web analytics
April 16, 2014 / 16 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Spa 1.2 Combining Modern Living in Traditional Jerusalem

A unique and prestigious residential project in now being built in Mekor Haim Street in Jerusalem.



Shavuos-Related

Schmutter-051013

Share Button

Welcome back to “You’re Asking Me?” where we attempt to answer questions sent in by people who fortunately have fake names, so they won’t be embarrassed. I don’t know how they got through school, though.

Dear Mordechai,

My husband has no idea what he’s doing when he’s buying flowers. What do I do about that?

Shoshana Bloom

Dear Shoshana,

Buy them yourself. I don’t know who came up with the idea that flowers are the kind of thing a person can’t buy for themselves. It’s not like pouring wine on Pesach.

I don’t mean to be insensitive here. It’s one thing if it’s your anniversary, or if he’s sorry. Or both. But for Shavuos? It’s flowers! Who cares who buys them?

Guys don’t think in terms of flowers. I once actually bought flowers for my wife on her birthday, which is on Pesach, and I was all proud of myself until she told me that we don’t actually have any Pesach vases. It hadn’t even occurred to me that we’d need a vase. So I had to go out and buy one, even though I’d already bought her something.

The way I see it, buying flowers is like buying fruit. You buy fruit, and if you don’t eat it right away, by the time you remember you have it, it’s gone bad. With flowers, there’s no good time you can eat it. All you do is wait for it to go bad. I’d rather get her a bowl of fruit.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for when I’m buying flowers. The only difference between bouquets, as far as I can see, is the price tag. So I usually buy the cheaper ones. That way I can buy two, and get more flowers for the same price. I feel like if I buy the more expensive one, the only way to make that worth the money is if she knows it’s the more expensive one. It’s not like the more expensive ones do something the cheaper ones don’t. So I have to make it a point to mention to her that it was the more expensive one. That’s classy.

So trust me, even if he buys you flowers and you replace them with an entirely different bouquet that does not look anything like the one he bought you, he won’t notice. He’ll just assume that anything that seems different is something you did when you took them into the kitchen and cut off the bottoms.

I’m not saying guys are insensitive, though. While you’re fretting about flowers, he’s probably out getting you some nice cheese.

Dear Mordechai,

I’m looking for a good dvar Torah to say at the Yom Tov meal. Something Shavuos-related.

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

I hear you. Your wife especially wants you to say a vort at the meal. It’s the least you can do after making her buy her own flowers.

She figures that you had all night, the least you could have done is come up with a dvar Torah. As if: A. you remember anything you learned at 4 in the morning, and B. everything you learn can be broken into neat 2-minute chunks that you can say at the table, out of context, to your wife and kids.

“So is everyone here familiar with Eruvin? Good.”

Not everything can be wrapped into a neat little bow with a question and an answer that takes something you already knew and puts a new spin on it that changes everything.

I don’t have a vort. I just woke up. To the kids saying, “Mommy says that if you don’t get up, she’s making kiddush herself.”

And it’s not like you spent all night saying, “Listen, I need a vort.” You actually spent all night saying, “Listen, I’m a month behind on the daf. It’s now or never.” Because Shavuos night is infinitely long, and you’re infinitely awake for it.

But here’s a news flash: All divrei Torah are Shavuos related. Hope that helps.

Dear Mordechai,

I want to buy more than one type of fancy cheese for Shavuos, but I don’t know how to request it at my store’s cheese counter. What’s the plural of “cheese”? I thought I knew, but the word I have in mind can very easily be misheard as a totally different word that is frankly, highly inappropriate to Shavuos. What do I do?

Share Button

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

No Responses to “Shavuos-Related”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Israeli soldiers closed off the area near where a terror attack occurred  near Hevron on Passover eve, in search of the terrorists.
Netanyahu: PA Incitement Caused Pre-Passover Terror Attack
Latest Sections Stories
Tali Hill, a beneficiary of the Max Factor Family Foundation.

The plan’s goal is to provide supportive housing to 200 individuals with disabilities by the year 2020.

Yeshiva Day School of Las Vegas’s deans, Rabbi Moshe Katz and Rabbi Zev Goldman, present award to Educator of the Year, Rabbi Michoel Paris.

Despite being one of the fastest-growing Jewish communities in the U.S. – the estimated Jewish population is 70-80,000 – Las Vegas has long been overlooked by much of the Torah world.

She was followed by the shadows of the Six Million, by the ever so subtle awareness of their vanished presence.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Now all the pain, fear and struggle were over and they were home. Yuli was safe and free, a hero returned to his land and people.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Alternative assessments are an extremely important part of understanding what students know beyond the scope of tests and quizzes.

Your husband seems to have experienced what we have described as the Ambivalent Attachment.

The goal of the crusade is to demonize and hurt Israel.

The JUMP program at Hebrew Academy was generously sponsored by Evelyn and Dr. Shmuel Katz.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Round hand-made 
"shmurah matzah" is becoming more popular even among secular Jews in the United States.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Schmutter-031414

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Dear Mordechai,

Someone gave me a gift that I don’t like. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

You Shouldn’t Have

This week we deal with questions from people who, one way or another, are on their own. And as usual, we don’t really help them.

Dear Mordechai,

What is the origin of the custom to eat Seudah Shlishis in shul?

Mizmor L’David

This week we deal with Chanukah presents and the kids who probably don’t deserve them:

Yom Tov is no longer upon us, for a change, so now it’s time to get to the things we promised we’d do after it was over.

I mean besides dieting. Maybe we’ll do that after the next Yom Tov.

If you’re looking to get away from the irritations of technology and people in your way, the best place to go is Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

    Latest Poll

    Now that Kerry's "Peace Talks" are apparently over, are you...?







    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/shavuos-related/2013/05/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: