web analytics
March 29, 2015 / 9 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Shavuos-Related

Schmutter-051013

Still Deciding

Dear Still,

Actually, it’s possible that “cheese” is already plural. No one ever says, “I want a cheese,” they say, “I want some cheese.” So from what I can tell, the singular form of “cheese” is “chee”. Which is actually spelled “qi”, and is a Chinese term meaning “the driving force of any living thing,” which perfectly describes cheese. It’s also a great word for “Words with Friends.”

More likely, though, if you can’t say “one cheese,” you’re not supposed to say “two cheeses” either. Grammatically, it’s probably a non-count noun. So if you want to request it, you’re best off adding words you can pluralize, as in: “I’d like two things of cheese, please… Two bricks… Some curdled… You know what? Just give me all your cheese.”

Or you can just get non-fancy cheese from the fridge display, where you don’t have to ask anybody. That’s what most of us do.

Dear Mordechai,

Is there a good book you can recommend for Shavuos? I’ve already finished the Torah.

J.K.

Dear J.,

Actually, I do. My fourth book is coming out this week. Because I apparently have so much knowledge that it’s just spilling out into books at this point.

The book is called “Cholent Mix,” because it’s basically a whole cholent of articles. And, like cholent, it’s good any day of the week, it makes you feel happy but tired, and it’s probably not so good for you.

The title also lends itself to a great practical joke: Every time your wife tells you to buy cholent mix from the store, buy a copy of my book. I don’t know if she’ll appreciate the joke, but I will. You should probably also buy flowers, though, just in case.

Anyway, the book is out just in time for Shavuos, for all the people who are saying, “I need something to do; my husband is going to be asleep for 3 days.” And for all you men out there, I will say – and I’m sure rabbonim would back me up on this – that reading my book is just like sleeping.

You might need more than one copy, though. So, um, “Don’t forget to pick up cholent mix”, if you catch my drift.

Got a question for “You’re Asking Me?” Send it in. I’ve got all night.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Shavuos-Related”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Child looks on as Houti rebels' truck passes with weapons.
Houthis Copy Hamas Tactics and Use Civilian Shields to Hit Saudi Planes
Latest Sections Stories
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?

book-To-Fill-The-Sky-With-Stars

The connection between what I experienced as a high school teenager and the adult I am today did not come easy to me.

Respler-032715

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

South-Florida-logo

Jack was awarded a blue and gold first-place trophy, appropriately topped off with a golden bee.

Participating in ManiCures during the school day may feel like a break from learning, but the intended message to the students was loud and clear. Learning and chesed come in all forms, and can be fun.

Building campaign chairman Jack Gluck has led the effort over many years.

When using an extension cord always make sure to use the correct rated extension cord.

There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset.

Szold was among the founders and leaders (she served on its executive committee) of Ichud (“Unity”), a political group that campaigned against the creation of an independent, sovereign Jewish state in Eretz Yisrael.

My friend is a strong and capable Jewish woman, but she acted with a passivity that seemed out of character.

“If you don’t stand straight, you’ll never get a husband.”

First, sit down with your helpers and a pen and paper and break the jobs down into small parts.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-031315

So generally, I dance for a few minutes and then stand off to the side with all the other people who don’t dance and feel like they have to make conversation, even though that’s when the music is the loudest.

Schmutter-021315

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/shavuos-related/2013/05/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: