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When The Absence Of Pain Is Pleasure

There is an old joke that describes a passerby who sees a man repeatedly hitting his head against a wall. Each time his head hits the wall, the man yelps in pain. Concerned, the first man runs up to him and asks why he keeps banging his head when it obviously hurts when he does so. The man answers, "Because it feels so good when I stop."

A Validating Experience (Part IV)

What does it mean to be validated? In what areas of life can one expect to be validated? What attitude, behaviors or actions convey a message (or feeling) to someone that s/he is being validated? How does one validate, or invalidate? What benefits are there to validating and being validated - in the short term as well as long term?

Family Conflicts Are More Prevalent Than You Think

Special Note: It appears that my articles on the pain of a family torn apart touched sensitive nerves. Sadly, too many of our families have become fragmented; too many are suffering from a lack of shalom bayis. The e-mails and letters that I received are all painful testimony to this breakdown of traditional family life. The following is just one of these letters.

In The Grace And Beauty Of The Matriarchs

When I was considering making aliyah, I was aware of how challenging the move might be, especially since much of my family stayed behind in the U.S. But the deep longing to be in Israel was too strong. It was like a giant magnet pulling on my soul, until I finally let go and came home.

The Clock Is Ticking

The other day, while schmoozing with a friend, the conversation (as chats often do) turned to food. My friend talked about a delicious dish she had eaten as a guest during Shavuot. She mentioned how she planned to replicate it in her kitchen, but hadn't gotten around to it yet.

The Loss Of Femininity (Part I)

For most women, care-giving means taking on many of the roles that were routinely filled by their husbands, in addition to those things they were already responsible for. For many of these women, this has been hard to deal with. Not just because of the difficult physical nature of these new, additional roles, or even the tremendous emotional burden that has been added to the women's daily routine.

Poland’s Jewish Ghosts

About 2,500 years ago, the prophet Jeremiah, having predicted Nebuchadnezzar's imminent destruction of the First Temple, composed the famous line, "Why did I leave the womb - to see toil and pain - that I may live out my days in shame?" About 500 years later, Joseph ben Matthias, also known as Josephus, observed and recorded the destruction of the Second Temple by Roman emperor Titus, claiming in Book VI of the "War of the Jews" (chapter nine) that 1.1 million Jews were killed and 97,000 were enslaved in the siege.

The Guilt That Comes With Freedom

I spoke with a group of former well spouses. They began the support group as caregivers and helped each other navigate the difficult practical and emotional minefields through which they all traveled. As the years passed, many were widowed but stayed on in the original support group to help others. Over time, as more of them lost their spouses to chronic illness, they began to realize that they were now all coping with a different set of emotions.

Gemilas Chassadim – Loving-Kindness: A Tested Formula

I was planning to write this column on Gemilas Chassadim several weeks ago, but events unfolded that, with the passage of time, would have lost their immediacy, so this article was put on hold. But I guess it's no coincidence that I am writing this column in the wake of Parshas Vaera and the yahrzeit of my beloved husband, HaRav Meshulem Halevi Jungreis, zt"l, for both the parshah and the exemplary life of my husband, provide us with insights on gemilas chassadim.

Senseless Love

One month ago, humanity woke up to a very dark world.

Senseless Love

One month ago, humanity woke up to a very dark world.

Acknowledgement And Empathy; The Caffeine Of Emotions

When we are exhausted but must continue doing whatever it is that needs to be done, we can usually rely on a jolt of caffeine to keep us on task.

Are There Limits To Kibud Horim?

We have a stringent duty to honor our parents. But are there limits? A well-known Gemara praises a Roman officer for maintaining his composure even after his mother tore his clothes and spit in his face in public (Kiddushin 31a). Many cite this story as proof that a child must passively submit to abuse by a parent. This view is mistaken and can lead to terrible tragedies.

The Right To Ask, Or Not

Last week I discussed whether a close friend has a right to expect to know everything that is going on in our lives in order for them to be supportive of us.

The Right To Know

I had a very wise friend who once told me that when her kids were young, she wanted them to tell her everything that went on in their lives.

Private and Public Acts of Acknowledgement and Empathy

I have often written about the importance of acknowledging someone's pain and showing appreciation for what they have done for us.

When What You Can Do Changes (Part II)

There was a time when I wore a message button daily. I wore it more to remind myself of the message than anyone else reading it.

Painful Words: A Painful Reality

Jews globally are commemorating the Three Weeks of Mourning period that began with last Sunday's 17th Day of Tammuz fast and culminates with the Fast of Tisha B'Av.

After Yeshiva Mercaz HaRav Kook: Understanding The Horribly Human Face Of Arab Terror

Pain can sometimes be sanitized by language, but it can never be truly anesthetized.

What Comes Around Goes Around (Part Two)

Last week I told the story of Chaya Leah, a well spouse. Chaya Leah had cared for her son's friend, Moishe, while his mother was sitting Shivah.

What Comes Around… Goes Around (Part One)

The topic of discussion of the support group was our children. How do the children of the chronically ill cope?

‘Getting Back On The Swing’

I remember a mishap years ago while in first grade and happily swinging on the playground swing during recess.

Did She Cry Because Of You?

One of my favorite teachings from the Talmud is a marriage-related lesson.

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Printed from: https://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/on-our-own/when-the-absence-of-pain-is-pleasure-2/2010/04/14/

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