web analytics
February 27, 2015 / 8 Adar , 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Shavuos-Related

Schmutter-051013

Still Deciding

Dear Still,

Actually, it’s possible that “cheese” is already plural. No one ever says, “I want a cheese,” they say, “I want some cheese.” So from what I can tell, the singular form of “cheese” is “chee”. Which is actually spelled “qi”, and is a Chinese term meaning “the driving force of any living thing,” which perfectly describes cheese. It’s also a great word for “Words with Friends.”

More likely, though, if you can’t say “one cheese,” you’re not supposed to say “two cheeses” either. Grammatically, it’s probably a non-count noun. So if you want to request it, you’re best off adding words you can pluralize, as in: “I’d like two things of cheese, please… Two bricks… Some curdled… You know what? Just give me all your cheese.”

Or you can just get non-fancy cheese from the fridge display, where you don’t have to ask anybody. That’s what most of us do.

Dear Mordechai,

Is there a good book you can recommend for Shavuos? I’ve already finished the Torah.

J.K.

Dear J.,

Actually, I do. My fourth book is coming out this week. Because I apparently have so much knowledge that it’s just spilling out into books at this point.

The book is called “Cholent Mix,” because it’s basically a whole cholent of articles. And, like cholent, it’s good any day of the week, it makes you feel happy but tired, and it’s probably not so good for you.

The title also lends itself to a great practical joke: Every time your wife tells you to buy cholent mix from the store, buy a copy of my book. I don’t know if she’ll appreciate the joke, but I will. You should probably also buy flowers, though, just in case.

Anyway, the book is out just in time for Shavuos, for all the people who are saying, “I need something to do; my husband is going to be asleep for 3 days.” And for all you men out there, I will say – and I’m sure rabbonim would back me up on this – that reading my book is just like sleeping.

You might need more than one copy, though. So, um, “Don’t forget to pick up cholent mix”, if you catch my drift.

Got a question for “You’re Asking Me?” Send it in. I’ve got all night.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Shavuos-Related”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Netanyahu in a previous address to Congress-
ABCD – Applaud Bibi’s Congress Decision
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

Jews, wake up! Stop educating the world and start educating yourselves.

Hebrew Academy students learn the ABC’s of safety during Hebrew Academy’s recent Safety Kid Program.

The lessons conform to the sensitivities and needs of the Orthodox community…

Women learn in honor of first yahrzeit of Rebbetzin Chasia Kudan, a”h.

The program took on special significance as it marked not only the first anniversary of Rebbetzin Kudan’s levayah but also the 27th yahrzeit of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson, a”h.

It captures the love of the Jewish soul as only Shlomo Hamelech could portray it – and as only Rabbi Miller could explain it.

Erudite and academic, drawing from ancient and modern sources, the book can be discussed at the Shabbos table as well as in kollel.

I’m here to sit next to you and help you through this Purim with three almost-too-easy mishloach manot ideas, all made with cost-conscious paper bags.

Kids want to be like their friends, and they want to give and get “normal” mishloach manos stocked with store-bought treats.

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

“OMG, it’s so cute, you’re so cute, everything is so cute.”

A program that started with a handful of volunteers has grown exponentially to include students from a wider array of backgrounds.

Tutor. Counselor. The doctor too,
Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with you.

Recently, due to age and wear, programming and NCSY events were moved into portable units outside the youth building.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-021315

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Schmutter-M-NEW-logo

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/shavuos-related/2013/05/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: