web analytics
April 16, 2014 / 16 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Spa 1.2 Combining Modern Living in Traditional Jerusalem

A unique and prestigious residential project in now being built in Mekor Haim Street in Jerusalem.



Long Term Care Insurance (Part 1)

Share Button


(Names and situation changed as requested)


 


         We live in a generation where it is expected that the parents will continuously help their children. Whether it is financial and emotional support after marriage, hosting the next 20 years of Yomim Tovim or having the child move in with you (along with her large family) from before the birth of a grandchild until a month or more after; the expectation is there. And we, the parents, have bought into this. I am not at this time going to go into the pros and cons of this support. Instead, I want to discuss what I feel is a greater gift to our children. That is making sure we are cared for, independent of them, as we become too ill or too old to care for ourselves.

 

         Recently something called Long Term Care insurance has come on the market. This insurance (which I will discuss in more detail next week) ensures that you will have the money to hire help should you need assistance in any of life needs such as bathing, walking, dressing, eating etc. It can mean the difference between a private room and a four-bed room in a facility. It could certainly enable most people, though infirmed, to live the rest of their years in their own home. Being able to stay in your own home, being cared for physically by others and not your children is the greatest gift, I feel, I could give my children and myself. Most well spouses I have talked to, having been caregivers for so long, feel the same.

 

         Though the insurance is expensive, many of us could afford it if we did not take on the task of caring for our children in the presently expected way. Instead, our funds could be invested in our future well-being and that of our children.

 

         Rhoda was not wealthy. In truth, she had trouble making ends meet. Thank G-d her children were all grown and married, and though they struggled financially, they too were able to put food on the table. It was Rhoda’s dream to someday be able to help her children the way her neighbors did. She’d love to help her daughter to buy a house and her son to get a new car. She wanted to give a vacation to this one and a chance to “learn” to that one. But it just wasn’t possible.

 

         Then, Rhoda was unfortunately in a bad car accident. Once she recovered, she discovered the settlement would enable her to help her children in the way she always dreamed about. Rhoda was thrilled and joyously went about fulfilling each of her children’s dreams. She didn’t care that she left nothing for herself. She felt wonderful just doing for her children. Rhoda’s friend Chava was a well spouse. Not only had Chava cared for her husband for most of her married life, but now that she was aging she saw that she too might someday need assistance. It was simply part of the aging process. She talked to Rhoda about putting some of the money into a Long Term Care Policy so she would not need to be dependent on her children as she aged. But Rhoda wanted nothing for herself, and so she gave her children everything she had gotten from the settlement.

 

         Several years later Rhoda had a stroke. She was left unable to care for herself in many ways. The care-giving was left to her family, most of whom were juggling two jobs and large families. They tried their best, but care giving is tedious, stressful and hard work. It takes its toll. The children argued among themselves that not all of them were doing their fair share. The good terms between the siblings started to become a faint memory. Of course, none of this could be hidden from Rhoda who suffered the most by what she felt she was imposing on her children. Had she taken some of the settlement money and provided for illness, should it happen, perhaps they would all have been better off.

 

         It is very hard for many of us to go against what is expected in our communities. Those that can’t meet the expectations often feel inadequate and guilty. But what is expected is not what is always best for the children and or the parents. It is up to each of us to decide for ourselves, what is best for our family as a whole. Sometimes what is really best for our family is to take care of our own needs and wants. It requires courage along with forethought, but it may be the very thing that holds our family together long into future generations.

 

         You can contact me at annnovick@hotmail.com 

Share Button

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

No Responses to “Long Term Care Insurance (Part 1)”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
The interior of the El Ghriba synagogue on the island of Djerba, Tunisia, in 2009.
Tunisian Jew Stabbed in Djerba
Latest Sections Stories
Tali Hill, a beneficiary of the Max Factor Family Foundation.

The plan’s goal is to provide supportive housing to 200 individuals with disabilities by the year 2020.

Yeshiva Day School of Las Vegas’s deans, Rabbi Moshe Katz and Rabbi Zev Goldman, present award to Educator of the Year, Rabbi Michoel Paris.

Despite being one of the fastest-growing Jewish communities in the U.S. – the estimated Jewish population is 70-80,000 – Las Vegas has long been overlooked by much of the Torah world.

She was followed by the shadows of the Six Million, by the ever so subtle awareness of their vanished presence.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Now all the pain, fear and struggle were over and they were home. Yuli was safe and free, a hero returned to his land and people.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Alternative assessments are an extremely important part of understanding what students know beyond the scope of tests and quizzes.

Your husband seems to have experienced what we have described as the Ambivalent Attachment.

The goal of the crusade is to demonize and hurt Israel.

The JUMP program at Hebrew Academy was generously sponsored by Evelyn and Dr. Shmuel Katz.

More Articles from Ann Novick

When one is blind one learns to use Braille to read. When one cannot walk, a wheelchair gives mobility. Sign language allows a mute person to speak and ocular implants assist in hearing when one is deaf. These are all compensatory strategies that help a person function despite his disability. But compensatory strategies are not just for physical problems. Understanding our psychological weaknesses and setting up our lives to ensure that we are not tempted to repeat our past mistakes, is as necessary as any aid to the disabled.

Well spouses have often discovered that their friends and relatives, despite their closeness to the situation, often don’t realize the tremendous emotional impact living with chronic illness has on the family. With the best intentions, suggestions, ideas and criticism are offered, based on the non-experience of those with healthy families. Even when the good intentioned get a taste of the difficulties, it is sometimes not enough for them to then identify and understand what the family of the chronically ill must face on a constant basis.

Over the past two weeks I have shared letters from a therapist and a well spouse. Both of the letters gave personal insights into the process of losing hope, how we react when that happens and some ways of coping when test scores, diagnosis and just simple repetitive behavior indicate that change for the better is impossible.

Dear Ann,

I’ve read your last few articles on psycho-neurological testing (Oct.8-22) with interest. As a therapist who has counseled couples dealing with chronic illness, I’d like to give you another perspective.

Dear Ann,

Your articles on the Neuro-Psychological Testing were right on (October 8-22). My husband underwent testing twice and your articles explained it things exactly the way they were. Besides the test, we also tried therapy.

Very often when we can’t face our big hurts or big loses we focus on the little ones. We can discuss those. We can cry over the small loses, be angry at the smaller hurts even though it may look trite and sound ridiculous to others.

Over the last two weeks we have been discussing one way in which well spouses can determine whether behavior displayed by their ill partners is caused by their illness or is a way they have chosen to act. We have focused on Psycho-Neurological testing, what it can tell us, as well as its pros and cons.

Last week I discussed a question that haunts many well spouses: not knowing if the difficult and often inappropriate behavior frequently displayed by their partners are caused by the disease and therefore not-controllable, or if the behavior is a choice the spouse makes and can therefore be changed. This doubt can be the source of much frustration and many marital disagreements. One way of alleviating this doubt is by having a psycho- neurological work up done. But that path is not so simple.

    Latest Poll

    Now that Kerry's "Peace Talks" are apparently over, are you...?







    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/long-term-care-insurance-part-1/2007/10/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: