web analytics
February 1, 2015 / 12 Shevat, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Late To The Party

Schmutter-101113

Yom Tov is no longer upon us, for a change, so now it’s time to get to the things we promised we’d do after it was over.

I mean besides dieting.  Maybe we’ll do that after the next Yom Tov.

 

Dear Mordechai,

I’m signing a contract for a wedding hall for my son, and there’s something toward the bottom called “Simchas chosson v’kallah.”  What is that?  Do I have to pay extra money just so the chosson and kallah will be happy?  How will my shelling out extra money make them happy?  Whose side are they on?  And what does the caterer do if you don’t sign that part?  Does he make the wedding depressing?  Does he spark a feud between the in-laws that goes on for generations? 

A.M.

Dear A.M,

Simply put, “Simchas chosson v’kallah” is when you pay to feed people you didn’t invite to the wedding.  One would think that if you didn’t invite them, you don’t have to pay to feed them, but that’s not how it works.  They’re coming anyway.  If you don’t feed them, they’re just going to sit in someone else’s seat when that person gets up to dance.  You get up to go to the bathroom, and there’s a bochur eating your next course.  (“Yeah, you got two glasses.  I’m using this one.  You can have the one the waiter keeps refilling with water.”)

Your prospective son-in-law knows a lot of guys like that.

Mind you, they’re not his closest friends.  He just wants them there for the dancing.  As it turns out, he doesn’t have enough close friends to make a nice big dancing circle, and his other option in a dance crew is the people who are actually invited to the meal, which, to put it nicely, are generally the oldest people he knows.

Basically, if you’re a chosson, there are the people you have to invite, which are the relatives, and there are the people who are actually going to make the dancing lebedik, which is your entire yeshiva.  But you also don’t want to make your in-laws feed your entire yeshiva.  Wedding meals are expensive, and these are basically guys who would cheerfully eat out of the garbage.  But if these guys don’t come, your in-laws won’t be happy, because they’ll suddenly come to the realization that their daughter’s chosson doesn’t have any friends.

So what you do is you send these people an invitation, but you don’t send them a reply card, which is a not-so-subtle way of saying, “Whether you come or not doesn’t affect us one way or the other.”

But if they’re coming to dance, you have to feed them something.  So usually, the caterer charges an extra fee, and puts out kugel and fruit.  Sometimes the kugel is better than whatever they’re serving for the meal.  I’m sitting at the meal with my three small potatoes, jealously looking at the simcha table.  (“Yum.  I wish I hadn’t been invited.”)

But on the contract, they don’t call it “Kugel for people you didn’t care enough to invite” or “Kugel for guys your kid barely knows,” because you’d never pay for it.  There was a reason you didn’t invite them.  So they call it “Simchas chosson v’kallah.”  That way they can say, “You want your kids to be happy, don’t you?”  (“Nah, I don’t need them to be happy.  It’s their wedding.”)

No, it sounds like the most important part.

 

Dear Mordechai,

When would be a good time to take down our sukkah?

Y.K.

Already?  It’s only Cheshvan!

Don’t worry.  It’s totally normal that you didn’t take it down yet.  The only reason we get it put up at all is because there’s a deadline.  There’s no deadline after Sukkos.  In fact, if you wait long enough, you don’t have to take it down at all.

To be totally honest, when a Jewish person builds something, we’re surprised if it hasn’t fallen down on its own accord after a week, tops.  That’s why Sukkos is only seven days, despite the fact that the Jews were in the desert for 40 years.

But maybe you should take it down.  It’s definitely easier to take down than it is to put up.  For one, you have gravity on your side.  And if you think about it, the Jews in the desert took their sukkahs down every time they traveled.  No one was like, “Okay, let’s set up our… Where is it?”  “I think we left it in… What was the last place we stopped?  Sukkos.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Late To The Party”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Handout photo of texted message sent by a fearful Christopher Cramer from Saudi Arabia before his death.
Saudis Hold Body of U.S. Elbit Subcontractor After Mysterious Death in Tabuk
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

The musical production was beautifully performed by the middle school students.

South-Florida-logo

Greige offered a post of her own. She said, “I was very cautious to avoid being in any photo or communication with Miss Israel.” She contends that she was photobombed.

South-Florida-logo

This year, 40 couples were helped. The organization needs the support of the extended Jewish community so that it can continue in its important work.

In the introduction to the first volume, R. Katz discusses the Torah ideal, arguing that the Torah’s laws are intended to craft the perfect man and are not to be regarded as ends unto themselves.

A highlight of the evening was the video produced by the Kleinman Family Holocaust Education Center on the legendary Agudah askan Reb Elimelech (Mike) Tress, a true Jewish hero.

Until recently his films were largely forgotten, but with their release last year on DVD by Re:Voir Video in Paris they are once again available.

Though the CCAR supported the Jewish right to emigrate to Eretz Yisrael, it strenuously objected to defining Palestine as the Jewish homeland.

“Well, you are also part of this class! If someone drills a hole in the boat, the boat will ultimately sink, and even the innocent ones will perish as well. The whole class must be punished!”

Nouril concluded he had no choice: He had to become more observant.

I find his mother to be a difficult person and my nature is to stay away from people like that.

Here are some recipes to make your Chag La’Illanot a festive one.

Does standing under the chuppah signal the end of our dream of romance and beautiful sunsets?

We aren’t at a platform; we are underground, just sitting there.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-M-NEW-logo

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Schmutter-121214

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/late-to-the-party/2013/10/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: