web analytics
July 5, 2015 / 18 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Beware Of The Krimme

Kupfer-082914-Chuppah

People often ask me where I get my ideas for my columns, and the truth is, often I will see and hear people interacting and it leaves an impression on me that I think is worth sharing. Sometimes it is a positive one; other times what I observe is quite disturbing and disheartening.

Sometimes a reader will ask me to write about something that he/she experienced in order to educate people – often to give them the benefit of that experience and offer some insight.

One person complained to me about the sad reality of difficult people. In Yiddish, there is a word that nails the essence of what can only be described as difficult individuals. They are krimme menschen. Now the word “krim” (or krum) technically means crooked, but that implies not straight or dishonest, which is not necessarily the case. When applied to human beings, it means warped, as often their thinking is distorted and awry.

The following example is based on a real situation.

A young lady, the youngest of her family, was getting married and of course the various machatanim (in-laws of siblings – there is no actual word in English) were invited. One couple had to drive several hours to come to the simcha. As the chuppah approached the michitin (sibling’s father-in-law) inquired as to what sheva bracha he was getting. The kallah’s parents were taken aback because they had not planned to give this man a bracha especially because none of their other machatanim were going to be called up. That was the case as well for the machatanim on the chassan’s side. There were roshei yeshiva and rabbanim who were slated for kibudim.

Sensing the michitin was going to feel slighted, the parents explained the situation to an elderly uncle who graciously gave up his spot. With a sigh of deep relief for a “situation” that was averted, the parents joyfully walked their daughter to her new life.

After the chuppah and throughout the meal, the kallah’s parents noticed that these particular machatanim were aloof and barely joined in the dancing. It was later conveyed to them by their child that her in-laws were insulted that her father-in-law was given the third, but as it turns out shortest bracha,the one that ends with yotzair ha’adam.

This is krimkeit – when an individual has an inflated sense of importance and expects to be treated according to his “higher” status. The fact that other machatanim did not expect to get a sheva bracha at the chuppah just emphasizes how twisted this couple’s thinking was.

Not unexpectedly, after years of trying to please her impossible-to-please in-laws, catering to their demands and expectations, trying to placate them and give in to their demands, the young wife gave her husband an ultimatum: They move far away or get divorced.

Then there is another kind of krimkeit: gross indifference. Decades ago I would occasionally help out in my children’s school. One time, the field where the kids played during recess was particularly muddy, as it had rained heavily the day before. A child was brought into the office covered in mud, literally from head to toe. He had been playing baseball and “slid” in order to get to base. A home run for his team but a big mess for him. I called his mother and asked her if she could bring a change of clothing. From the background noise I could tell she was in a restaurant. She told me that she was busy and that he could sit in his wet clothes for the rest of the day. It would teach him to be more careful.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Beware Of The Krimme”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Future guard? Arab child with Hamas headband aims toy rifle on the Temple Mount after prayers in the Al Aqsa mosque.
CNN Promotes Old City on Verge of Extinction Due to ‘Political Tension’
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

Orlando was once a place where people came only to visit and vacation. Now it is home to a burgeoning Torah community, a place Jewish families can be proud to call home.

South-Florida-logo

The smuggler’s life has been changed forever. He is faced with a major criminal charge. He will probably be sent to prison.

South-Florida-logo

“Thanks to a local philanthropist who shares our core mission, we now are able to connect more Jewish teens to Israel than ever before,” said Todd Cohn, executive director of Southern NCSY.

In September 2013 he was appointed head rabbi of the IDF Central Command and is currently in charge of special projects for the IDF chief rabbinate.

Last month we outlined how a few years after Judah Touro’s death a public movement was inaugurated by the citizens of New Orleans to erect a monument to his memory, and that opposition to this tribute came from a number of rabbis throughout the country who claimed that Judaism forbade the erection of any graven […]

Marceau suggested a dark reason for his wordless art: “The people who came back from the [concentration] camps were never able to talk about it…. My name is Mangel. I am Jewish. Perhaps that, unconsciously, contributed towards my choice of silence.”

Anna Henriques, who hopes to one day head back to Jamaica, says, “Rabbi Raskin must be willing to respect what exists in Jamaica. The way to the future is to gently bring in the traditions of the past and at the same time embrace the idiosyncrasies of the Jamaican people.”

The Silver Platter has it all: gorgeous photography, oodles of useful tips and, more importantly, incredible recipes that you will find yourself making again and again.

It may be that seeking to connect with the past is rooted in the impermanence and impersonality of modern life.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-030615

Times have changed and divorced people have sadly gone from being singularities to almost a sub-community.

Kupfer-020615

The role of the rav has expanded to include situations that have nothing to do with halacha.

Is the Torah offering nechama by subtly hinting that death brings reunion with loved ones who preceded you?

Was it possible that these butchers of Jewish children had been living the “good life” all these years?

I believe that each person is half a soul and marriage reunites the two.

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Neglect, indifference or criticism can break a person’s neshama.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/on-our-own/beware-of-the-krimme/2014/08/29/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: