Trapped by their concern of what people would think if they gained a pound or two, they pretend that the food is of no interest to them. I personally have no qualms about eating until I am full and enjoying the various dishes and treats. And if I overdo it on the calories, I will balance that out by eating less the next day and working out a little longer.
Recently, while walking with a suitcase on wheels to the train station – a 30-minute stroll from my son’s house – I decided to “interval” walk/run, meaning I varied from walking at my normal pace to speed walking to actually running before returning to walking. I imagine it must have looked odd for a bubby to be dashing down the street dragging a suitcase behind her: Someone actually mentioned to my daughter-in-law that as she drove car pool down the avenue, a lady who looked quite a bit like her mother-in-law was jogging with luggage. I know this because she asked me if in fact it was me – she knew the answer as I am, to the best of my ability, quite “machmir” in getting to and from airports, bus and train stations on my own – either by walking or utilizing public transportation. I hate to bother the kids – they are busy enough as it is.
It is atypical, I must admit – but I did what I felt would benefit me. After all, I was going to be on a train for three hours, why not get some exercise in and calmly arrive at the train station in plenty of time?
I know of bochrim who would love to go to college or learn a trade, but are long-time learners instead because they or their parents are terrified of what people/the community would think if they didn’t take that route. Or parents go into debt to send their daughters to seminary in Israel, because that is what is expected and they don’t in any shape or form want to be viewed as being different.
In a few days many families will spend a fortune on dozens of lavish, elaborate, expensive mishloach manot packages because, if not, what would the neighbors think?
I am pretty confident that the neighbors are wishing they didn’t feel obligated to spend so much on fancy Purim baskets.
Sadly, no one in the crowd will have the courage, like Nachshon when he jumped into the parted Red Sea, to take the initiative and do what he or she is comfortable doing – likely launching a cascade of relief as others begin to admit that this is not what they wanted to do either – but felt compelled to do what they perceived to be societal expectations.
It is sad to live your life stifled by a “what will everyone think” mentality.
It should be okay for a bochur to work – the Torah mandates a man to teach his son a trade. It should be okay for a girl to go to a local seminary – or skip seminary altogether without the baseless fear that doing so will undermine her shidduch prospects. And it should be okay to give a tasteful misloach manot with just two or three items, without being terrified you will be considered “cheap.” Those who will snicker are not deserving of your friendship – so their opinion is worthless! Those who value you will find value in what you do.
Give yourself permission to be yourself – and soar!
