I know of toxic situations where children had to cut off from their parents and this was advice they actually received from a Rav. This is generally not the norm.
You have not asked for sympathy, guidance or their opinion. Yet, you are not sure how you can stop the onslaught without calling more negative attention to yourself.
It is sad, but true, that many young girls fall in love with abusive boys and convince themselves that out of love these boys, as husbands, will treat them well.
You are happy with the way your dates have evolved, and may even have appreciated some advice from family along the way. Somewhere, though, boundaries were lost, and solicited opinions turned into a runaway train.
It is very possible that your children do not want to burden you more than necessary, so they wait till the very last minute to come.
I imagine that despite your best effort, you feel like you are failing to connect, and the more you worry about it, the more distant and disengaged you seem.
It is also imperative that you work hard to keep the spark in your marriage alive and that you always work on communication.
It would make you feel more secure before a date to go out with someone who has been vetted and approved of by your friends and family because they know her – and not because they called her high school principal from her resume.
Beyond the idealistic lens of TikTok and the like however, their marriages may be struggling, their children may live life in “time-out” chairs, and they may subsist on day-old takeout.
In marriage if you are more loving and giving, generally the cycle of the marriage interactions become completely different.
You are an adult and are free to make your own decisions. You also present valid points that you are welcome to share with your family as they may be saddened to hear that they have made you feel uncomfortable in your childhood home.
You somehow need to see this second relationship as another chapter in your life. This does not mean that the loving years that you shared with your first husband should ever be forgotten.
My husband is a total technology junkie. He has every gadget under the sun and Baruch Hashem for Shabbat since it's the only time that we actually eat and talk as a family.
As more of your friends got married, I am sure that an even greater portion of the planning fell of your shoulders, and you graciously took on the task. Yet, you feel slighted and hurt at your friends’ lack of involvement now that it’s finally your turn.
My heart breaks for my grandchild. My children are expecting another baby in a few months and I am so frantic with worry.
Feminism, uneven expectations, and societal pressure aside, the world at large is often more comfortable with the man being older than the woman. We get you.
Sometimes people feel that if someone accepts them then there is something wrong with that person.
Building up your self-confidence, your self-love, and your self-acceptance is paramount before you go on your first date.
I find it interesting that some people, like you... look at it as a device that gives them more independence to age at home. To others it reminds them of the fact that they’re aging and are vulnerable.
Listen to yourself and the emotion that you feel when you talk about her and do your best to imagine your future together. Can you picture her as a strong and loving partner?
In my opinion, he is reckless and self righteous to think that this is how depression can be cured. Does he begin to understand that over 90% of suicides were with people who were suffering from depression?
Your best friend got married last year. She was tremendously blessed to find her zivug during such a difficult time. She likely understands this and has made peace with the small wedding she had or has planned for bigger celebrations in the future.
Communicating will strengthen your relationship and bring you closer to each other if done correctly. Remember, stay positive, non confrontational, and use “I feel” messages so your husband doesn’t feel blamed at all.
You don’t need to fly anywhere of course if you don’t want to. Perhaps, though, you can take a moment to reflect on your unwillingness to travel outside of your comfort zone.
You mentioned reluctance to give up baking because of the connection it has brought to your marriage. Maybe you can channel that passion for food into something that is healthier for both of you.
Your non-existent expectations for a home do not make her basic expectations unreasonable.
While we are visual beings, and it is natural to want to see how the person looks, the problem is that when you see the picture before you meet the person, you create a single image of who the person is.
Your praise should be realistic. Don’t say things that are obviously untrue as children can see through this and it will not feel good to them.
It can be hard to modify the picture that you had in your head when you originally thought about your future.
Her feelings of worthlessness and depression likely stem from feeling like she is diminished and a shadow of her former self.