web analytics
October 31, 2014 / 7 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Late To The Party

Schmutter-101113

Yom Tov is no longer upon us, for a change, so now it’s time to get to the things we promised we’d do after it was over.

I mean besides dieting.  Maybe we’ll do that after the next Yom Tov.

 

Dear Mordechai,

I’m signing a contract for a wedding hall for my son, and there’s something toward the bottom called “Simchas chosson v’kallah.”  What is that?  Do I have to pay extra money just so the chosson and kallah will be happy?  How will my shelling out extra money make them happy?  Whose side are they on?  And what does the caterer do if you don’t sign that part?  Does he make the wedding depressing?  Does he spark a feud between the in-laws that goes on for generations? 

A.M.

Dear A.M,

Simply put, “Simchas chosson v’kallah” is when you pay to feed people you didn’t invite to the wedding.  One would think that if you didn’t invite them, you don’t have to pay to feed them, but that’s not how it works.  They’re coming anyway.  If you don’t feed them, they’re just going to sit in someone else’s seat when that person gets up to dance.  You get up to go to the bathroom, and there’s a bochur eating your next course.  (“Yeah, you got two glasses.  I’m using this one.  You can have the one the waiter keeps refilling with water.”)

Your prospective son-in-law knows a lot of guys like that.

Mind you, they’re not his closest friends.  He just wants them there for the dancing.  As it turns out, he doesn’t have enough close friends to make a nice big dancing circle, and his other option in a dance crew is the people who are actually invited to the meal, which, to put it nicely, are generally the oldest people he knows.

Basically, if you’re a chosson, there are the people you have to invite, which are the relatives, and there are the people who are actually going to make the dancing lebedik, which is your entire yeshiva.  But you also don’t want to make your in-laws feed your entire yeshiva.  Wedding meals are expensive, and these are basically guys who would cheerfully eat out of the garbage.  But if these guys don’t come, your in-laws won’t be happy, because they’ll suddenly come to the realization that their daughter’s chosson doesn’t have any friends.

So what you do is you send these people an invitation, but you don’t send them a reply card, which is a not-so-subtle way of saying, “Whether you come or not doesn’t affect us one way or the other.”

But if they’re coming to dance, you have to feed them something.  So usually, the caterer charges an extra fee, and puts out kugel and fruit.  Sometimes the kugel is better than whatever they’re serving for the meal.  I’m sitting at the meal with my three small potatoes, jealously looking at the simcha table.  (“Yum.  I wish I hadn’t been invited.”)

But on the contract, they don’t call it “Kugel for people you didn’t care enough to invite” or “Kugel for guys your kid barely knows,” because you’d never pay for it.  There was a reason you didn’t invite them.  So they call it “Simchas chosson v’kallah.”  That way they can say, “You want your kids to be happy, don’t you?”  (“Nah, I don’t need them to be happy.  It’s their wedding.”)

No, it sounds like the most important part.

 

Dear Mordechai,

When would be a good time to take down our sukkah?

Y.K.

Already?  It’s only Cheshvan!

Don’t worry.  It’s totally normal that you didn’t take it down yet.  The only reason we get it put up at all is because there’s a deadline.  There’s no deadline after Sukkos.  In fact, if you wait long enough, you don’t have to take it down at all.

To be totally honest, when a Jewish person builds something, we’re surprised if it hasn’t fallen down on its own accord after a week, tops.  That’s why Sukkos is only seven days, despite the fact that the Jews were in the desert for 40 years.

But maybe you should take it down.  It’s definitely easier to take down than it is to put up.  For one, you have gravity on your side.  And if you think about it, the Jews in the desert took their sukkahs down every time they traveled.  No one was like, “Okay, let’s set up our… Where is it?”  “I think we left it in… What was the last place we stopped?  Sukkos.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Late To The Party”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Yehudah Glick on the Temple Mount.
Yehuda Glick’s Condition Stabilizing, “He Was Very Lucky” (1:00 PM)
Latest Sections Stories
Collecting-History-logo

Undoubtedly the greatest manifestation of his antipathy was his infamous declaration: “[Expletive] the Jews. They don’t vote for us anyway.”

West-Coast-logo

Chaplain Winkler along with the other OJCB chaplains work tirelessly on a daily basis to ensure that all of the Jewish prisoners religious needs are met.

Eller-103114-Busy-In-Brooklyn

“I work around the Jewish calendar, always trying to think of creative spins,” noted Chani.

“Without a high school diploma, you couldn’t work as a garbage collector in New York City; you couldn’t join the Air Force. Yet a quarter of our kids still walked out of high school and never came back.”
– Amanda Ridley

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

The Polin Museum of the History of Polish Jews is designed to tell the whole thousand-year story of the Jews in Poland.

This past summer was a powerful one for the Jewish people. I will always remember where I was on June 12th when I found out that Gilad, Eyal and Naftali were kidnapped. I will always remember the look on my sister’s face on June 30th when she told me that they were found. I will […]

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-101014-Decorations

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Schmutter-logo-NEW

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/late-to-the-party/2013/10/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: