web analytics
September 16, 2014 / 21 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Asking For A Fight

Schmutter-110813

This week we deal with Chanukah presents and the kids who probably don’t deserve them:

Dear Mordechai,

My kids fight all the time.  How do I prevent this?

The Ref

Dear Ref,

You can’t.  Kids will always fight.  Until you die.  Then they’ll fight over your stuff.  The only way to stop that is to not actually have any stuff worth fighting over.

“I don’t want his stuff.  You take it!”

Sibling rivalry is nothing new.  Every parsha in Sefer Bereishis has sibling rivalry – there’s Kayin and Hevel, Shem and Cham, Avraham and Lot, Yishmael and Yitzchok, Lavan and Rivka, Yaakov and Eisav, and Leah and Rachel, followed by four parshios about Yosef and his brothers.  So nothing you say or do will ever end this.  Just be happy they’re not selling each other.

Kids will fight about everything.  An experienced parent knows that even if you stop every argument your kids are having, they’re just going to come up with dumber things to argue about.  It’s called picking their battles.  Every morning, when I bring my kids to school, they fight about who’s going to get out of the car first when I pull up in front of the building.  They don’t even like school.  They just want to be first.

Mind you, the car has more than one door.  They can get out on different sides.  But they both want to get out on the same side because no one wants to be the one to close the door.  If they get out of opposite doors, they both have to close them.

A lot of parents would say, “So get a minivan with doors that close by themselves.”  That’s the answer: Spend thousands of dollars so that instead of arguing about this, our kids can find something else to argue about.  It’s like when kids argue about who has to wash the dishes, so you get a dishwasher, and then they argue about who has to empty the dishwasher.  Never mind that emptying the dishwasher is basically equivalent to the job they both WANTED before, when the person who didn’t wash the dishes had to put them away.  And dry them.

The annoying thing is that every morning, I have to wait for the kids to drag themselves out of the house and get into the car.  But when we get to school they’re in such a rush to leave the car first that they spend time arguing and get out of the car much later than they otherwise would.

So to end the fight, I said that whoever gets out of the house first gets to get out of the car first.  Makes sense, right?

So now they argue about who got out of the house first.  I have no idea who got out of the house first, because now they beat me out of the house.  I come into the living room, and they’re gone, out in the front yard, and neither of them has made their lunches, because they each wanted to get out first.  They’re willing to starve all day, just so they won’t have to close a car door.

 

Dear Mordechai,

I normally buy Chanukah presents on Black Friday, but apparently this year, for some reason, Black Friday is on Chanukah.  What do I do?

Shopping

Dear Shopping,

Stall.

I don’t know.  What did the Maccabees do in this situation?  Now we know why it took them a few days to get oil.  But then they got it cheaper, so there.

But I know what you mean.  Black Friday not coming out before Chanukah seems to go against everything the Jewish religion stands for.  Be thankful this will never happen again, firstly because Chanukah will never be this early again – the Jewish calendar in general keeps shifting later and later – but also because Black Friday is getting earlier and earlier and earlier in the year.  Apparently it’s called “Black Friday” because that day, stores are in the black.  This is the one day they pull a profit.  So you’ll excuse them if they want to get to that day earlier and earlier.  But my point is that by the time Chanukah comes out this early again, Black Friday will have made it all the way around the calendar backwards.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Asking For A Fight”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Finance Minister Yair Lapid, chairman of the Yesh Atid party.
Lapid Won’t Let Defense Demands Turn Into ‘Turkish Bazaar’
Latest Sections Stories
Ganz-091214-Fifty

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

Goldberg-091214

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

Women's under-trousers, Uzbekistan, early 20th century

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

Schonfeld-logo1

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

The interpreter was expected to be a talmid chacham himself and be able to also offer explanations and clarifications to the students.

“When Frank does something he does it well and you don’t have to worry about dotting the i’s or crossing the t’s.”

“On Sunday I was at the Kotel with the battalion and we said a prayer of thanks. In Gaza there were so many moments of death that I had to thank God that I’m alive. Only then did I realize how frightening it had been there.”

Neglect, indifference or criticism can break a person’s neshama.

It’s fair to say that we all know or have someone in our family who is divorced.

The assumption of a shared kinship is based on being part of the human race. Life is so much easier to figure out when everyone thinks the same way.

Various other learning opportunities will be offered to the community throughout the year.

The new group will also deliver kosher food to Jewish residents in non-kosher facilities, as well as to kosher facilities where the food is not up to par.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-logo-NEW

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

Schmutter-080814-Socks

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Dear Mordechai,

Someone gave me a gift that I don’t like. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

You Shouldn’t Have

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/asking-for-a-fight/2013/11/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: