web analytics
December 21, 2014 / 29 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



What is Calling Me?


Twenties-100413-Girl

The rain is falling a bit harder. I look down at my shoes, realizing how inappropriately I am dressed for the Moscow fall. Water is soaking my shoes. I continue on.

It’s eight p.m. on a Monday evening, the drunken youth groups are not out yet, and people are walking, hidden safely underneath their expensive umbrellas. I squint my eyes in the rain and continue on. I eye the surprisingly empty benches. I observe the usually calm lake being disturbed by the angry rain.

I am staring at the Prud, the lake, and all of a sudden, I am forced to stop in my tracks. I am forced to admit to myself, what I hadn’t for so long. Moscow is beautiful, even in the worst season, worst weather. Despite everything, Chistiye Priudi looks absolutely magnificent to me. I almost say Shehechiyanu for experiencing such a novel feeling. I don’t see the angry graffiti on the benches and pavement; I don’t see wild homeless dogs running around, I don’t see the street drowning in used cigarettes.

My thoughts are so confusing! I grew up in a Moscow where the norm was to own a fancy cell phone in second grade, ride on Bentleys, spend free time at the movies, follow the identical European fashion. I am not of the generation that witnessed a shift from Third World country to one of advanced modernization.

I grew up with the privileges of a Western person. But at the same time I always lived the mentality of a third world country. Perhaps, the technological innovations, restaurants and hair salons were as advanced as Paris and Manhattan. But the mindset of the people was always peasant-like. You don’t question Putin, the corrupt Politsiya, the oligarchs or opponents who are imprisoned for longer than their sentences. You live your life and hope no one interferes.  Yet, I look around and realize there has been a change here, while I was studying in the States. There is a difference. This is no longer the Moscow, the amazing city in which I grew up. It has transformed.

The rain is beating down rhythmically, penetrating every part of my body, I don’t feel my toes, but I continue on. I spend my days at the school where I was a student, where my life was dictated by the sounds of the bell, the homework assignments of the physics teacher, the fights between girls in my class. And now I walk through the same corridors as a teacher. The students look up to me and use the respectful term that is used when speaking to a superior. Students ask me, “Where did you just come from?” I proudly answer, “America.” People are impressed. At first suspicious, the snobby girls, in their long Luis Vuitton skirts accept me. I miss Moscow. I laugh at my naiveté of wanting a different childhood.

When I first arrived in the States I tried to integrate as a student from a different school in the neighborhood, rather than a girl from an entirely different culture. But now, I have embraced my differences, and refuse to be intimidated by those who think my upbringing was “weird.” In fact, I miss the familiar walls of school. This is my home, my Rodina, why do I always shy away from it? But at the same time, I feel something calling me back? Ugh… all these feelings… so overwhelming and confounding! Why do I want to come back? Only four years ago, I was excited about not living in Russia, and now I want to come back? What is calling me?

By now my waterproof sweatshirt is soaking. I am losing feeling in my joints. But I continue on. I am trying to be honest with myself and understand, what is calling me back.

I get it, I feel passionate about the well being, growth and success of the school my mother founded. I get it, after living in America; I miss the old history and lack of entitlement of the people. I miss standing in the Moscow Choral Synagogue, where Golda Meir once stood, davening to God from a building that holds so much Jewish pride and history. But I don’t understand what is calling me here?

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “What is Calling Me?”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Eleven people were injured by a motorist who plowed into a crowd in southern France. The driver yelled "Allahu Akbar" as he attacked. Dec. 21, 2014
French Driver Shouting “Allahu Akbar” Plows into Crowd
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Rachel Goldschmidt
Twenties-100413-Girl

When I was fourteen years old I understood that I might never return to Moscow and live at home with my parents. While I had lived the bulk of my life in Moscow, at the start of high school I was going to assimilate into the American system of education and the world of American teenageism. I was excited.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/teens-twenties/what-is-calling-me/2013/10/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: