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January 17, 2017 / 19 Tevet, 5777

Posts Tagged ‘ways’

There Are Many Ways To Get What You Want

Thursday, May 19th, 2016

I’ve been working on a musical disc for children and their families and it’s taken quite a while since it’s a very complex project. Over a year ago, I needed some boys to say and also sing a few lines here and there in some of the songs. I advertised in my neighborhood email list, saying that I was looking for boys between the ages of 10 and 12 who would like to participate in this adventure. I asked those who were interested to call me so that I could audition them over the phone. When I had enough boys who seemed like they could do it, I brought them into the studio and recorded them.

Some time went by and one of the boys became bar mitzvah. His mother later told me that she thought that the experience of recording was very helpful to her son. She said it raised his confidence tremendously, helping him to recite his bar mitzvah portion in shul loudly, clearly, and well. The truth is I used to say to the boys in the studio, “Wow, that was great! That was fantastic!” Then, if necessary, I would say, “Can you do it again, a little bit more this way?” They only heard tremendous compliments; they never heard that what they did wasn’t good enough and had to be redone, they all only heard lots and lots of compliments. The truth is that the compliments were sincere because they were lovely young religious boys who were doing their best at something they weren’t even trained for. They were really great, even when they had to redo a part to get it better. They were terrific and did a great job, Baruch Hashem! They really added a lot to the disc.

A couple of months later, another one of the boys, who I’ll call Dani, was becoming bar mitzvah. His mother invited me to his bar mitzvah on Shabbos as well as the evening celebration during the week. The reason she invited me, she explained, was that the recording, even though it was months earlier and just one or two sessions, was a very positive experience for him. Despite wanting to, I couldn’t go to his bar mitzvah. Although we live in the same neighborhood, it was quite a long walk from where I live to the shul where he was having his bar mitzvah, and I had guests that Shabbos so I couldn’t get away for that long. I would have loved to see and hear him receive his aliyah to the Torah but I just wasn’t able to go. I wasn’t able to attend the weekday celebration either, so I told myself that I would buy him a gift for his bar mitzvah and bring it to him when I had a chance. However, since I never see him or his mother, I forgot all about it and he never received a bar mitzvah gift from me.

Fast forward several months, there was someone in Hadassah Hospital in Ein Kerem whom I wanted to visit. It’s quite a long bus ride, or an expensive taxi ride from Har Nof, where I live, so I posted a little note once more in my neighborhood email list, asking if anyone happened to be driving there in the next two days. I received one answer, it was from Dani’s mother. She was going there that day at 12 o’clock, which was perfect timing for me, and said she’d be glad to take me. We set up a meeting place, and as I got into the car I was happy to see Dani, who for whatever reason was going with his mother and was sitting in the back seat of the car. I sat in the front with his mother and we chatted, and of course, one of the things that happened to come up was the disc, which, Baruch Hashem, is nearing completion.

Naomi Brudner

Donald Trump Finally Parts Ways with White Supremacist Duke

Friday, May 6th, 2016

Having in the past denied that he knew former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke (they had met), Donald J. Trump on Thursday finally took the plunge and announced he “disavows” Duke’s anti-Semitic comments, made on the latter’s radio show.

Duke said that the Republican elites have been working to undermine Trump just as they worked against him, Duke, when he ran for governor of Louisiana as a Republican in 1991. He took issue with Trump’s former Republican rival Ted Cruz taking money from a “Jewish leftist commie,” saying Jewish financiers are “destroying the Republican Party” by targeting Trump and himself.

“Jewish chutzpah knows no bounds,” Duke told his listeners, and then focused on billionaire hedge fund manager Paul Singer, a huge supporter of Israel who also supports the “Stop Trump” movement. Referring to Singer and his ilk, Duke said, “I think these Jewish extremists have made a terribly crazy miscalculation because all they’re really going to be doing by doing the ‘Never Trump’ movement is exposing their alien, their anti-American-majority position to all the Republicans. And they’re going to push people more into awareness that the neo-cons are the problem, that these Jewish supremacists who control our country are the real problem and the reason why America is not great.”

That was a bit much, and Jonathan Greenblatt, chief executive of the Anti-Defamation League, challenged candidate Trump to take a stand against the Duke ideas. “David Duke’s latest remarks – smearing Jews and Jewish Republicans specifically – are as unsurprising as they are hateful,” the ADL chief said in a statement. “The onus is now on Donald Trump to make unequivocally clear he rejects those sentiments and that there is no room for Duke and anti-Semitism in his campaign and in society. Mr. Trump can and should speak up now. If not, his silence will speak volumes.”

In the past, Trump had been unwilling to confront Duke’s increasingly more outrageous and openly anti-Semitic comments, presumably so as not to lose the support of while males in the South. But eventually Trump released a statement saying he “totally disavows” Duke’s remarks.

“Anti-Semitism has no place our society, which needs to be united, not divided,” Trump said, having himself made his share of divisive comments against Mexicans and Muslims.

David Israel

Muslim Brotherhood Picks Hawk as New Leader

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

The Muslim Brotherhood (MB) on Tuesday named Mahmoud Ezzat as its new leader after the Egyptian government arrested its former leader Mohamed Badie earlier on the same day.

Experts are suggesting that hardline MBs who managed to go underground to evade an arrest, would seek ways to avenge Badie’s arrest.

Ezzat has strong relations with the international Muslim Brotherhood and with the Hamas movement, Tharwat Kharabawy, a dissident former MB leader, told Xinhua.

Ezzat is a hawk, Kharabawy said, “the real guide of the group” and the one “managing the group from behind the curtains.”

The appointment means that the MBs are in no mood for peaceful negotiations with General al-Sisi and the new regime in Cairo.

Ezzat, former MB secretary general, has been a member of the guidance bureau and a deputy of Badie. In 1965 he was arrested and sentenced to 10 years in prison.

He was chosen as a member of the guidance bureau in 1981, and was arrested again in 2008.

According to the Egyptian authorities, Badie has been transferred to Mazraah prison in the Torah prisons’ complex, where former President Hosni Mubarak and his two sons are currently residing.

Badie is going to stand trial on Aug. 25, together with his two deputies, Khairat al-Shater and Rashad al-Bayoumi.

The new Egyptian rulers appear determined to crush the MB. In an interview with the CNN, presidential political advisor Moustafa Hegazi said that putting Badie in jail is a step toward restoring law and order.

He said “Egypt is waging a fierce war against terrorism and criminal acts.”

Hegazi suggested that the cruelest incident in all of Egypt’s history was the execution of 25 off-duty security servicemen on Monday in the northern Sinai Peninsula.

European Union foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton said on Tuesday that she had offered to return to Cairo.

“I told the Egyptian prime minister at the weekend that I would be more than willing to go back to Egypt if they wish me to come back,” said Ashton, who has been to Egypt twice since the regime change by the military.

Yori Yanover

Bullying Must End!

Friday, August 9th, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael:

My husband and I are having a problem with our seven-year-old daughter. She is having difficulty with socializing and was bullied this past year by another girl. She is a very sweet girl, and it is hard for her to respond when someone is mean to her. I don’t know how to help her and it is breaking my heart to see her going more and more into a shell. I spoke to her teachers and they tried to be more on top of the situation, but I am concerned about this coming school year. My daughter is already starting to dread going back to school because she is nervous that the bullying will continue. What can we do to help her avoid another difficult year?

A Heartbroken Mother

Dear Heartbroken Mother:

It is very frustrating to watch a child being bullied and to not know what you can do to help. The most important thing to do is to empower your daughter and help build her confidence. This can be done in several ways.

Does your daughter have any other girlfriends that would help her stand up to this bully? Getting other girls to help your daughter may make her feel more confident (and less hurt) by the bullying girl. And the girl who is bullying her may be much less likely to continue the bullying if she sees that it will not be tolerated by others. Research has shown that the most effective way to stop bullying is to get the bystanders to become proactive. Even though the other kids who are standing around may not be outwardly contributing to the bullying, they are in essence contributing to it because they are not standing up for the victim, thus allowing the bullying to continue. Someone proactive will defend the victim and not let the bully get away with demeaning anyone or making anyone feel bad. If even just a few girls decide that they will not let bullying occur, they can make a huge difference. Remember that in numbers there is strength. While I am not advocating for the children in your daughter’s class be mean to the bully, they must be assertive and make it clear that bullying behavior will not be tolerated in their school.

It is imperative that you make every effort to raise your daughter’s confidence level so she can have the self-belief to answer the bully and not look hurt while doing so – a very challenging feat. It would be helpful to come up with some witty comebacks and then role-play. Once your daughter feels comfortable with various responses, she will be more likely to use them when needed. Practicing the situation beforehand will help her feel more secure and less scared. Make sure to distinguish between nasty and aggressive remarks on one hand and confident and assertive remarks on the other. While a mean remark may sting the bully and make your daughter feel better in the short term, it will not be effective in the long term – as no one truly feels better when he or she makes someone else feel bad.

There is a huge difference between standing up for oneself and retaliating against others. Retaliation will likely continue the negative cycle and may even get your daughter in trouble. Defending oneself is a sign of self-assertion and strength, not meanness. Appropriate comebacks to bullying include “I’m surprised that such a nice girl like you would speak that way” or “I’m really sorry you feel that way.”

It may also be beneficial to get your daughter involved in some kind of chesed project and/or extracurricular activity. When people give to others, they feel useful and better about themselves. Many young girls and boys assist Tomchei Shabbos and other tzedakah organizations.

Another idea is to have your daughter aid a mother with several young children. These are great ways to do something positive on behalf of the frum community while your daughter strives to raise her sense of self. Getting involved in a specialty class (e.g. art, gymnastics, or dance) will also help her succeed in other areas and improve her self-esteem. These classes can also be great places to make new friends who share similar interests. Any kind of active class will pump your daughter with adrenaline, making her consistently feel better.

Try to minimize criticizing your daughter while maximizing your compliments and words of positive reinforcement. Seek opportunities to praise her for things she accomplishes and for the way she acts. Point out her special qualities in meaningful and sincere ways. For example, instead of saying “great job,” say “I really liked how you handled yourself when your little brother hit you. I could tell that you were upset, but you controlled yourself and acted like a true bas Yisrael. You really are a special girl!” This demonstrates that you were paying attention to her actions, and your praise lets her know that what she did was exemplary. She is then able to internalize the praise because it is meaningful.

If none of these ideas help your daughter, please seek professional help in order to build your daughter’s confidence and give her tools to use in stressful social situations. Never forget that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!” Getting your daughter help now can save you from years of future therapy. Hatzlachah with your trying situation!

Note to parents whose children are bullying others: Get your children professional help to rectify their abusive behavior. Bullying is a serious problem for the victims and perpetrators alike. It is not something that children generally grow out of. Most children who bully feel insecure about themselves and in order to feel better feel the need to put others down. But in reality this creates a negative cycle that makes the bullies feel increasingly worse because being mean to others does not make them feel better about themselves.

Help them express what is bothering them so they can stop taking out their pain on other children. Now is the time to assets them in gaining more effective coping skills, thereby improving their middos. If they don’t change for the better at a young age, they may have difficulties in the future regarding issues like job security, getting married, and staying married.

Bullying is unacceptable and it’s easier for a bully to change his or her behavior at a young age. So please help your precious children learn to socialize appropriately. In the end they will be nicer to others – while feeling better about themselves.

Dr. Yael Respler

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/bullying-must-end/2013/08/09/

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