It’s that time of year again! Thoughts of driving down the 17 with beach chairs, a barbecue grill, and other paraphernalia in tow fill many minds. Others dream of their summer home in Deal or the mountains above Denver. Wherever we plan to go, rest assured that the yetzer hara is traveling with us. So it behooves us to be on the lookout for the dangers that lurk around us at this time of year.
The Torah states in Parshas Behaloscha, “Al pi Hashem yachanu v’al pi Hashem yisa’u.” Homiletically, these words teach us that our lives must be in line with Hashem’s commandments both at home and when we’re on the road. This directive is especially relevant during the often spiritually challenging months of the summer.
Pirkei Avos (2:4) teaches us, “Al tifrosh min ha’tzibor – Do not separate yourself from the community.” When you’re part of a community, you experience peer pressure not to deviate from the correct path. That’s why, for example, it’s advisable to daven in the same shul most of the time and not “shtiebl hop.” For if we always daven in the same place, it’s not easy to take off one Shabbos since we know we’ll have to answer for our absence!
During the summer months, though, many of us feel less peer pressure. We’re in the country, without the invasive eyes of our more scrupulous city neighbors. We must therefore make a commitment to ourselves that we won’t allow this fact to affect our religious behavior.
Men who remain in the city the entire week should also realize that they no longer have the usual excuse (“I’m too busy,” “I’m taking care of the children”) for not attending the nightly Daf Yomi shiur or visiting their parents. They would be wise to inject into their summer routine mitzvos that they have neglected because of time pressure during the rest of the year.
Another summer challenge is avoiding the dangers of shochen ra (a bad neighbor). The Yad Yecheskail asks why Yehoshua needed special prayers from Moshe and Kalev needed the protection of the avos in Chevron to be saved from the wiles of the other 10 meraglim. Didn’t they have enough spiritual stamina to come through the ordeal untainted? Evidently not. Evidently, says the Yad Yecheskail, a bad environment is so harmful that it can even affect people like Yehoshua and Kalev.
Thus, it behooves us during the summer to be wary of “environmental hazards.” Both men who gather around a supper table after a hard day’s work and women who have time to gossip around the umbrella table by a pool must keep in mind the deadly sin of lashon hara! It’s not easy to train ourselves to avoid talking about people, but we should bring such a commitment with us to the mountains. It’s at least as important as the suntan lotion and insect repellent.
We should especially avoid the lethal habit of talking to others about our spouses. The climate of an all-male crowd in the city and an all-female crowd in the mountains breeds confidences, but they are almost always very, very wrong! The Torah mandates “v’davak b’ishto,” to be loyal to one’s spouse, and included in this directive is honoring his or her privacy and not divulging the affairs of one’s home to others.
It’s also important to avoid fraternizing with members of the opposite gender (with our spouses 125 miles away). What seems like harmless socialization may be trampling on one of the Ten Commandments!
The Gemara (Yevamos 62b) teaches us that a man should love his wife like himself. Similarly, we know that the primary purpose of a woman is to be a partner to her husband. Therefore, during the summer months, when husband and wife are often apart, they should be extremely vigilant to take actions to demonstrate that they miss each other.
They should call each other often and make themselves available when they’re called. It’s a grave error when a husband or wife lets the other feel that he or she is secondary to the other things in his or her life.
Summer weekends can be beautiful moments or, chas v’shalom, marital nightmares. Wives have to realize their husbands drive back and forth for long hours, sometimes in horrendous traffic, for just two short days every weekend! It’s unwise to plan shopping trips in crowded ShopRites for them and visits to their (the wives’) friends as their total weekend itinerary! At the same time, husbands must be mindful of the fact that their wives are alone with the children the entire week and need his disciplining help over the weekend.
The wise woman will openly display to her husband how much he was missed and educate the children to do so as well! The smart husband will act the same toward his wife, and giving her an occasional gift or a bouquet of flowers would be a wonderful touch.
Couples should be mindful of their lack of quality time together during the summer, and although one might prefer to socialize Friday night, one should be mindful of the great importance of having sufficient quality time together just as a couple.
In the merit of our spiritual vigilance, may Hashem bless us and our loved ones with a healthy, happy, and wonderful summer!
