web analytics
December 20, 2014 / 28 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



What’s His Problem?

Schmutter-050914

And no, I don’t expect you to stay there on the floor of the dais until the Wednesday preceding the second Friday of the month, waiting for me to get back to you about what you should do. But my answer is like when you have an argument with someone, and then the next week, in the shower, you suddenly think of ten things you should have said.

That’s me. I make jokes to help you get over the disaster.

But you don’t have to wait for disaster to strike. You can also ask me about basic facts, or even random observations that you’ve had, like, “How come when my wife asks me to remind her of something and we both forget, it’s my fault, but when I ask her to remind me of something and we both forget, it’s also my fault?”

There’s no answer to that question, but that’s my problem, not yours.

And speaking of writing in,

 

Dear Readers,

What should I call my upcoming book?

So I’ve just been informed by my publisher that my next book is coming out this fall, Jewish Time, and the deadline for it is June. So I’d better start working on it.

Luckily, it’s mostly going to be a collection of articles that have appeared here, or in Hamodia, or on Aish.com. It will also include some additional material, provided I can think of any.

The question is, what should the book be called? I can’t just call it, “Another (Expletive) Collection of Mordechai Schmutter Articles,” can I? Also, what should we put on the cover?

So in the past, I’ve reached out to my readers, asking them to think of a title, with a free book going to whoever sent in the one I’d eventually use. And I got an enormous number of responses, probably because I offered a prize.

But this time, it happens to be that I already have a working title that I might go with. Someone sent it in for the last book (Cholent Mix) after I’d already settled on a title (Cholent Mix, pay attention). The title that she sent was “Jewish Time,” named after the time period in which most of my articles are submitted, all of my books come out, and most of our simchas begin.

But even if I go with this title, I need people to help me come up with a title for my next book, so that it could maybe come out when I first announce that it will, because to have the book after Jewish Time comes out in Jewish time will just be confusing to everyone.

And of course, anyone who sends in a title that I end up using gets a free copy of… Well, we don’t have a name yet. That’s kind of the point.

And in the meantime, I’m also looking for some other ideas for Jewish Time. An idea for the cover picture, for example. What would be a good cover for a book called Jewish Time that would convey the idea of the title, but also show that it’s a book of humorous articles and not a book about fitting Mincha into your workday?

“Okay, conference call is over. It’s Jewish Time!”

I’m also looking to put in some Jewish-time related bonus material. Do you have any funny stories involving instances of Jewish time that I can make fun of, possibly not using your real name, especially if it involves your wife? Or husband.

Everyone who writes in with an idea that I use will be entered into a raffle to win a free copy of Jewish Time, assuming we call it Jewish Time. I’m still waiting for the publisher to approve that title.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “What’s His Problem?”

  1. Mark Ereira says:

    A failed chairman

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Posted to Twitter in Ferguson, MO by St. Louis County Police: "Bricks thrown at police, 2 police cars burned, gun seized by police. Tonight was disappointing."  Their motto is, "To protect and serve."
Prosecutor in Ferguson Case: ‘Witnesses Lied Under Oath’
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-121214

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Schmutter-111414-Bed

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/whats-his-problem/2014/05/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: