web analytics
December 19, 2014 / 27 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Beware The Fourth Son

Kupfer-032913

Shortly after we begin reciting the story of Pesach at the Seder as written in the Haggadah, we are introduced to the “Four Sons.” These individuals represent four very different types of Jews. First showcased is the wise son – he is the child every parent and teacher prays to be blessed with. He is smart, respectful, has a thirst for knowledge and has stayed on the derech of his people. He is curious and asks questions in order to satisfy his quest for knowledge of his heritage. He is called the “good” son.

The second son mentioned happens to also be intelligent, but he is off the derech, and has distanced himself from his family and religious traditions. His arrogant, chutzpadik tone highlights the deep distain he has for the rituals and mores of the Jewish people – a nation that he has deliberately disconnected from. He asks, “What is all this to you?” – his language indicating that he does not include himself. He is referred to as the rasha – the evil one.

The third son gives the impression of being good-natured but is either very young or simple-minded. He is curious about his current environment – the myriad of Pesach preparations – and is curious and asks about it. The Torah states that one should teach each child according to his level, and so the answer to his question is likewise simple and easy to understand. Though he does not necessarily absorb the greater picture and the nuances of Yiddishkeit, he accepts it and identifies with it. He is known as the “simple” son.

The fourth child seems to be oblivious to his surroundings and is described in the Haggadah as not even knowing how to ask. I find that depiction of him rather hard to accept at face value. How is it possible that a person of seemingly normal intelligence (nowhere does it say he is simple) not have the ability to ask a question- to not react and enquire as to the why of the hustle and bustle around him?

I think this “inability” to ask –“she’aino yodea lishol” has nothing to do with intellect and everything to do with extreme narcissism.

There is something very disturbing and peculiar about his total lack of awareness, or what I feel is his all-encompassing aloofness. How is it that he shows zero interest in his surroundings – a complete unmindfulness to the point that he can’t stir himself to even say, “What’s up?” He is pathologically self-absorbed and detached from what is happening.

This behavior is not so uncommon. For example, an elderly, very frail woman is standing on a crowded bus barely able to maintain her balance and not fall. A young, healthy man sits comfortably in front of her. But he does not “know” how to ask, “Excuse me, Ma’am, would you like to sit down?” because he is egocentric and uncaring. The lady is practically in his face – he can’t miss seeing her and her precarious predicament, but he is oblivious and unconcerned.

As I see it, this apathetic, detached individual is much more problematic and disconcerting than his “off the derech” brother. One can reach out to the lost son and possibly bring him back to the fold. With the patience and perseverance of caring individuals, many kids who have fallen off the path have changed their ways and done teshuvah.

The rebellious, disenfranchised child is still emotionally connected – albeit in a negative way. His question may be derogatory in nature, but it is still dialogue. But the fourth son is what I call totally parve – he has no association, no involvement, no relationship with his surroundings.

I imagine the only person this narcissist is interested in is himself. Any activity or event that does not revolve around him does not concern him in the least. That includes Pesach. Despite the tumult that is part and parcel of the holiday, he expresses no curiosity in what is going on. The house has been turned upside-down and inside-out; an elaborate Seder has been prepared with special foods served in an atypical manner, and he doesn’t make the effort to inquire about any of it. He does not know to ask - she’aino yodea lishol – because he is emotionally not there, nor does he care to be, since the holiday is not about him. If the Seder was a celebration of him – if he were the honoree – I am quite confident that he would ask a lot of questions and be on top of every detail.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Beware The Fourth Son”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Cinema City Iron Man Theater in Jerusalem. (illustrative)
US Govt IDs North Korea in Sony Cyber Terror Attack
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

South-Florida-logo

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

Kupfer-092614-Books

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

Unpleasant happenings are quickly discarded if they do not affect us directly.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.

Make no mistake: in the wrong hands cars are weapons of mass destruction.

Where once divorce in heimische communities was relatively uncommon, nowadays every family has a son, daughter, sibling cousin who is divorced – sometimes twice or even three times!

Many go about the business of living frum, observant lives, but they are only going through the motions.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/on-our-own/beware-the-fourth-son/2013/03/29/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: