearing when one is deaf. These are all compensatory strategies that help a person function despite his disability. But compensatory strategies are not just for physical problems. Understanding our psychological weaknesses and setting up our lives to ensure that we are not tempted to repeat our past mistakes, is as necessary as any aid to the disabled.
Well spouses have often discovered that their friends and relatives, despite their closeness to the situation, often don’t realize the tremendous emotional impact living with chronic illness has on the family. With the best intentions, suggestions, ideas and criticism are offered, based on the non-experience of those with healthy families. Even when the good intentioned get a taste of the difficulties, it is sometimes not enough for them to then identify and understand what the family of the chronically ill must face on a constant basis.
Over the past two weeks I have shared letters from a therapist and a well spouse. Both of the letters gave personal insights into the process of losing hope, how we react when that happens and some ways of coping when test scores, diagnosis and just simple repetitive behavior indicate that change for the better is impossible.
I’ve read your last few articles on psycho-neurological testing (Oct.8-22) with interest. As a therapist who has counseled couples dealing with chronic illness, I’d like to give you another perspective.
Your articles on the Neuro-Psychological Testing were right on (October 8-22). My husband underwent testing twice and your articles explained it things exactly the way they were. Besides the test, we also tried therapy.
Very often when we can’t face our big hurts or big loses we focus on the little ones. We can discuss those. We can cry over the small loses, be angry at the smaller hurts even though it may look trite and sound ridiculous to others.
Over the last two weeks we have been discussing one way in which well spouses can determine whether behavior displayed by their ill partners is caused by their illness or is a way they have chosen to act. We have focused on Psycho-Neurological testing, what it can tell us, as well as its pros and cons.
Last week I discussed a question that haunts many well spouses: not knowing if the difficult and often inappropriate behavior frequently displayed by their partners are caused by the disease and therefore not-controllable, or if the behavior is a choice the spouse makes and can therefore be changed. This doubt can be the source of much frustration and many marital disagreements. One way of alleviating this doubt is by having a psycho- neurological work up done. But that path is not so simple.
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/follow-your-dreams-the-responses-of-parents/2006/07/19/
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