web analytics
December 28, 2014 / 6 Tevet, 5775
 
At a Glance

Posts Tagged ‘Groggers’

Tzadik Plastic Surgeon to Shadchanim: Free Nose Job for Your Clients Who Need But Can’t Afford It

Saturday, March 31st, 2012

Board-certified Miami plastic surgeon and Nose Job Specialist Michael Salzhauer surprised me, I had cynically expected something else entirely.

I’ve written about the Groggers, the band he hired to shoot a very funny commercial promoting his business, urging the “Jewcans” among us to alter their schnozes to get the shikse-looking girl. It was so beyond the pale, you had to laugh.

So I thought, Smart businessman, good finger on the pulse of his potential clients, how cool is that.

Then I wrote the article about his trouble with his colleagues at the ASPS on account of that video commercial, and I figured, I suppose you get hurt when you dare push the envelope, so maybe he’s a smart businessman, but maybe too smart for his own good. But it turned out the entire rebuke came from just one other plastic surgeon who took a ride on Salzhauer’s fame using a chronic absence of a sense of humor as a vehicle to get his own 15 minutes of fame. So far, there’s been no ASPS action against Salzhauer.

Then I was reading – because I’m Jewish and I’m addicted to the Jewish Press – the articles and counter articles and many hundreds of comments on the issue of giving your daughter an extra oomph in her search for a good husband, and, if needed, paying for her nose job.

So I started calling Dr. Michael Salzhauer’s office, asking for an interview, and whenever I called he’d be hard at work, turning Jewish noses into Nordic masterpieces (I could have written “Aryan masterpieces,” but then the hate mail would start pouring). We finally managed to talk, and he blew my mind. He forced me—an instinctive objector to vain mutilation for the sake of some notion of exterior beauty—to reconsider my views on this issue.

And he’s not cynical, that was another huge surprise. I walked away convinced he means every word he says.

 

MEET NOSE JOB SPECIALIST DR. MICHAEL SALZHAUER

Nose Job Specialist Michael Salzhauer on NBC's Today Show

Nose Job Specialist Michael Salzhauer on NBC's Today Show

Salzhauer: First of all, I love the Jewish Press, I remember reading it all the time when I was growing up in New York. I’m very pleased with the articles that you guys have written on the Groggers, and before we go into the controversy about the video, I want to tell you an interesting story.

I read Yitta Halberstam’s article (in which she recommended that young women looking for a husband should consider doing a nose job). Gil Student—he and I went to high school together—jokingly posted it on my Facebook page, saying he wonders if  Dr. Salzhauer would pay to have this article published.

I read the article, and I saw that there were like 500 comments. I didn’t read  through all the comments, of course. I read the article, and thought to myself, She’s right on! This is what I see in my daily practice. I see girls that come in with low self esteem, they have surgery, they blossom, and they go on and I see them months, years later, when they’re married and they thank me and it’s gratifying. It’s one of the most gratifying things about my job as a cosmetic surgeon.

So I put in a comment that she’s 100 percent correct.

I’ve been speaking to shadchanim (matchmakers) literally for years, offering my services for free. I say, look, if you have clients that you think would benefit from cosmetic surgery, I won’t charge them. If you refer them to me and you tell me that they’re dating and they’re trying and they don’t have the money for the surgery, please send them to me, I’ll be happy to do it and let’s see if we can’t change people’s lives.

(The average nose job costs between five and ten thousand dollars in Miami. In New York and Los Angeles these operations would cost between eight and twenty thousand – YY)

So I’ve been speaking to shadchanim and they all email me back and say, I think it’s a good idea, we’ll work on it, but no one ever took me up on the offer. I guess because it’s a very difficult conversation for a shadchan to broach with a young woman.

Imagine going to your shadchan and they tell you, I think you need a nose job, or liposuction. A lot of times it’s even congenital things, when one breast is bigger than the other, for instance. It’s a very common issue, but I know that in the frum community it’s more than just stigmatized, as it is in the general population, where, even though it’s very common, people still speak about plastic surgery in hushed whispers. For frum people it’s a taboo.

The Groggers: It Ain’t Your Uncle Moishy’s Rock N’ Roll

Sunday, March 18th, 2012

Modern-Orthodox Jewish comic Heshy Fried aka FrumSatire (last time I saw him was at the Stanton Street shul on the Lower East Side, and he emailed me a while back that he moved to LA) has been a fan of the Groggers for at least two years now, so I’m assigning him the honor of “discovering” them (as in, “Look at all the Groggers over there!”).

Fried wrote in Heeb Magazine that the Groggers were “possibly the first Orthodox Jewish band that doesn’t sound Jewish. (Expletive), even Matisyahu can’t go a few lines without throwing in some biblical verse. And don’t even get me started on the so-called Chabad hip hop movement. I was listening to the new album from The Groggers the other day and for the first time in my life I forgot I was listening to Jewish music. I thought for a second that I was listening to MXPX or New Found Glory. The Groggers are a Modern Orthodox Jewish punk rock band from Queens that sings about young Jewish angst.”

I agree with Heshy completely, and I’m only sorry that he got to them before I did, but that’s the way it is when you’re young and free and living on the West Coast. Yes, I share Heshy Fried’s enthusiasm for precisely the same reasons. So now you have to either go listen to all the Groggers YouTube tunes and then come back and read my conversation with Doug Staiman, the band leader, or read first and go later. Tell you what, I’ll throw in the clips and some lyrics as we proceed, because my mission here is to get you involved with this new phenomenon.

Is it still cool to say “phenomenon”?

Is it still cool to ask if things are “cool”?

The Groggers are a Jewish pop-punk band with a comic twist, based out of NYC, formed in early 2010 by singer/songwriter L.E. Staiman, and musicians Ari Friedman and Chemy Soibelman.

I called Doug Staiman, band leader of The Groggers, in early March, on a day when Israel’s southern towns were under heavy rocket fire. He sounded concerned and asked how I was doing.

The 4 Groggers

The 4 Groggers

Yanover: I’m okay, considering there are rockets flying in the air and alarms sounding… Otherwise things are cool, how are you?

Staiman: Good… What better time for a Groggers interview than during a missile attack…

Yanover: How are you feeling over there about the minor war we’ve been having?

Staiman: I support Israel and everything it does, especially its right to defend itself.

Yanover: Are you anxious?

Staiman: I have a lot of family in Israel. I have a cousin in the army and I have friends in the army. I’m always nervous…

Yanover: I heard about you from the publicist of the plastic surgeon you did that video commercial for. I have to say, I’ve watched three or four of your videos, I just finished watching the “Get” video, you’re definitely with it. I’m saying this even though I’m 57, so as far as I’m concerned, music ended in 1972 when the Beatles broke up…

Staiman: I’ve heard that before…

Yanover: Boomers are not easy to take, I realize that.

Staiman: So I’ve heard…

Yanover: We’re very self centered, so I apologize in advance. But you have social involvement in your art, you have political awareness, you’re frum in a very straight forward, unabashed and at the same time not compulsory way, you’re just you, I really liked it.

Staiman: Thank you, I really appreciate that.

Yanover: How did the whole thing begin?

Staiman: The band started when I moved to New York about four years ago—I’m 24—and I knew another friend’s band that was into the modern Jewish music theme, and I started exploring Jewish music a little bit and I had to do it my own way. So I wrote a couple of these slightly controversial, very honest Jewish satirical songs, and I would send out demos to friends. People appreciated them, but I also caught a lot of flack for it and people said it would never go anywhere because it’s too much of a niche and people who don’t understand might be offended by it. So, as a joke I made a video of the song “Get.”

 

You gotta get get get get Give her a get You gotta get get get get Give her a get You gotta get get get get Give her a get Cause she don’t love you no mo’

I think Its time to cut your losses And maybe cut the cord Its time to let her go Cause she seems miserable and bored And your friends think you’re a hero But your kids think you’re a joke And your lawyer won’t return your calls Because he knows you’re broke

You gotta get get get get Give her a get…

Groggers’ Yidvid Nose Job Doc in Trouble with ASPS

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

Miami plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer, decided on an original, innovative, funny and relatively cheap way to reach the potentially bottomless market of nose job enthusiasts – young Jews ages 15-30 – and have fun doing it. So he hired the Groggers, an up and coming Orthodox rock band from Queens, and traded a nose job for their young Depardieu -lookalike leader Doug Staiman in return for the hilarious Jewish video entermercial “Jewcan Sam.” Now the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) wants to lower the boom on the guy.

“Since when are doctors trading services for a music video?” asked Dr. Salzhauer’s publicist Kay Kelly in an email to the Jewish Press, and explained: “This is the new medical landscape where doctors are differentiating themselves to raise awareness of their services. It is positioned to go viral and be a hit with high school students.”

You need another proof the Groggers are HOT?

You need another proof the Groggers are HOT?

“I told him, ‘It’s funny you’re commissioning us to do this, because most of our band members have these massive, deformed noses,’” Staiman told ABC News. “And he generously offered nose jobs to the entire band. But I was the only one who went through with it.”

The Yidvid is a satirical sketch and song depicting the eternal theme of Jew wants blonde – Jews reduces shnoz – Jew gets blonde. It’s absolutely funny, and it helped promote not just the good nose doctor’s business, but also the career of the Groggers, who are just off the charts these days (watch for an exclusive interview with the Jewish Press this coming weekend!).

But it didn’t seem funny, not funny at all, to Dr. Malcolm Roth, president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, who was shocked, just shocked, telling reporters “This is just disturbing that a doctor would play into the frailties of the human condition.”

OMG, talk about giving hypocrisy a bad name…

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, of which Salzhauer is a member, said the video is “offensive and inappropriate.”

The ASPS says it “has initiated an investigation under its Code of Ethics which clearly requires ASPS members to uphold the dignity and honor of the medical profession.”

Please refer to our earlier OMG, why waste good screen space? Just think kettles and frying pans…

Dr. Roth said he could not comment specifically on the investigation (he only initiated it, after all, and paid for the tar and feathers) but, “generally speaking,” if a member of ASPS is found guilt of breaching its Code of Ethics, he or she could be placed on probation, lose their membership, and even lose their board certification.

There’s no end to what you can do if you were born without a sense of humor.

 

Check out the lyrics to The Groggers’ Jewcan Sam

I want her, but she don’t want what I am.
She says you got a beak like Jewcan Sam.
She says I only go with guys,
With perfect upturned noses, so cut yours down to size

And I’ll be everything you wanted
I’ll be everything you need
Watch the passerby’s will flash their eyes
When we walk down the street

And we would live like we were famous
With the stars all in our eyes
And I would love you till forever
If you got your nose circumcised

I want her unconditionally
But she’s got one big condition to be with me
Sometimes I sit and say if only, I looked more like Tom Cruise
And less like Adrien Brody
I’d be less lonely

She said a guy like you and a girl like me
Only happens in the movies
No matter what you do, or how hard you fight
Pinocchio never got Snow White

And I’ll be everything you wanted
I’ll be everything you need
Watch the passerby’s will flash their eyes
When we walk down the street

And we would live like we were famous
We would be forever young
And I would love you till forever
If you just got your nose done

This Sunday we hope to present the Jewish Press’ exclusive interview with Grogger band leader Doug Staiman, who’s just celebrated a Marquis-topping show at the Gramercy theater and a spot on New York’s 102.7 KissFM. Until then, watch the videos, be kind to others, and as to that nose job, for heaven’s sake, ask for a second opinion…

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/news/breaking-news/groggers-yidvid-nose-job-doc-in-trouble-with-asps/2012/03/15/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: