web analytics
September 18, 2014 / 23 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



‘Hey Ma, Es Kimpt Mir’

Kupfer-030113

The other day I was shopping at a large supermarket and happened to go down the frozen foods aisle, past the endless freezers containing every imaginable flavor, shape and size of ice cream. I rarely buy. Rather I am like a tourist in a museum – gawking at wondrous objects that I know I can’t take home with me.

But I do like to glance – in case by some miracle, food technologists have come up with a no-fat, no-sugar, melt-in-your mouth ice-cream that makes your taste buds tingle with joy – but has fewer calories than a leaf of lettuce.

Suddenly, the furious screeching of a boy about three-years old, ensconced in a shopping cart shattered my sweet daydream. His shrieks were directed at his mother, with him demanding, not asking, that she buy a particular ice cream novelty. She said “no” in a rather noncommittal voice and ignored him as she looked around at the various offerings in the freezer. Sensing defeat, he upped the volume and howled even louder for the ice cream he wanted.

I was torn between hurrying out of that section of the store to save my hearing or covering my ears with my hands and sticking around to see the end result of this tug-of war.

This boy was blessed with a set of lungs any self-respecting chazzan would envy, and he kept up his high-pitched whining. His mother still kept her back to him as she rummaged through the freezer.

I marveled that none of the employees came running to see the cause of this explosion. Perhaps then the mother would have been motivated to turn to him and in a very firm voice tell him, “NO, be quiet!” instead of allowing him to disturb the peace.

But she did not do this. What she did do, to my horror, was make a face, take out a six-pack of some kind of ice cream bar- obviously the one her son wanted – and put it in the cart. She then proceeded to share her concern with him that, “Daddy is going to be angry” at her for purchasing this ice cream because it was so expensive. After “explaining” to her toddler why it was not a good idea to make this particular purchase, she then asked him if it was OK if she put the item back.

When he looked at her blankly, she repeated her logical argument regarding the ice cream novelty. It seemed that the adult was trying to reason with the child, explaining why it was not fiscally sound to buy the product and was asking for his consent to allow her to do what she knew was best – and not buy it.

It seemed she believed, or at the very least hoped that a pre-nursery-age child would see the logic of her plea – that buying a less costly substitute would be good for the family’s bottom line and shalom bayis – and consequently the child would change his mind and “permit” her to put the item back in the freezer.

But of course he didn’t. He was a toddler who wanted this particular ice cream. No doubt he had been treated to it several times – perhaps at Bubby’s or an aunt’s, and having become aware of the existence of this wondrous treat, would have no other.

I stood there feeling very, very sorry for her. She was facing a long arduous journey on the road of life- because she was allowing her child to do the navigating.

I debated whether or not I should tell her she was making a tremendous mistake, one that if it was the rule, rather than the rare exception, would come to haunt her in the future.

I wanted to tell her that of course it was less physically and emotionally draining to give in to a child’s tantrum and gain his good will, but that ultimately resorting to “the easy way out” could eventually lead to a “no way out” with an immature, spoiled and socially dysfunctional teenager/young adult, who expected immediate gratification of not only his needs, but his wants.

He would go through life with an emotionally stunting “es kimpt mir” attitude, a crippling sense of entitlement, expecting his whims and demands to be addressed forthwith.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “‘Hey Ma, Es Kimpt Mir’”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Part of the Gush Etzion fence near Jerusalem
Cabinet to Vote Sunday on Cutting Gush Etzion Off from Jerusalem
Latest Sections Stories
A-Night-Out-logo

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

The interpreter was expected to be a talmid chacham himself and be able to also offer explanations and clarifications to the students.

“When Frank does something he does it well and you don’t have to worry about dotting the i’s or crossing the t’s.”

“On Sunday I was at the Kotel with the battalion and we said a prayer of thanks. In Gaza there were so many moments of death that I had to thank God that I’m alive. Only then did I realize how frightening it had been there.”

Neglect, indifference or criticism can break a person’s neshama.

It’s fair to say that we all know or have someone in our family who is divorced.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-080114

Unpleasant happenings are quickly discarded if they do not affect us directly.

Kupfer-071814

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.

Make no mistake: in the wrong hands cars are weapons of mass destruction.

Where once divorce in heimische communities was relatively uncommon, nowadays every family has a son, daughter, sibling cousin who is divorced – sometimes twice or even three times!

Many go about the business of living frum, observant lives, but they are only going through the motions.

Lately I have been hearing quiet grumblings from people who admit that they regret not encouraging their sons to get a post-high school education after a year or two of learning.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/on-our-own/hey-ma-es-kimpt-mir/2013/02/28/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: