web analytics
September 20, 2014 / 25 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Talking Small


Schmutter-080814-Socks

Dear Mordechai,

Can you explain why most online shopping websites give the option to show results in “descending” order of price, with the highest price displayed first? Are there people going online with the intention of buying the most expensive product they can find?!

T. Sulzbacher, England

 

They’re for people who are putting together wedding gift registries.

If they’re paying $75 for you to eat a piece of chicken, you’re not getting them the $5 oven mitts; you’re getting them the $200 ones that glow in the dark. Or are at least flame retardant, because that comes up a lot, especially with newlywed cooking.

But be careful, because if you start from the high end of the site, the list starts with totally irrelevant items that were stuck in for some reason. For example, if you type “oven mitts” into Amazon, the very first listing will let you know that for $300 you can get a pair that also comes with an outdoor pizza oven. Because sometimes you want to make pizza, but you’ve been locked out of the house.

(The second most expensive thing listed is a box of fly control for horses. No idea how that ended up in “oven mitts.”)

But there are a lot of ways to sort your results. For instance, you can also sort by relevance. I don’t know, I want all of them to be relevant. I’m not here to browse unrelated items. If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40. Also, for some reason, you can sort by “most relevant to least relevant,” but you can’t sort by “least relevant to most relevant.”

 

 

Schmutter-080814-PuppetsDear Mordechai,

I did a lot of laundry after Tisha B’Av, and there is not a single complete pair of socks in there. Where did they all go?

Please respond soon. I have nothing left to wear.

CS, Boston

 

A lot of comedians talk about this, because it’s funny to them, apparently. But it’s ridiculous. Not only are you missing socks, but you also have socks appear that you’ve never seen before. No one in your family thinks it’s theirs. Like you end up with an orange baby sock. You don’t even have any babies.

Why socks? And don’t say it’s because they’re small, because I keep finding doll clothes in the laundry, and those are smaller. So why socks? You don’t lose shirts in the laundry, do you?

Well, actually, I think I do. And where do all these doll shirts keep coming from?

There are a lot of theories, though. For example, your sock may have dissolved, especially if it had enough holes. Where do you think dryer lint comes from? You think you’re walking around with that much lint on your clothes?

Maybe you should get into the mind of a sock. Think about it: If you were a sock, what would you do? Probably, you’d want to escape. You spend all your time on smelly feet, trapped inside shoes, and this is your chance. You’re small, you figure no one will notice you’re missing.

Not that the sock thinks it through. Have you ever seen a lone sock in middle of the road? That’s as far as it got.

There are scientific answers too, such as static. Especially if you’ve washed a duvet cover. All the socks are probably in there. They also end up stuck to the back of your pants at important business meetings, and occasionally a Shabbos guest will dry his hands before a meal and come away from the sink with a sock that was attached to a towel. And then there’s awkward silence. Because everyone washed.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Talking Small”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Protest rally against Metropolitan Opera staging Death of Klinghoffer on 9/22 at 4:30 pm at the Met.
For Grass Roots Klinghoffer Protest 9/22, Jewish Establishment MIA
Latest Sections Stories

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Baim-092614-Plate

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-logo-NEW

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

Schmutter-080814-Socks

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Dear Mordechai,

Someone gave me a gift that I don’t like. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

You Shouldn’t Have

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/talking-small/2014/08/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: