Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Note: all names in this story have been changed.

A second chance Hashem, please just let me have a retake. How many times in life do we feel this way? If only I could do this over I would be calmer, wiser, and more patient.

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Even though I know that I am not in charge and I need to let Hashem run the world I still fall into the trap of trying to fix and control circumstances.

The more I juggle and try to control my challenges the more I see that I really just need to rely on Hashem.

My youngest daughter was getting married and I was trying to find ways to raise money. Due to recent disability caused by damage from a surgery I am unable to work. For the first time ever I would not be able to work multiple jobs to make this wedding. I started reaching out to others to help me and had very minimal success. I felt myself starting to get depressed.

My state of despair grows and I start to remember my spouse suffers from a mental illness and no matter what I do I can’t make him get help.

Then I wander into shidduch-land and feel the pain of my one daughter, who is now facing the challenge of two younger siblings marrying before her.

Oh then of course my father’s health remains precarious and scary

My oldest couple just got divorced and my heart is still reeling in shock. My granddaughter needs me to be her strength but how can I?

Close friends fighting cancer, family disputes, teenagers losing sight of their direction. The list in my mind continues on until I start to cry and sob

In the midst of my misery it hits me. I am going about this wrong. I take a deep breath and try to control my sobs. They slowly subside and although my tears continue to flow I feel an inner strength bubbling up

You have to give this to Hashem wrap it up in a package and send it to him. Remember that feeling you had when you became frum over 30 years ago. You realized that you were not alone.

I find myself starting to relax as I allow the warmth of knowing Hashem is with me to overtake me. I begin to daydream and see all my challenges flying up to the heavens.

All of a sudden my cellphone rings startling me into reality.

“Hello,” I greet my friend.

“Listen, she asks without any preamble, does your husband say Kaddish for people.

“Yes he does.”

As I think to myself ,This is one of the only things he can still do well even with his issues he is a strong davener.

I return back to the conversation.

“Great, she is saying, someone will call you soon and they will arrange payment for it.”

Before I can say goodbye she hangs up and I curiously await the next phone call.

Five minutes later the phone rings again, “Hello this is Tovi Mandle. I wanted to speak to you about your husband saying Kaddish for my cousin.”

Fine, I answer. “There is no set fee just whatever you think.” I reply.

“Oh I am planning to give $540 a month for the eleven months is that ok?”

I gasp and tears of joy full my eyes. “You know we are making chassunah very soon and this well this is just amazing,” I told her.

Tova explains, “Yes I heard. Look my cousin wasn’t religious and I want this to be a big aliyah for his neshama and also I have older daughter who is still single so if your couple can daven for her under the chuppah I will be very happy.

“I am going to give her name to my whole family too and we will daven for her to find a chassan very soon.”

The conversation continues on and we arrange the practical details. We hang up us with mutual good wishes all around.

I am left feeling overwhelmed and grateful for this direct gift I have just received. I excitedly call my children to share this unbelievable story with them. It is not very often such an obvious solution flies straight from the heavens.

Even though I still remain with the same challenges my emunah and bitachon have be given such a tremendous boost. I feel as if Hashem has give me a big hug.

I have no idea why I merited this special gift but I feel compelled to share this story with all of my fellow brethren. It really is good to let go and give your burdens to Hashem although you may not get a clear answer maybe if you remember this story you will gain the strength to know Hashem really does know what each and every one of us really needs.

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