Your Opinion Matters! (Just Not To Me)

Sometimes, we need guidance and counsel. Sometimes, we can benefit greatly from advice. Yet, there are times however, when too many voices only cause chaos and pain.

Second Chances

Even when things are going well, we may have bruised feelings when we feel a stronger connection earlier that the person we are dating or feel ready before they do. We are all responsible for our own feelings. We get to decide on the risks we take with them.

Dear Dr. Yael

Covert narcissists are insecure, they can be passive aggressive and hypersensitive to criticism, but they have no problem being critical in a passive way.

Pesach Single

Time to set some boundaries. This has to be done right away before you are all gathered at the Seder table.

Dear Dr. Yael

Set realistic goals for what needs to be accomplished. It is important to focus on the most important areas such as the kitchen, dining area, and other places that chametz is generally found.

Forever Is A Long Time

It’s time to slow things down. Nothing has changed. Everything is still going smoothly. You still like each other. You still want to continue dating. The only addition, is that he is ready to discuss your future, and you are not – yet.

Dear Dr. Yael

I want you to know that you are not alone in this dilemma and drinking has made Purim a challenging Yom Tov for many women. I am not a Rav but I know there are men who do not drink on Purim and keep all the other mitzvos.

Absolutely! Totally! Probably! Maybe…

Someone is calling you to ask about this person’s character, intelligence, background, and more. They are not asking you to predict the future, to see through your crystal ball, or to decide the fate of the person they are calling you about.

Dear Dr. Yael

Understanding the cause of why your mother-in-law behaved this way may help you come to terms with it more. Underneath this venom lies a negative person who probably had a very dysfunctional childhood.

No Way, Resume

The resume is your introduction, a basic understanding of you so that potential daters (and their parents) can surmise if you might be at all compatible. Instead of fighting it, use it as a wonderful tool. This will help you to not go on dates that don’t make sense for you.

Dear Dr. Yael

In your situation, you sound like a person who wants to do chesed but you are stuck in a situation where you are dealing with a very complicated, needy person.

Happy Ever After

Go back to the shadchan and ask if they ever use tinfoil pans versus real ones. Investigate their ongoing Shabbos purchases and detect if they have ever purchased take-out or used a plastic tablecloth.

Dear Dr. Yael

The first thing you’re going to have to do is work on yourself to not be nervous when she comes as this already puts you in a mood where you feel upset and more sensitive.

A Cheap Date!

I don’t think a cup of coffee is cheap. I don’t think a walk in the park is cheap. I don’t think a date that costs zero dollars is cheap. I do think however that your FOCUS on the cost of Java really refers to the lack of FOCUS on you.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is important to be respectful and assertive. You can respectfully share your wants and feelings while considering your spouse’s wants and feelings as well.

Dating Basics

Think of questions that are both light and deeper to get to know your date as organically as possible while still focused on the goal: to see if you are compatible.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is important to realize that addressing a disrespectful boss requires a careful and strategic approach.

Can’t Catch Me

It is frustrating to go out, have a pleasant time and then hear that the other person does not want to see you again. It is even more upsetting, when this happens multiple times with multiple guys.

Dear Dr. Yael

I believe that I went into therapy with naivete, and that the psychological professionals should offer a type of disclaimer, or warning, before starting with a patient.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Woman are looking for a man. This is more than a gender – it’s character. Women want someone they can rely on, emotionally, physically, and yes, monetarily.

Dear Dr. Yael

I will share some of my ideas, however, this is no substitute for therapy.

Chemistry Lesson

If they are lucky and nothing egregious or ‘red-flaggy’ happens on that first date, they go out again hoping to ease into ‘slight unease’ on their way to ‘dating comfortably.’ This is reality.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is difficult to set boundaries, but we all have the challenge of where and how to give our maaser money. It is important that you tell your friend you love his chesed and that he is always trying to help others, but that it is hard for you to always feel you have to give to all the causes he is fighting for.

It’s Not Me, It’s You

I can’t imagine that you expect that everyone who goes on a date is immediately attracted and excited about the person they meet. I would boldly suggest that many people who go on first dates are less than thrilled about their dates’ first impression.

Dear Dr. Yael

I am printing your column with an answer in the hope that you will send this letter to your brother-in-law, and it will impact the way he is treating you, his sister, and your marriage.


At the very least, take a few minutes every day to sit quietly, to intentionally relax your muscles and to release the stress and knots that have certainly taken root under your skin.

Dear Dr. Yael

Imagine the tremendous improved relations that can occur if we truly attempt to open our minds to divergent mindsets.

Wish List

Today, daters are careful when they determine what characteristics matter to them. I hear a lot of words like, smart, outgoing, ambitious, spontaneous, and educated. These are all good words.

Dear Dr. Yael

A covert narcissist is sometimes called a vulnerable narcissist and can be emotionally fragile and very sensitive to criticism. Covert narcissists may outwardly show what looks like empathy, but their underlying purpose is to get you to engage with them so they serve their own needs in some way.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is hard to feel happy, or even content, when our brothers and sisters are hostages and others are fighting for us. But, unless we channel these feelings into davening and chesed – good deeds, they are extremely unhelpful feelings.


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