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It is important to try to focus on what we can give to our spouse instead of calculating what you give and what you must get. This “accounting” system in marriage is unhealthy and will not lead to greater love and closeness in the marriage. We all have different needs in a marriage; however, the most important need we have is to feel validated and appreciated.

I wish you hatzlocha in finding the right words to reach your daughter. If you are not successful, then it would be a good idea to ask your daughter if she would want to see someone to help enrich her marriage. If she does agree to see a professional, maybe you can offer to help pay for the sessions.

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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to [email protected]. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.