web analytics
April 21, 2014 / 21 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance

Posts Tagged ‘Unfaithful Chronicles’

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/16/10

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

More ire and words of wisdom for Unfaithful (Chronicles 2-19-10)

Dear Rachel,

I take issue with your column becoming a forum for every sickening person to have his or her “2 minutes of fame” aired in public. That this person will have children who could grow up to be murderers is a given and he shouldn’t be surprised at the connection: the Commandment against murder (Lo Tirtzach) is directly followed by the Commandment against adultery (Lo Sinaf). The meforshim explain that should one commit adultery, the direct result will be to produce progeny who are murderers.

These are not only commandments given to us Jews; they are part of the seven Noahide Laws and are supposed to be practiced by all humankind. The writer flagrantly flaunts his disgusting behavior, boasts of not just “walking the streets” and “doing it” but is also coarsely proud of getting others to follow in his lewd footsteps.

Though I am not Chassidic, I have dozens of family members who are: they all married after meeting their respective spouses just 2 – 3 times and all are happy in stable marriages. It is so easy and totally unjustifiable to blame “the system” for one’s craven crimes against G-d and our people.

The writer accomplished precisely what he set out to do: to goad the public readership’s collective mind into the gutter with him. This letter should not have seen the light of day in a Torah-true publication like The Jewish Press!

Respectfully yours

Dear Respectfully,

Unfortunately the world we live in is not what it once was. With the advent of the Internet, many of our own – as letters to this column testify time and again – get caught up in the massive web of degeneracy. Can we really afford to pretend that the menace does not exist and to ignore those who attempt to reach out from the gutter to grasp at some semblance of sanity?

Can we delude ourselves into believing that if we close our eyes everyone will just hang in there, heal or that things will simply improve of their own accord? If we failed to turn the barrel over to pluck loose the rotten apple buried among the fresh ripe ones, would the rot not fester to putrefy all the healthy apples in the proximity of the decay?

Many readers, as a result of their letters to this column (see below for a perfect example), contribute their opinions as well as invaluable perspective learned from their own experiences, all of which are instrumental in some degree towards helping the floundering souls desperate for us not to ignore them or to pretend they do not exist.

Your concern and contribution are herewith acknowledged and appreciated.

Dear Rachel,

I invite the reader to visualize the following common scenario: Several children enjoying the yummy taste of their favorite dinner – grilled hot dogs – wonder in amazement at their grown-up peers standing around eating nothing. Do they know what they’re missing?

In reality, the grown-ups know well what hot dogs taste like but they are in on a little secret. They are saving their appetite for the gourmet steaks on the grill that take a little longer to cook. The pleasure of eating a prime cut rib steak cannot quite compare to the 5 or 10 hot dogs – even if you add the relish and mustard! But that’s only if you’re grown-up enough to understand what real eating is all about.

Dear Mr. Unfaithful,

I am sure you’ve experienced many “hot dog-type” pleasures. But I’d like to introduce to you the ultimate love affair that I doubt you are familiar with, based on the way you speak. You see I too have flirted with the temptations and pleasures you refer to as indispensable. But I have found a book that describes in vivid detail the road to ultimate pleasures that will make any pleasure you had until now seem like a mere hot dog in the shadow of the real experience!

You know how you get a little depressed after the sin is committed and the pleasure comes to an end because you have to go home? Deep in your subconscious there’s a gnawing feeling of dissatisfaction. After eating a 40 oz. steak, how much room is there for another 40 oz. steak? In one escapade, how much satisfaction can one achieve?

My book will show you how to increase your appetite and savor the pleasure of this ultimate affair without ever becoming “full.” Also, this book can teach you how to involve your wife and gain her consent to your affair!

I am recommending a novel approach in love affairs that is guaranteed to make you happy and satisfied with pleasures growing every day instead of going stale! All you have to do is follow the book’s instructions carefully and you will be on the road to a complete, pleasure-filled existence.

In the book you will actually be introduced to your new lover. This lover is guaranteed to love you 100% and provide all the pleasures you can dream of. In fact, even as you committed your various sins in the past, this Lover has been with you.

You may not be aware of it, but Hashem loves you very much because He kept your heart pumping even when some of your friends would have loved to see it stop.

The book I refer to is the Torah. Believe it or not, the recipe for the ultimate love affair is found right inside. All it takes is a little growing up to appreciate it! Chazal tell us that the ultimate pleasure is basking in Hashem’s glory.

The thrill of going undercover and secretly indulging your fantasies can also be found when you go against the grain of society and secretly harbor a love for Hashem and think about Him all your waking moments.

When you are ready to grow up and experience this ultimate pleasure, you can speak to any of the many rabbanim in our community and I am sure they will help you. You can also talk to me if you wish, as I am somewhat experienced in the counterfeit pleasures of the world, as well as my ever-growing love affair with the Almighty. I can be reached at levisblugenes@gmail.com.

* * * * *

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 3/19/10

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Dear Rachel,

I never thought I’d be writing my story, let alone to a newspaper column, but I feel the need to back up your statement to Unfaithful (Chronicles 2-19-10). In your response you let him know that “a legion of women who have traveled down that road will corroborate that to set oneself up for almost inevitable pain and heartache is indeed baffling.” Well, sad to say I’ve traveled down that road, have had a million and one regrets and am baffled.

That I once entertained the idea that “he” would leave his wife and children for me is beyond my comprehension.

We actually first met as teenagers and “fell in love.” Though we lived miles apart, we maintained contact by corresponding (in longhand – cells and texting were non-existent then) and by spending hours talking to each other on the phone. Because of our young age, our parents were against the relationship, though they did not protest too much being that we didn’t get to see one another too frequently.

As the years went by, I had not a doubt that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. And yet by the time things could have feasibly worked out between us, he had moved even further away and we gradually lost contact. Eventually I heard that he had married. I still carried some feelings for him in my heart but did not dwell on them much, since, as they say, out of sight, out of mind.

But one day I discovered that he had moved back and settled in our town. When we ran into one another, it was as though the years melted away. The sparks flew, on both sides obviously, and we started to “see” one another. Stolen moments, they call it. But at the time, I was high on what I considered to be “true love.”

I knew it was wrong but I justified that in the name of true love it was right. There is no way that his wife couldn’t have known something was amiss in their relationship, and I did feel for her, but not enough to end the excitement of our affair.

Was I in it for the fun of it? No way! I was convinced that he loved me and believed him when he said “more than he ever loved anyone else.”

Was I satisfied with having him only when he could sneak away from his work and family, and to never spend a Shabbos or holiday together with him? Absolutely not!

But I lived with the constant hope that he would leave his wife one day soon and marry me. When I think back, I can’t even say with certainty that he ever made that promise to me verbatim, though he never said he wouldn’t.

When a couple of years had passed and things remained status quo (except for the increase in the number of his children), it began to dawn on me that he would never abandon his beautiful family. I was slowly beginning to realize that I was a convenient pastime; sure he loved me, but not enough to turn his neat little world upside down. At first he would say, “maybe when the kids are grown” and much later in our relationship, “I can’t think of ever hurting my wife that way.”

I began to wonder whether he wouldn’t have cheated on me had I been his wife. I wanted desperately to believe in him and in a world of fantasy, where my knight in shining armor swoops off his white horse to rescue his damsel in distress – me.

With a shattered heart and rivers of tears, I finally said that’s it, no more. The pain was excruciating.

Over the years I’ve chastised myself for having given in to my heart’s desire and for transgressing G-d’s laws. Even though ours was not your typical “married man meets married/single woman and they have a fling” thing – there was a history to our relationship – I am aware that this doesn’t justify anything. Like you say, there simply isn’t any justification. (For personal reasons, I have chosen not to disclose whether I was single or married at the time – which is irrelevant to my message.)

I am not trying to place blame on somebody else for my wrongdoing but do harbor resentment in my heart for him, for dragging me down along with him. I feel that as a man, and a supposedly learned one at that, he knew better. While I knew deep inside that our relationship wasn’t right, I was ignorant of the specific laws and ramifications as they relate to such behavior, while he surely was more than fully cognizant of them. It’s one thing to choose to consciously hurt yourself, and quite another to take somebody else along for the ride.

Forbidden pleasures, I might add, come at a very high price. With the passage of time, one can clearly see G-d’s meticulous retribution; there is a cheshbon for everything. Let’s just say nobody gets off scot-free. I do teshuvah every day; not one day passes when I don’t feel regret over that unfortunate period of my life, and I hope and pray that Hashem has by now forgiven me.

I can only caution others who harbor similar dreams to mine: it’s only a dream. Unless he is already separated and you know for a fact that a divorce is imminent, it’s not happening. He will never leave his wife and family, who are his pride and joy – regardless of all his declarations of love for you. (And if you too are married, by virtue of your illicit relationship you are forbidden to one another in marriage.)

Don’t be fooled! No matter how much he professes to care for you and love you, you are only his mistress. Don’t set yourself up for inevitable pain and heartache! He is not worth it, and you deserve better.

Older and wiser

Dear Older,
Your message is a powerful one and those who need to hear it are more given to heed the words of someone who’s “been there.” In the merit of unburdening your heart and baring your pain with the hope of reaching others who may learn from your experience, may Hashem grant you menuchas hanefesh and a happy and fulfilling long life.

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-232/2010/03/17/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: