Photo Credit: Jewish Press

First, and most importantly, you are in therapy, which is good and, hopefully, is helping you cope and heal from the mental trauma and emotional wounds you carry.  However, don’t let it color your view of marriage; the bizarre one you were in is not the norm.  Most marriages are comprised of two loving, caring individuals who grow and deepen their relationship to higher and more loving levels as they age together.  Sadly, this was not yours to experience, but it can be in the future, when you are well and ready.  So don’t give up on marriage.  Your zivug is still out there, waiting for you to find him. 

Now, to address the other issues.

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No one can deny that you were at an extreme disadvantage in your shidduch search without the help, input and investigative help of knowledgeable parents or relatives to assist you in checking out your prospects. Regrettably, this was beyond your control and could have been the cause of your falling into such a bad match.  However, at thirty years of age, one should have enough of a logical base from which to draw.  I can only concur with you that your desire to “get married” blinded you to the obvious.  Let us hope that you will use better judgement in the future and consult with others before taking such a life-altering step.

As for “happily ever after,” even the best of marriages are a work in progress. One needs to give extra attention when things are difficult, be the voice of reason when a spouse is having a hard day, etc. Just as a home needs repairs at different times so it remains strong from foundation to roof, so too a marriage needs constant care and monitoring in order to keep it strong into old age.  Life is not always the fairy tale it started out as – often there are bumps in the road – but wise couples know that keeping a cool head, a loving thought and a caring heart often gets most derailed marriages back on track.  Harder issues to overcome are best worked through in counseling and, if all else fails, Hakadosh Boruch Hu provided us with the halachos of Gittin that are best served in the hands of a trustworthy and honest Beis Din

My bracha to you is that you place your faith in Hashem, speak to Him fervently through tefillah and ask for His help and guidance. He will help you! 

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