web analytics
April 23, 2014 / 23 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Spa 1.2 Combining Modern Living in Traditional Jerusalem

A unique and prestigious residential project in now being built in Mekor Haim Street in Jerusalem.



Im Yirtzeh Hashem By You…


Share Button

Dear Young and Not Pressured:

I am responding to your letter from two weeks ago. I take issue with both your general message and with many of its specifics.

 

The general message you sent is to put your energy and focus into whatever intrigues you, i.e. your career, socialization, etc. And then when your time arrives, your bashert will fall from the Heavens and land at your doorstep. As someone who has successfully found her bashert, is very involved in shidduchim, and considerably older than you, I feel qualified to vehemently object to the aforementioned notion that many young people share. I will explain with a mashal (an example) of sorts.

 

When my favorite store advertises a big sale starting next Monday at 10 a.m., I am standing outside the store at 9:45 to make sure I’m one of the first shoppers. While many people wear my size, I’m not the only one looking for that size. So I arrive early, find myself a real metziah, and leave the store happy.

 

Conversely, those waking up at noon and rolling into the store at 3 p.m. are certainly exercising their right to shop at a convenient time for themselves. But they shouldn’t complain when there’s nothing left in their size because, as the saying goes, the early bird indeed catches the worm.

 

Now to the specifics you mentioned. I also have a career, including graduating summa cum laude from a prestigious masters program. When I completed my schooling, I was already married with two children. While it’s certainly easier to conclude your schooling without major responsibilities and obligations, it can certainly be done. Nobody expects every young, frum girl to follow the exact same timeline, nor is frum society as simpleminded as you portray.

 

Further, I just don’t believe that “people constantly tell me I am old and should get married soon.” While you may have encountered a few (at most) such blatantly rude people, the use of the word “constantly” seems to be rather extreme. This is particularly true, as the population seems to have more and more older singles – and a 21-year-old would hardly merit that sort of reaction.

 

I also want to address the notion that when you are ready, your bashert will arrive. You may pass up your bashert repeatedly while you study, travel, socialize, or do whatever else intrigues you. Heed my advice and grab life by the horns. Don’t sit around waiting for others to bring you your bashert – and thus your future.

 

Your concluding few sentences are indeed correct, however. Do not feel stressed. You should certainly enjoy your life, as you put in reasonable hishtadlus. And certainly have bitachon that your bashert will come at the right time, even if this has yet to happen. Hatzlachah.

Sincerely,

Not so Young, and Hoping to Light a Fire

Letters and/or questions/comments are appreciated, and can be sent to IYH@jewishpress.com or c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11215, Attn: Im Yirtzeh Hashem.

Share Button

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

No Responses to “Im Yirtzeh Hashem By You…”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas. Who will he take to the dance?
It’s Prom Time, and Abbas Must Choose a Dance Partner – Israel or Hamas
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

Regardless of age, parents play an important role in their children’s lives.

Marriage-Relationship-logo

We peel away one layer after the next, our eyes tear up and it becomes harder and harder to see as we get closer to our innermost insecurities and fears.

Gorsky-041814-Torah

Some Mountain Jews believe they are descendents of the Ten Lost Tribes and were exiled to Azerbaijan and Dagestan by Sancheriv.

Baim-041814-Piggy

Yom Tov is about spending time with your family. And while for some families the big once-in-a-lifetime experience is great, for others something low key is the way to go.

A fascinating glimpse into the rich complexity of medieval Jewish life and its contemporary relevance had intriguingly emerged.

Dear Dr. Yael:

My heart is breaking; my husband’s friend has gotten divorced. While this type of situation is always sad, here I do believe it could have been avoided.

The plan’s goal is to provide supportive housing to 200 individuals with disabilities by the year 2020.

Despite being one of the fastest-growing Jewish communities in the U.S. – the estimated Jewish population is 70-80,000 – Las Vegas has long been overlooked by much of the Torah world.

She was followed by the shadows of the Six Million, by the ever so subtle awareness of their vanished presence.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Now all the pain, fear and struggle were over and they were home. Yuli was safe and free, a hero returned to his land and people.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Alternative assessments are an extremely important part of understanding what students know beyond the scope of tests and quizzes.

More Articles from C. S. Yisraeli

Dear Young and Not Pressured: I am responding to your letter from two weeks ago. I take issue with both your general message and with many of its specifics.   The general message you sent is to put your energy and focus into whatever intrigues you, i.e. your career, socialization, etc. And then when your […]

    Latest Poll

    Now that Kerry's "Peace Talks" are apparently over, are you...?







    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/im-yirtzeh-hashem-by-you/2009/05/20/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: