Dear Dating Coach,
I met someone at a singles weekend and he is amazing. We talked the whole Shabbos and really connected. In the months since then, we have been messaging back and forth a few times a week. We also met a few times late at night for a drink and had a great time. I want to date him properly, and he has told me that he really likes me, but there are a few things that he is worried about. He is really into health, and doesn’t like that I don’t exercise. He also is concerned that I am too obsessed with my family and a few other things. He’s right that I could stand to lose a few pounds and I do spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews. I have been trying to go to the gym and I am spending more time on my other interests to show him that I can change. He keeps encouraging me but says he is not ready to date me just yet. He wants me to have more time for self-growth. What do you think I can do to get him to see I have made positive changes and that we are a great match? I really think he might be the one.
Getting Closer
Dear Closer,
I’m on the fence about pets. I hear all the pros…they offer companionship, love, and teach responsibility. They are loyal and comforting. I hear the cons as well…they can be messy, expensive, and exhausting. They require consistent effort and dedication above what one might be willing to give. So, not unlike dating, I made a list of things that might be important to me and my fictional pet. Definitely soft, low maintenance, unique, and relatively inexpensive. Perhaps something quiet, that doesn’t require constant feedings, and could be an interesting conversation starter. So, I offered these characteristics to my computer, and it immediately found my perfect pet.
A tarantula.
Nope, not today.
Two Spiders Got Married. They Are Now Newlywebs
I’m so glad that you reached out. Going to singles events is hard and you were met with success. You found someone that held your interest and you continue to communicate long after that weekend. You want to date him and see a future with him, but he believes that there are things about you that you must work on first. You believe and agree with him and have diligently been making those changes. He acknowledges this but is waiting for more.
A guy who immediately suggests that you change in order to meet their approval is not someone you can keep in your life. A potential date who sees you and sees only fault, is not someone who cares about your growth. This is someone who is manipulative, unhealthy, controlling, and hurtful. He does not want to date you. He does not want to marry you. He wants to keep you as an admirer that he can call on a whim. He is NOT the one. I know this is painful to read. But you must not communicate with him anymore. You need to block his number and move on. If anyone has someone in their life that continuously points out their faults and their shortcomings, please take notice. Someone who demands change without care is not someone who will be a supportive partner. Take the time to make sure that you are emotionally healthy, work on your self-confidence, and protect the beautiful person that you are. Don’t be fooled by a tarantula. They are venomous.
