web analytics
August 2, 2014 /
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
Sections
Sponsored Post
Ultimate Mission – November 2014

Don’t miss this opportunity to explore Israel off the beaten track, feel the conflict first hand, understand the security issues and politic realities, and have an unforgettable trip!



You’re On Your Own

The real reason people give speeches about names is that:

A. There aren’t really a lot of parshios that talk about brissim, and

B. They want to hammer the name into people’s minds so they remember when they come home and their spouse asks, “So what’s the name?”  People always ask you when you come home: “What’s the baby’s name?”  “Do you know their other kids’ names?  Are you making a list?”  They just want to make sure you were really at the bris.  It’s like when you’re a kid and you’re late to school, and you say you had a bris, but the Rebbe doesn’t believe you, so he goes, “Oh, yeah?  What’s the name?”

“I don’t remember.  Bagel?”

 

Dear Mordechai,

My medical insurance just changed, for reasons I don’t care to discuss.  Do you have any good recommendations for doctors?

Shut Down

Dear Shut,

Not really.  I just found out this week that my doctor was niftar.

I’m not kidding.  It’s a very awkward thing to find out.  I don’t know what to do now.  I’m like, “So should I keep doing what he told me to do, or is everything I know a lie?”  I’m going to be the guy at the shiva going, “Yeah, but did he say anything about what I should do?  Any dying words?  ‘Tell Mordechai he should…’ dead.”

You always assume your doctor’s going to outlive you.  Who am I going to go to for my annual checkup every 3-4 years?

It’s really not funny.  He was a nice guy.  Every time he saw me, he asked how I was feeling, how I was doing, and if I could turn my head and cough.  (I always could.)  But I never once asked him any of these things.  And if I did, out of habit, it was just to make conversation.  I definitely didn’t take notes.

But my point was that he knew all the tricks to stay healthy, and he still died.

Of course, just because he died doesn’t mean he wasn’t a good doctor.  Everyone goes eventually.  Doctors are just a stall.  It could even be that his health wasn’t his own department.  Maybe he had his own doctor.

Or maybe not.  A lot of doctors treat themselves.  It’s not like dentists, who really can’t treat themselves.  They need to do it in front of a mirror, while holding that tiny dentist mirror and trying to see what’s going on in the tiny mirror by use of the big mirror, all while operating a drill.  And I assume this is even harder after the laughing gas.

But being your own physician is a lot easier.  In fact, it’s easier than being someone else’s physician, because the hardest part of being a physician, I’d think, is the part where you ask people to describe their pain, using words, and then you have to translate those words into real physical pictures in your medical textbooks while they wait in the little room.  Whereas the hardest part of being your own physician is the part where you put the freezing cold stethoscope in the middle of your back.  While coughing.  That’s pretty awkward.  Especially if your next patient comes in.

But you can’t really worry about things like death, or you’ll never settle on a doctor.  People are very picky when it comes to doctors.  You don’t want a doctor who’s older than you, because he might die before you.  You don’t want a doctor who’s younger than you, because you’re sure that he has no idea what he’s doing.  You were at his bris.  You want a doctor who is actually secretly younger than you, but looks older than you.  Stress will do that to a person.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “You’re On Your Own”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Cleared for Release: 2nd Lt. Hadar Goldin Abducted by Hamas, 2 IDF Soldiers Killed
Latest Sections Stories

For many, contemplating our exile from our homeland is more of an intellectual endeavor than an emotional one.

I encourage all singles and their parents to urge their shadchanim to participate in ShadchanZone.

People definitely had stress one hundred and fifty years ago, but it was a different kind of stress.

It is inspirational to see the average Israeli acting with aplomb and going about daily routines no matter what is happening.

Participants wore blue and white, waved Israeli flags, and carried pro-Israel posters.

To support the Victor Center for Prevention of Jewish Genetic Diseases at Miami Children’s, please call 305-666-2889 or visit www.mchf.org/donate and select the “Victor Center” fund.

The course will be taught once a month for seven consecutive months and is designed for women at all levels of Jewish knowledge.

Like many of his contemporaries, he went through some hard years, but eventually he earned the rewards of his perseverance and integrity.

The president’s message was one of living peacefully in a Jewish and democratic state, Jews of all stripes unified as brothers, with Arabs or citizens of other religions.

What Hashem desires most is that we learn to connect with each other as children in the same family.

“We are living in a Golden Age of Jewish Art, but don’t know it.”

Spending time in a society as different as the Far East, expands a person’s perspective.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Dear Mordechai,

Someone gave me a gift that I don’t like. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

You Shouldn’t Have

This week we deal with questions from people who, one way or another, are on their own. And as usual, we don’t really help them.

Dear Mordechai,

What is the origin of the custom to eat Seudah Shlishis in shul?

Mizmor L’David

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/youre-on-your-own/2014/01/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: