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September 19, 2014 / 24 Elul, 5774
At a Glance

Posts Tagged ‘Nose job’

Gila Manolson: A Response to Yitta Halberstam’s Plea to Mothers of Girls in Shidduchim

Monday, March 26th, 2012

Don’t worry, Yitta, I’m not going to crucify you, as you feared. I actually agreed with the gist of your article, which was obviously heartfelt and well-intended. I just want to point out where you crossed a line, a problem that you unwittingly reinforced, and something crucial that you overlooked—all of which I suspect pressed a lot of people’s buttons.

First of all, a confession that should make my endorsement of your basic idea more meaningful: I’m an unabashed proponent of the “natural look.” I wore (gasp) absolutely no makeup when dating my husband, and not even when I stood under the chuppah with him. (In fact, the only time he has seen me in makeup has been on Purim.) Miraculously, he managed to find me attractive enough to actually marry me. One reason I foreswore makeup (and have, in fact, since age 16) is that I have a distinct allergy to fake things—I dislike makeup for the same reason I dislike plastic plants. The other, more compelling, reason is that I needed to know that, beyond our spiritual connection, my future husband would be attracted to the real, unadorned, physical me.

Having said that, I realize I’m an anomaly, and don’t expect the majority of women to follow my lead. While I’m a big believer in inner beauty and how much it can transform one’s appearance, I’m also a big believer in living in reality, and the reality is that purely physical looks count for a lot in this world. So I will wholeheartedly agree that a girl should make the best of her looks, especially when meeting a prospective mother-in-law (or his son)—including wearing a flattering hairstyle, flattering clothes, and yes, even a tasteful amount of makeup (if she has no ideological objection). And if she needs a total makeover, I’d say go for it.

In principle, then, you could say we see eye to eye. So what bothered me about your article?

First of all, your big blooper, in my opinion, was advocating not only cosmetics but “surgical procedures” to improve a girl’s appearance. For once we start surgically “improving” our appearance, where’s the end? Is cosmetic surgery called for only to “fix” a glaringly unattractive feature (which is all you may have had in mind), or to “upgrade” and “recreate” every possible part of ourselves that doesn’t look like what we see in women’s magazines?

Let me share with you two emails I received from young women approaching shidduchim age. One was from a girl who was seriously distraught about her large, hooked nose and wanted to “fix” it, but worried that this made her “superficial.” I wrote back that if her nose was objectively unattractive and it really bothered her, then I did not believe having a “nose job” made her “superficial,” and she should do it.

But then there was the 17-year-old girl who was unhappy with her small chest and wanted my opinion on whether she should get implants. Here was a girl whose body failed to meet some “ideal” but was probably perfectly lovely in its own way. I told her I knew many small-busted women who’ve gotten married, and that she should work on appreciating her own body’s beauty rather than surgically alter it.

The difference should be clear. Anyone in their right mind would advocate, as did the Satmar rebbe, that a girl who has no teeth should get dentures. But once you get beyond fixing a flagrant physical fault and talk about achieving some purported physical ideal, we’re in dangerous waters.

This blunder contributed to another likely reaction on the part of many readers: the disturbing sense that shidduchim are becoming increasingly unnatural and artificial, and that pressing for more emphasis on externalities is not what we need. Definitely, a girl should put her best foot forward. But when she has to pay a professional makeup artist and hair stylist before each date as if she were going to her sister’s wedding, haven’t we gone way overboard?

Furthermore, as we all know, our appearance affects our feelings and behavior. On the one hand, looking good can make us feel and “behave” good. On the other hand, looking not like our real selves can also make us feel and behave not like our real selves—and it’s pretty important to feel and behave like your real self on a date with a potential marriage partner.

But the biggest mistake you made was overlooking male responsibility in viewing women. Yes, the male brain is hardwired to be visual, meaning that men will always be stuck on looks more than women are. But who’s teaching boys that real, enduring attraction results from a potent mix of looks plus character and personality, and that to see if it can exist, you have to get to know a girl? (I address myself to males on this topic at the end of my book Choosing to Love.)

Purim And The Tyranny Of Beauty: A Plea to Mothers of Girls in Shidduchim

Monday, March 19th, 2012

I know I’m going to be crucified, but if the appeal I make below helps even one girl in shidduchim, then it will be worth all the fury and outrage that shall inevitably descend upon my soon-to-be beleaguered head.

The other night, I was invited to a fascinating new shidduch initiative. Endorsed by leading rabbonim and spearheaded by a few righteous women valiantly trying to transcend the spiraling “shidduch crisis” in some small but meaningful way, the concept was to bring mothers of eligible young men together with young women looking for shidduchim (members of both groups were pre-screened and issued personal and discreet invitations by the organizers) in both a balabatish setting and a dignified way.

Everybody knows that the experiences of boys in shidduchim–in contradistinction to their female counterparts–is vastly different. This is the harsh truth: The mothers of “good boys” are bombarded with shidduch suggestions on a daily basis – a veritable barrage of resumes either flooding their fax machines or pouring out of their e-mail inboxes– while those with similarly “top” daughters sit with pinched faces anxiously waiting for the phone to ring. The disparity is bare, bold-faced and veritably heartbreaking: In the shidduchparsha,” boys are constantly being courted and pursued, while the best girls’ resumes barely elicit a modicum of interest.

As a friend recently told me: “When my nephew was 19 and started shidduchim, he went out with 19-year-old girls. When he turned 20, he still went out with 19-year-old girls. He kept getting older, but the shidduchim that he was “redt” continued to be 19-year-old girls. Now he is 24 and baruch Hashem just got engaged –to a 19-year old girl.” Sadly, women do not have this same recourse.

To rectify this inequity, a few concerned mothers brain stormed together and concluded that “shidduch resumes” (which never even existed as a concept when I was dating 35 years ago) fail to accurately capture the essence of the person being “summed up” and often–especially in the case of the girls– get lost in the shuffle. One organizer told me: “The boys’ mothers barely give the girls’ resumes a passing glance–they are so overwhelmed by the sheer numbers coming their way–and it becomes a daunting task to sift through them. And the resumes themselves are severely limiting. Can you really get a genuine sense of who the girl is from the resume? What does it tell you about her personality, her character, her intellect, her neshoma? It is demeaning to reduce a girl to a few sentences.”

The rationale underlying the new shidduch initiative was this: If eligible girls would be given personal and meaningful “face time” with prospective mother-in-laws, they would be able to present their qualities far more efficaciously than a cold and lifeless curriculum vitae.

Now for my full disclosure: I am the mother (baruch Hashem) of a great boy. He is continuously sought out, “in perpetual demand” (kinehora). I should be grateful that in shidduchim, he “wields the upper hand.” But as a woman who identifies with and feels great compassion for the throngs of girls in a parallel universe who are not being chased, I feel a little sad each time the fax machine cranks out yet another resume for my son. I know full well that there are fantastic girls out there who are his equals–perhaps even his superiors–who are NOT receiving comparable treatment. They are neither being hounded nor pursued half as vigorously as he, and they are denied the latitude of choices that he receives every day. I ache for their mothers who repeatedly call the shadchanim who never call back, but are visibly more responsive if you are the mother of a boy. Inwardly, I rail against the unfairness of it all (although the shadchanim are completely innocent of any wrongdoing, whatsoever; it is the system that is at fault– not they—the stark realities of supply and demand). Thinking of the mothers who do not have the privilege to wade through as many resumes as me, I try consciously not to revel in the continuous stream that cascade over my desk. I know how fortunate my son is, and I feel for those who aren’t.

So, when one of the extraordinary women who organized this event invited me to participate, I was actually reluctant to attend. Quite simply, there was no need. But because I like and respect this woman so much, and wanted to validate her efforts, I RSVP’d “Yes.”

“How are you going to work this?” I asked. “How are you going to ensure that all the girls get equal time? Are they not going to feel degraded? Is this process not going to end up even more demeaning than a resume?”

The organizer assured me that there would be facilitators on site who would introduce each girl to every mother. The facilitator would escort the mother to the tables where the girls sat, and be hyper-vigilant that no girl gets bypassed. I wondered how many girls would feel comfortable with this arrangement and actually show up, but as I said before, I wanted to support my acquaintance’s endeavor with my physical presence, so I went.

‘Nose Job’ El-Balkimy, Egyptian MP, Loses Parliamentary Immunity

Monday, March 19th, 2012

What do you have to do as an Egyptian Member of Parliament to earn the nickname Nose Job? Anwar El-Balkimy, of the Salafist Nour Party (that means he’s sooo religious, he has one regular prayer rug and a special one for yomim tovim), told everybody he had been beaten and robbed of LE100,000 by thugs on 29 February. But according to Al Ahram, it was later discovered that his facial injuries were caused by cosmetic surgery on his nose.

Not a smart move in a deeply Semitic country such as Egypt. So much so that a Parliament’s legislative committee on Sunday approved a move to lift parliamentary immunity from the poor guy.

Are you getting the feeling the Jpress is doing too many of these nose-jobs-going-funny-places lately? Me too, and I write them!

Groggers’ Yidvid Nose Job Doc in Trouble with ASPS

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

Miami plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer, decided on an original, innovative, funny and relatively cheap way to reach the potentially bottomless market of nose job enthusiasts – young Jews ages 15-30 – and have fun doing it. So he hired the Groggers, an up and coming Orthodox rock band from Queens, and traded a nose job for their young Depardieu -lookalike leader Doug Staiman in return for the hilarious Jewish video entermercial “Jewcan Sam.” Now the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) wants to lower the boom on the guy.

“Since when are doctors trading services for a music video?” asked Dr. Salzhauer’s publicist Kay Kelly in an email to the Jewish Press, and explained: “This is the new medical landscape where doctors are differentiating themselves to raise awareness of their services. It is positioned to go viral and be a hit with high school students.”

You need another proof the Groggers are HOT?

You need another proof the Groggers are HOT?

“I told him, ‘It’s funny you’re commissioning us to do this, because most of our band members have these massive, deformed noses,’” Staiman told ABC News. “And he generously offered nose jobs to the entire band. But I was the only one who went through with it.”

The Yidvid is a satirical sketch and song depicting the eternal theme of Jew wants blonde – Jews reduces shnoz – Jew gets blonde. It’s absolutely funny, and it helped promote not just the good nose doctor’s business, but also the career of the Groggers, who are just off the charts these days (watch for an exclusive interview with the Jewish Press this coming weekend!).

But it didn’t seem funny, not funny at all, to Dr. Malcolm Roth, president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, who was shocked, just shocked, telling reporters “This is just disturbing that a doctor would play into the frailties of the human condition.”

OMG, talk about giving hypocrisy a bad name…

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, of which Salzhauer is a member, said the video is “offensive and inappropriate.”

The ASPS says it “has initiated an investigation under its Code of Ethics which clearly requires ASPS members to uphold the dignity and honor of the medical profession.”

Please refer to our earlier OMG, why waste good screen space? Just think kettles and frying pans…

Dr. Roth said he could not comment specifically on the investigation (he only initiated it, after all, and paid for the tar and feathers) but, “generally speaking,” if a member of ASPS is found guilt of breaching its Code of Ethics, he or she could be placed on probation, lose their membership, and even lose their board certification.

There’s no end to what you can do if you were born without a sense of humor.

 

Check out the lyrics to The Groggers’ Jewcan Sam

I want her, but she don’t want what I am.
She says you got a beak like Jewcan Sam.
She says I only go with guys,
With perfect upturned noses, so cut yours down to size

And I’ll be everything you wanted
I’ll be everything you need
Watch the passerby’s will flash their eyes
When we walk down the street

And we would live like we were famous
With the stars all in our eyes
And I would love you till forever
If you got your nose circumcised

I want her unconditionally
But she’s got one big condition to be with me
Sometimes I sit and say if only, I looked more like Tom Cruise
And less like Adrien Brody
I’d be less lonely

She said a guy like you and a girl like me
Only happens in the movies
No matter what you do, or how hard you fight
Pinocchio never got Snow White

And I’ll be everything you wanted
I’ll be everything you need
Watch the passerby’s will flash their eyes
When we walk down the street

And we would live like we were famous
We would be forever young
And I would love you till forever
If you just got your nose done

This Sunday we hope to present the Jewish Press’ exclusive interview with Grogger band leader Doug Staiman, who’s just celebrated a Marquis-topping show at the Gramercy theater and a spot on New York’s 102.7 KissFM. Until then, watch the videos, be kind to others, and as to that nose job, for heaven’s sake, ask for a second opinion…

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/news/breaking-news/groggers-yidvid-nose-job-doc-in-trouble-with-asps/2012/03/15/

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