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Posts Tagged ‘website’

Shidduchim: Why Personality Compatibility Matters

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Dear Readers:

Much of my private practice is devoted to helping couples in conflict resolve their differences. I have discovered over the years that personality compatibility is an essential component of a happy marriage. Many of the couples I see in therapy struggle with reconciling radically different modes of communicating and coping with life’s issues. As a result, it is often the case that arguments ensue, empathy is strained and estrangement sets in. With that as a backdrop, here are several fictitious vignettes of couples that are personality incompatible.

Devorah prides herself on being punctual. She views it as a mark of responsibility and respect for others to be on time. As a matter of fact, she almost always gets to meetings early. Her husband Yaakov usually arrives for appointments 5-10 minutes late. He always has what he thinks is a valid reason: something came up that he had to attend to. He prides himself on his flexibility and multitasking. Devorah is frustrated because she thinks Yaakov could be more organized and prioritize his life better. The two frequently argue about this issue and it negatively affects their relationships.

Malkie is sensitive to people’s feelings and will go to almost any length to avoid a dispute. Her husband Baruch is strong willed and factual and will press his case even if it involves some degree of dissension. Malkie feels that Baruch is insensitive and bullying. Baruch believes that Malkie is too much of a pushover and that she should stand up for what she feels is right – even if it involves a disagreement. He contends that disagreements are necessary because they lead to a clarification of the truth. This difference in approach leads to frustration for both of them.

Moshe believes that the best way to raise his and his wife’s children is to set firm rules and impose natural consequences for breaching those rules. He doesn’t believe in making exceptions, as it will teach their children to shirk their responsibilities. “The law is the law” by him. His wife Ruchie is very attuned to her children and is more inclined to view non-compliance as stemming from an emotional issue. She gives the benefit of the doubt to her children in many situations. As a consequence of their differing personalities, Moshe and Ruchie frequently argue over their different child-rearing styles.

As you can see, these couples are incompatible in certain defined aspects of their relationship. Neither spouse is right or wrong; they simply have very different personalities. These differences can be difficult to detect during the dating process, when singles are in situations that do not normally pose conflict. However, after the couple is married, these incompatibilities soon assume center stage. If differences are relatively few in number and the spouses possess significant skills in empathy and acceptance of difference, things are manageable. However, the cumulative effect of profound incompatibility is that feelings of trust and intimacy are compromised.

Of course, when couples differ in some ways, they can help each other grow. However, when couples’ personalities are significantly different or incompatible, it can become more of a problem in their marriage. Personality traits that at first seemed appealing because they were different than one’s own eventually become a source of frustration and are seen as a flaw in need of rectification. Individuals who seek to change their spouses’ traits will surely encounter failure. People cannot be coerced into changing their essential nature.

What emerges is that compatibility makes it much easier to establish a happy and successful marriage. Research studies in the field of psychology have demonstrated that compatible couples are more satisfied in their marriages. Moreover, Torah hashkafa emphasizes the importance of being diligent in identifying compatibility in prospective spouses. We need to communicate this knowledge to young adults and their parents who are now actively engaged in shidduchim. We must give them the necessary tools to be able to identify personality-compatible marriage prospects.

To that end I strongly endorse an exciting resource that has just burst onto the frum dating scene, one that will hopefully result in hundreds, if not thousands, of marriages. The website ZivugZone.com uses a sophisticated, state-of-the-art software program to match singles according to their personality compatibility, hashkafa, age and other key personal preferences. My friend and colleague Moshe Coan, with whom I’ve worked closely with in the past, is the website’s founder. ZivugZone.com is free and has become hugely popular since it launched in July. The first two months saw over 1,300 singles register.

Dr. Yael Respler

Sarah Silverman Took Us Down

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

Apparently nothing is more important in the world than Sarah Silverman and her uterus. As the entire world, and her father, have decided to visit (and revisit) the website to read and comment on Rabbi Rosenblatt’s article.
Unfortunately, our server is having trouble keeping up with this unbelievable volume of traffic.

We apologize if you’re among those who haven’t been able to access the site (but then how are you reading this?), and congratulations, if you’ve made it to this point.

We’re temporarily tweaking the server’s capabilities right now to handle this very incredible spike, and appreciate your understanding. If you can’t get on, please try again in a few minutes.

Jewish Press Staff

Must Have More Babies

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

This is the babies room at the Bikur Holim hospital in Jerusalem.

It’s a picture of the future. It’s a picture of a well functioning society aware of the fact that even after every single of its living members is dead and buried, it will continue to live and even thrive – because of the assortment of cute munchkins lying helplessly in their mobile cribs.

It’s a very serious picture, with unimaginably crucial consequences.

Nothing is more important than babies, not national security, not the economy, nothing, because without them there IS nothing.

So what are you doing reading this website instead of populating the planet? Come on, get married and get busy!

Yori Yanover

‘Caught’ Using an iPhone, Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak Scorns his Detractors, While Urging Visitors to Carry a ‘Rabbi in Every Pocket’

Monday, October 15th, 2012

While senior Haredi rabbis are intensifying their battle against smartphones, and have begun as of late to levy personal sanctions against people using these devices, ostensibly to isolate them so they cannot inflict their cultural/spiritual damage on society – one notable and extremely influential Haredi star, Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak, continues to use this dangerous device unheeded.

Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak claims that Torah sage Rabbi Aaron Leib Steinman granted him and his assistants special permission to use the iPhone “for the purpose of hachzara b’tshuva,” encouraging people to return to observance of Torah & mitzvot.

Of all the people I disagree with ideologically, Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak is by far my favorite. When I’m feeling down I go to You Tube and pick a clip of his at random and let it run for thirty minutes or so. For me, it cures the blues. Because the good rabbi never cowers before anyone, and if he thinks he’s right he is visibly happy to let out the most unpopular statements, if only to watch the heads of his detractors explode with frustration.

One of his favorite sports is to pick up off the cuff debates with people in his audience, many of whom come specifically to duke it out with him. Not all of them pose much of an intellectual challenge, but I’m sure the outspoken rabbi can hold his own against anyone.

So I was curious to read his reaction to the allegations regarding his use of the verboten instruments, after social media users and several websites publicized pictures of him with the little box that made Steve Jobs king.

Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak addressed the issue on his own website, “Shofar,” calling his critics “fools” and saying they insult God.

He cited our sages, who warned that “anyone who doubts his rabbi, it is as if he is doubts the Divine Presence.” He then added another warning, citing the sages who taught that “he who casts suspicion upon the innocent will receive bodily punishment.”

Referring to the topic at hand, Rabbi Yitzchak published an ad on his website titled “Clarification to Eliminate Stumbling Blocks and Slander,” with the explanation: “Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak is against the iPhone and similar devices. Regarding the question of stupid and uninformed individuals, who ask how come Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak uses an iPhone, let it be known that the eminent Torah sage Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman gave personal permission to the rabbi and to his staff to use iPhones for the purpose of bringing Jews back to Torah observance.”

Last week, Rabbi Moshe Tzadka, dean of Yeshivat Porat Yosef, gave an order to smash the smartphone belonging to one of the boys in the yeshiva. Before breaking the phone, Rabbi Tzadka remarked that this is fulfilling the commandment of sanctifying God’s name and the act of destroying the device is like the Torah passage referring to idol worship: “And their altars you shall shatter and their monuments shall be broken.”

After the owner of the phone broke it in two pieces with his own hands, the rabbi called upon all present to declaim the passage together with him, “So shall all your enemies be smitten, God.”

An “iPhone smashing” ceremony was held several weeks ago, in the Maayan Shalom synagogue in the Pardes Katz neighborhood of Bnei Brak, where another smartphone was smashed to pieces. Presiding over that ceremony was Rabbi Lior Glazer (the Magid Meisharim) who peppered his words of rebuke with loud pounding of a wooden gavel, and called the religious users of the various “impure” smartphone devices despicable, villainous abominations.

The anti-smartphone forces in the Haredi world compare it to something like a house of ill repute right inside your pocket. But, much like the folks over at Chabad.org, Rabbi Amnon Yitzhak has devoted his life to loading positive, God fearing and extremely enjoyable messages online.

Which is why the “Shofar” website, that serves as an enormous archive of Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak’s articles and videos, also celebrates the fact that from now on subscribers to the website as well as free users (for a limited time only) will be able to get pocket versions of the rabbi’s wisdom.

“With mazal tov, we’re on our way: the Rabbi in every pocket. You can watch the films of the Rabbi, may he live long, on iPhone and iPad as an application in the new website under the category of Edited Films. Enjoy!”

Yori Yanover

Florida Holocaust Museum Hosts Several Exhibits

Sunday, October 14th, 2012

The Florida Holocaust Museum of St Petersburg is proud to present the following exhibits:

Humanity Beyond Barbed Wire: Hitler’s Soldiers in the Sunshine States – on view through October 27, this exhibition is based on a book by Robert Billinger. It illustrates the principles of a democratic nation and the humane treatment of enemy combatants during World War II.

Letters to Sala: A Young Woman’s Life in Nazi Labor Camps – on view through December 31. Sala Garncarz saved items including postcards, photos and official documents from the time she entered a labor camp in 1940 until her liberation in 1945.

Reflections on Man’s Fate: The Art of Judith Weinshall Liberman – on view through Jan. 20, 2013. Drawn from the Florida Holocaust Museum’s permanent collection, this exhibition is made up of paintings and textile work by award-winning artist Judith Weinshall Liberman. The collection includes wall hangings and works on canvas.

Commemoration: Kristallnacht, the pogrom of 1938 – Thursday, Nov. 8, 7 p.m.

Guest speaker: Sigmund Tobias, author of Strange Haven: A Jewish Childhood in Wartime Shanghai. The event is free to all; no RSVPs are necessary.

Always on view: History, Heritage and Hope – the museum’s permanent exhibition. Kaddish in Wood – Dr. Herbert Savel’s wood carvings.

For more information call 727-820-0100, or visit the museum’s website (www.flholocaustmuseum.org) for directions and further details including holiday closures. Limited free parking is available.

Shelley Benveniste

Hallucinatory Realism

Friday, October 12th, 2012

The Nobel Prize in Literature 2012 was awarded yesterday to Chinese writer Mo Yan “who with hallucinatory realism merges folk tales, history and the contemporary.”

I liked that description very much. I went looking for texts by the fresh winner. Among several offerings online, not all of which would befit a frum website, I found the following paragraphs, from his most recent work, “POW!” which is soon to be published in English:

Huang Biao snared a pig’s knuckle and examined it. What was he looking for? It was soft and fully cooked, and would be overdone if he let it stew any longer. But he threw it back in, picked out a dog’s leg, and went through the same drill, but this time he sniffed it. What are you doing, you moron? It’s ready to eat, so turn down the heat before it turns mushy. Next came a sheep’s leg, and once again it was examine and smell. Why don’t you taste it, you moron? . . . Now that the heat had diminished, the liquid was no longer roiling, although a few ripples remained in the spaces between the cuts of meat, whose song had softened as they waited to be eaten.

But then the whole gritty, peasant cooking scene goes way out of bounds when Huang Biao ends up using his bodily fluids as cooking wine, which was just too gritty for me.

I suppose we keep looking for bigger and bigger shock effects. So you should know, Chinese peasant life is pretty shocking.

Anyway, when you now see references to Mo Yan’s brutal style, you’ll have an idea.

Way too much culture gap for me.

Yori Yanover

New York Jewish Doctor Co-Recipient of Nobel Prize in Chemistry

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Robert J. Lefkowitz, a Jewish physician and path-breaking biochemist from New York, has won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry jointly with Brian K. Kobilka, a researcher at California’s Stanford University.

The Nobel Prize in Chemistry 2012 went to the scientists for “groundbreaking discoveries that reveal the inner workings of an important family … of receptors: G-protein–coupled receptors,” an Oct. 10 posting on the website of the Nobel Prize stated. Understanding how these receptors function helped further explain how cells could sense their environment, according to the text.

Lefkowitz – who works at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute of Duke University Medical Center in North Carolina — and Kobilka worked together to isolate and analyze a gene which led them to discover that “the receptor was similar to one in the eye that captures light. They realized that there is a whole family of receptors that look alike and function in the same manner,” the Nobel Prize website said.

Lefkowitz, 61, and Kobilka, 57, will share a $1.2 million grant from the Nobel Prize Committee.

On Oct. 9. The Nobel Prize Committee in Stockholm announced that Serge Haroche, a French-Jewish physicist, had won the Nobel Prize in Physics jointly with David Wineland from the United States. The Nobel Prize in Chemistry 2011 went to Dan Shechtman of Israel’s Technion.

In 2008, Lefkowitz received the US National Medal of Science. The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles reported at the time that he was one of three American-Jewish recipients that year of the nation’s highest honor in science and technology.

In an interview with Emily Harris which appeared this summer on the website of Duke University, Lefkowitz is quoted as saying: “I was clearly destined to be a physician, I dreamed about it from the third grade on. Wouldn’t trade that part of my experience in for anything. I LOVED medical school.” He also said: “I do regret that my dad died thinking I would be a practicing cardiologist, never dreaming what the future held for me.”

Lefkowitz’s father, who died at the age of 63, “never got to see any of this play out,” Lefkowitz said.

JTA

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/news/breaking-news/new-york-jewish-doctor-co-recipient-of-nobel-prize-in-chemistry/2012/10/10/

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