web analytics
September 23, 2014 / 28 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Long Term Care Insurance (Part 1)


(Names and situation changed as requested)


 


         We live in a generation where it is expected that the parents will continuously help their children. Whether it is financial and emotional support after marriage, hosting the next 20 years of Yomim Tovim or having the child move in with you (along with her large family) from before the birth of a grandchild until a month or more after; the expectation is there. And we, the parents, have bought into this. I am not at this time going to go into the pros and cons of this support. Instead, I want to discuss what I feel is a greater gift to our children. That is making sure we are cared for, independent of them, as we become too ill or too old to care for ourselves.

 

         Recently something called Long Term Care insurance has come on the market. This insurance (which I will discuss in more detail next week) ensures that you will have the money to hire help should you need assistance in any of life needs such as bathing, walking, dressing, eating etc. It can mean the difference between a private room and a four-bed room in a facility. It could certainly enable most people, though infirmed, to live the rest of their years in their own home. Being able to stay in your own home, being cared for physically by others and not your children is the greatest gift, I feel, I could give my children and myself. Most well spouses I have talked to, having been caregivers for so long, feel the same.

 

         Though the insurance is expensive, many of us could afford it if we did not take on the task of caring for our children in the presently expected way. Instead, our funds could be invested in our future well-being and that of our children.

 

         Rhoda was not wealthy. In truth, she had trouble making ends meet. Thank G-d her children were all grown and married, and though they struggled financially, they too were able to put food on the table. It was Rhoda’s dream to someday be able to help her children the way her neighbors did. She’d love to help her daughter to buy a house and her son to get a new car. She wanted to give a vacation to this one and a chance to “learn” to that one. But it just wasn’t possible.

 

         Then, Rhoda was unfortunately in a bad car accident. Once she recovered, she discovered the settlement would enable her to help her children in the way she always dreamed about. Rhoda was thrilled and joyously went about fulfilling each of her children’s dreams. She didn’t care that she left nothing for herself. She felt wonderful just doing for her children. Rhoda’s friend Chava was a well spouse. Not only had Chava cared for her husband for most of her married life, but now that she was aging she saw that she too might someday need assistance. It was simply part of the aging process. She talked to Rhoda about putting some of the money into a Long Term Care Policy so she would not need to be dependent on her children as she aged. But Rhoda wanted nothing for herself, and so she gave her children everything she had gotten from the settlement.

 

         Several years later Rhoda had a stroke. She was left unable to care for herself in many ways. The care-giving was left to her family, most of whom were juggling two jobs and large families. They tried their best, but care giving is tedious, stressful and hard work. It takes its toll. The children argued among themselves that not all of them were doing their fair share. The good terms between the siblings started to become a faint memory. Of course, none of this could be hidden from Rhoda who suffered the most by what she felt she was imposing on her children. Had she taken some of the settlement money and provided for illness, should it happen, perhaps they would all have been better off.

 

         It is very hard for many of us to go against what is expected in our communities. Those that can’t meet the expectations often feel inadequate and guilty. But what is expected is not what is always best for the children and or the parents. It is up to each of us to decide for ourselves, what is best for our family as a whole. Sometimes what is really best for our family is to take care of our own needs and wants. It requires courage along with forethought, but it may be the very thing that holds our family together long into future generations.

 

         You can contact me at annnovick@hotmail.com 

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Long Term Care Insurance (Part 1)”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
NY rally against Met Opera's 'Death of Klinghoffer' opera. Sept. 22, 2014.
New York City Site of Huge Rally Against Met’s Klinghoffer Opera
Latest Sections Stories
book-diversity-divine

For each weekly reading, Rabbi Grysman begins with a synopsis of the Torah portion, followed by a focus on a major issue.

South-Florida-logo

It’s Rosh Hashanah. A new year. Time for a fresh start. Time for a new slate. Time for change.

South-Florida-logo

Governor Rick Scott visited North Miami Beach/Aventura on the morning of Wednesday, September 17.

South-Florida-logo

While the cost per student is higher than mainstream schools, Metzuyan Academy ESE is a priceless educational opportunity for children with special needs in South Florida.

Challah-pa-looza helped get the community ready and excited about the upcoming Jewish New Year.

Miami businessman and philanthropist Eli Nash had many in tears as he shared his story of the horrific abuse he suffered from age 8 to 11.

As optimistic as Menachem Rosenberg is – and he said he is going to Uman – he’s sure that this year, most of the travelers will not tour other religious sites or places in Ukraine.

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

Not enjoying saying no, I often succumbed to requests viewing them as demands I couldn’t refuse.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

More Articles from Ann Novick

When one is blind one learns to use Braille to read. When one cannot walk, a wheelchair gives mobility. Sign language allows a mute person to speak and ocular implants assist in hearing when one is deaf. These are all compensatory strategies that help a person function despite his disability. But compensatory strategies are not just for physical problems. Understanding our psychological weaknesses and setting up our lives to ensure that we are not tempted to repeat our past mistakes, is as necessary as any aid to the disabled.

Well spouses have often discovered that their friends and relatives, despite their closeness to the situation, often don’t realize the tremendous emotional impact living with chronic illness has on the family. With the best intentions, suggestions, ideas and criticism are offered, based on the non-experience of those with healthy families. Even when the good intentioned get a taste of the difficulties, it is sometimes not enough for them to then identify and understand what the family of the chronically ill must face on a constant basis.

Over the past two weeks I have shared letters from a therapist and a well spouse. Both of the letters gave personal insights into the process of losing hope, how we react when that happens and some ways of coping when test scores, diagnosis and just simple repetitive behavior indicate that change for the better is impossible.

Dear Ann,

I’ve read your last few articles on psycho-neurological testing (Oct.8-22) with interest. As a therapist who has counseled couples dealing with chronic illness, I’d like to give you another perspective.

Dear Ann,

Your articles on the Neuro-Psychological Testing were right on (October 8-22). My husband underwent testing twice and your articles explained it things exactly the way they were. Besides the test, we also tried therapy.

Very often when we can’t face our big hurts or big loses we focus on the little ones. We can discuss those. We can cry over the small loses, be angry at the smaller hurts even though it may look trite and sound ridiculous to others.

Over the last two weeks we have been discussing one way in which well spouses can determine whether behavior displayed by their ill partners is caused by their illness or is a way they have chosen to act. We have focused on Psycho-Neurological testing, what it can tell us, as well as its pros and cons.

Last week I discussed a question that haunts many well spouses: not knowing if the difficult and often inappropriate behavior frequently displayed by their partners are caused by the disease and therefore not-controllable, or if the behavior is a choice the spouse makes and can therefore be changed. This doubt can be the source of much frustration and many marital disagreements. One way of alleviating this doubt is by having a psycho- neurological work up done. But that path is not so simple.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/long-term-care-insurance-part-1/2007/10/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: