Meir Panim’s Tiberias Free Restaurant not only provides warm meals, but the opportunity to socialize as well.
Responses To “The Loss of Femininity”
The response to the articles entitled The Loss of Femininity (July 3, July 10, 2009) has been overwhelming. There were so many women who identified with “Alice” as she felt less and less like a woman, as she was forced to take on traditional male roles in order to care for her husband. So many well spouses wrote to me expressing how they too no longer have the desire to dress up, wear makeup or even care for their health. Care giving has stolen everything from them, and for some even the desire to live. And, like Alice, most well spouses became invisible to family and friends who long ago stopped offering help, seeing these women not as people or women, but just as caregivers.
Thank you again for an article that I intend to share with as many caregivers as I can.
The thing that shocked me the most was that, as a caregiver, I didn’t even see this very obvious question. It took someone who was not a caregiver to point it out to me. I am so used to struggling alone with these things that it didn’t even occur to me that a reasonable person outside the situation might think that someone should offer to help.
“What about being all dressed up in my good clothes and having to take the walker out of the car and helping him into it? (and) driving off after leaving him in the warm building while I parked the car with my jewelry on hoping I don’t get mugged.”
“His family said they’d (visit him) if I make dinner. Great, I’m really in the mood to cook a dinner and then and only then will (they) come.”
“When you wrote in this article ‘some have actually told me that their neglect of their health is their cowardly way of speeding things up’ (meaning their own death) you could have been writing about me. I run to the doctor with him. Myself, on the other hand, forget about it.”
It is my fervent hope that, after reading these reactions, anyone knowing a well spouse will take a second look at them and the lives they lead. Helping them in small ways, seeing them as a person and not just a caregiver can do more than you know. It may even save their lives.
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Welcome to Food Talk, a new feature that will highlight food bloggers, those enterprising souls who always seem to come up with something new, creative and most importantly, delicious. If you are anything like me, many of the recipes you make are the ones that magically show up in your inbox one morning and if you get lucky, these new dishes fast become family favorites.
The wind whistled outside my house, as the lights flickered but thankfully didn’t turn completely off. Being in this situation reminded me of the terrible week and a half in late October when my family and community lost all electrical power due to Superstorm Sandy.
“Nechama Gitty Shapiro is leaving,” said the secretary, poking her head into the classroom. My classmates all turned towards me and whispered, “Where are you going?”
It is a rare season indeed when two major auction houses show not only resplendent offerings of Judaica, but also multiple examples of highly unusual and rare Jewish-themed fine art. That is indeed the case now both at Sotheby’s December 19th auction and the Bonhams recent December 10th auction.
The necessity of speaking up when you “have a hunch” applies even more when it comes to shidduchim. One little girl did just that – she said something – and I was fortunate enough to be in town for the very joyful, lively wedding that resulted from her speaking up.
Everything with my wife is an issue. If one of our young children spills something or accidentally breaks something, she screams uncontrollably. She is always angry and moody, which terrifies the children. I try to act lovingly toward her, but after an outburst she will often find a reason to blame me for what happened.
Lately, there has been a lot of talk the “spectrum” rather than autism specifically. In order to elucidate what is meant by the spectrum, I have put together a short guide to the different categories that fall under the term.
often find myself telling clients, “There is no such thing as emotions!” Then I wait for their reactions. My hope is that the client will challenge me, as obviously we all experience emotions. It’s the way we are wired.
Separation anxiety disorder is a condition in which a child becomes fearful and nervous when away from home or separated from a loved one – usually a parent or other caregiver – to whom the child is attached.
Mandela remained loyal to the rogue leaders and regimes that backed him through the many years he’d been imprisoned: Cuba’s Castro, Libya’s Khaddafi and the PLO’s Arafat.
Hebrew Academy (RASG) has announced that Ron Dermer, Israel’s ambassador to the United States, will be the keynote speaker at the Hebrew Academy Annual Event.
Chai Lifeline Southeast’s first venture into the art world, “Through the Eyes of Our Children,” an exhibit and sale at Gallery Art in Aventura, was part of the organization’s Chai Crafts program, an innovative art therapy endeavor sponsored by the Root Foundation.
This year was memorable for the energy of all the participants who, along with Avraham Fried and the members of his orchestra and the YBO Band, joyously sang and danced in the rain. Fried performed with chassidishe warmth and humor. The night was so meaningful and so mesmerizing, the audience didn’t want it to end.
The Preserve at Palm-Aire, a local senior living community, recently donated more than 180 eco-friendly, sturdy and reusable tote bags to the Broward County Jewish Family Services (JFS).
When one is blind one learns to use Braille to read. When one cannot walk, a wheelchair gives mobility. Sign language allows a mute person to speak and ocular implants assist in hearing when one is deaf. These are all compensatory strategies that help a person function despite his disability. But compensatory strategies are not just for physical problems. Understanding our psychological weaknesses and setting up our lives to ensure that we are not tempted to repeat our past mistakes, is as necessary as any aid to the disabled.
Well spouses have often discovered that their friends and relatives, despite their closeness to the situation, often don’t realize the tremendous emotional impact living with chronic illness has on the family. With the best intentions, suggestions, ideas and criticism are offered, based on the non-experience of those with healthy families. Even when the good intentioned get a taste of the difficulties, it is sometimes not enough for them to then identify and understand what the family of the chronically ill must face on a constant basis.
Over the past two weeks I have shared letters from a therapist and a well spouse. Both of the letters gave personal insights into the process of losing hope, how we react when that happens and some ways of coping when test scores, diagnosis and just simple repetitive behavior indicate that change for the better is impossible.
I’ve read your last few articles on psycho-neurological testing (Oct.8-22) with interest. As a therapist who has counseled couples dealing with chronic illness, I’d like to give you another perspective.
Your articles on the Neuro-Psychological Testing were right on (October 8-22). My husband underwent testing twice and your articles explained it things exactly the way they were. Besides the test, we also tried therapy.
Very often when we can’t face our big hurts or big loses we focus on the little ones. We can discuss those. We can cry over the small loses, be angry at the smaller hurts even though it may look trite and sound ridiculous to others.
Over the last two weeks we have been discussing one way in which well spouses can determine whether behavior displayed by their ill partners is caused by their illness or is a way they have chosen to act. We have focused on Psycho-Neurological testing, what it can tell us, as well as its pros and cons.
Last week I discussed a question that haunts many well spouses: not knowing if the difficult and often inappropriate behavior frequently displayed by their partners are caused by the disease and therefore not-controllable, or if the behavior is a choice the spouse makes and can therefore be changed. This doubt can be the source of much frustration and many marital disagreements. One way of alleviating this doubt is by having a psycho- neurological work up done. But that path is not so simple.
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/we-are-invisible/2009/07/29/
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