web analytics
August 28, 2014 / 2 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Picking Up The Pieces

Round hand-made 
"shmurah matzah" is becoming more popular even among secular Jews in the United States.

Round hand-made "shmurah matzah" is becoming more popular even among secular Jews in the United States.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression).  It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free!  Matzah in bed!

(NOTE: Matzah makes more crumbs than anything, chometz included.  And they hurt.)

But Pesach is not just about lying in bed and eating.  I get all these questions that I have to answer.  Pesach more than ever.  Some questions aren’t even officially sent in.  Some of them, people just come up and ask me.

 

Hey, Mordechai,

What’s the weather supposed to be like on Pesach?

Snow Joke

Dear Snow,

What’s it supposed to be like?!  It’s supposed to be springy.

(And by “springy,” I mean, “Set out for a Chol HaMoed trip in a winter coat, and then have to drag it around all day over your arm.”)

But I don’t care about the weather on Pesach itself, even though it affects Shefoch Chamascha, especially when it’s windy, and you open the door and it slams into you, getting even more wine on your kittel than usual.  It’s like Eliyahu HaNavi is in a rush.

But no.  I care about what the weather is going to be like on erev Pesach.

I say this because I have a minhag to eat breakfast outside on erev Pesach, apparently, sitting on the stairs to my porch.  And last year, erev Pesach was in middle of the winter.  I saw snowflakes.

So I was sitting on the stairs with my kids, eating cereal in mittens, when all of a sudden, the wind caught our open box of Cheerios and blew it off the porch and onto the driveway, raining Cheerios everywhere.  And there was no way that animals were going to come and eat all of that within the hour before z’man biur chometz.  Especially in the snow, and especially with all of us sitting out there and watching our milk freeze over.  And especially since most of the animals in our yard are nocturnal.

So I got a broom and started sweeping the driveway.  I’m insane, right?  Who sweeps their driveway?  It was also garbage day, so I was trying to get this done before the trucks showed up.  So I swept the driveway until I had an overfull dustpan of Cheerios and rocks, and then I poured it into a garbage bag.  And as I was doing that, the wind came along, again, and even though I managed to hold onto the dustpan, a lot of the rocks and dust blew it into my wife’s cereal just as she was about to take her first bite.

So my point is that I’m done with cold erev Pesachs.  This is why the Torah very clearly says “Spring.”  I think, arguably, we should have had 3 or 4 Adars this year, just to be safe.

 

 

Dear Mordechai,

I would like to make the Seder more interesting for my kids.  What do you think of getting props for the makkos?

Just for the Kids

Dear Just,

A lot of articles I’ve read recommend buying props for the makkos as a way of making the Seder “more fun.”  For example, you can buy something called a “Bag of Plagues,” which does not sound like something you would ever want to buy, unless you know the context.  You can also buy “10 Plagues Masks,” so you can pretend to be the various makkos, such as a dead cow.  There are also various puppet sets you can get, though it’s hard to find one with a “Choshech” puppet that is not vaguely racist.

But these people forget that the makkos are like two lines in the middle of Maggid.  Or, if you have a picture hagaddah, ten pages that you have to turn really quickly with wine on your pinky.  Meanwhile, you’re trying not to get wine on your ten finger puppets, you’re constantly switching masks, and your teenager is yelling, “Wait!  I have a vort on Dever!”  Using toys for the makkos will actually make Maggid take longer, and your kids want to get to Shulchan Orech already so they can go play in the living room.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “Picking Up The Pieces”

  1. Why do you talk about Jesus on a Jewish page? That’s *your* Bible, not ours. A person repents for their own sins. That’s teshuvah.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Hamas terror chief Ismail Haniyeh waves to Hamas supporters during a Hamas rally in  Gaza City, August 27, 2014.
Hamas’s Ismail Haniyeh Hospitalized
Latest Sections Stories
Itzhak Perlman and Cantor Yitzchak Meir Helfgot together in concert.

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

Mordechai-082214-Armoire

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

Einhorn-082214-Water

Stroll through formal gardens, ride mountain bikes, or go rock climbing.

As they fall upon us we go
To the WALL.

One minute you’re shaving shwarma off a pit, then the shwarma guy tells you he read a (fake) WhatsApp that the boys are dead.

I probe a little deeper and Shula takes me into the world of phantom pains and prosthetic limbs.

This went on until she had immersed eighty times, and then Hashem at last took pity upon her.

Because Menachem lives in Israel, he can feel the ruach in the air.

Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.

Leon experienced the War of Independence from a soldier’s perspective, while remaining true to his Jewish ideals and beliefs.

Chabad of Arizona centers recently hosted an evening of remembrance to mark the 20th yahrzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-080814-Socks

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Schmutter-071114-Man

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Dear Mordechai,

Someone gave me a gift that I don’t like. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

You Shouldn’t Have

This week we deal with questions from people who, one way or another, are on their own. And as usual, we don’t really help them.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/picking-up-the-pieces/2014/04/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: