Dear Dr. Yael

You mentioned reluctance to give up baking because of the connection it has brought to your marriage. Maybe you can channel that passion for food into something that is healthier for both of you.

Fancy Shmancy

Your non-existent expectations for a home do not make her basic expectations unreasonable.

Picture Imperfect – A Group of Shadchanim Is Pushing to Get Rid of Photos...

While we are visual beings, and it is natural to want to see how the person looks, the problem is that when you see the picture before you meet the person, you create a single image of who the person is.

Dear Dr. Yael

Your praise should be realistic. Don’t say things that are obviously untrue as children can see through this and it will not feel good to them.

Total Sum

It can be hard to modify the picture that you had in your head when you originally thought about your future.

Dear Dr. Yael

Her feelings of worthlessness and depression likely stem from feeling like she is diminished and a shadow of her former self.

Defying Differences

While a shared background might make things easier, it doesn’t mean that it is the only way.

Dear Dr. Yael

You should, as a couple, forge out “we” time where you do things together such as discuss books, art, Torah topics, or whatever you both share interest in.

Dear Dr. Yael

We can’t possibly know the mind of Hashem. We can’t even begin to speculate as to what was Hashem’s purpose in taking your friend’s husband at this time.

See You Latte!

You are responsible for yourself, your actions, and your reactions. Your behavior before the date, during the date, and after the date are under your control.

Fear of Rejection

In shidduchim, the potential for rejection exists for everyone. Those we want to date, those we ask to date, and those we are dating, all have the opportunity to say “no” should they choose to.

Dear Dr. Yael

You must share in a tone that demonstrates derech eretz to your parents that their behavior in meddling with raising your children is not helpful and is inappropriate.

Dear Dr. Yael

Maybe you can give me some words of nechama as I am frum and I know Hashem does everything for the good.

Coming to Terms

You envision someone like you at this stage of your life, and your parents likely hoped for someone who shares their original goals for you.

Dear Dr. Yael

While your educational ideas sound interesting, I am not sure how a school would be able to implement this kind of curriculum.

It’s All in The Presentation

To me, your question cannot be answered until we address your tone. Until then, this is less about your inability to see eye to eye with your parents than about your struggle to communicate properly with one another.

Dear Dr. Yael

Perhaps you can call a family meeting and start with saying that although it is a privilege for you to be able to take care of your parents, things are becoming more difficult and you feel you need more help.

Shrinking Dating Pool

You believe you are stuck because no one new seems to exist in the comfortable/uncomfortable group you belong to. To remain as you are will then likely not yield new and productive results. It’s time to switch things up.

Use Your Words

Before you allow yourself to continue on this unproductive and dangerous path, take a deep breath and refocus. Revisit the steps that got you to this point.

Dear Dr. Yael

We had a great marriage. I want to stay with her and raise our children.

Dear Dr. Yael

It appears through your letter that you may be overly critical of your loved ones. Perhaps you are distancing them as your daughter and friend had said.


Perhaps girls are conditioned to get married early and to create a family and a home so they present themselves with more enthusiasm and care.

Dear Dr. Yael

It would be a good idea to seek professional help. If your husband refuses to go for help, it would still be helpful for you to seek your own professional help to assist you in navigating your husband’s anger.

Mr. Penny Pincher

Is he helping his family financially through a difficult time and has been forced to be careful?

When Things Don’t Work Out

Take time now to heal. If that is a week, a month, or more. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as you process this experience.

Dear Dr. Yael

Congratulations! You have decided to start a business and feel pumped, but you realized that marketing yourself is a big role in getting clients.

Picture This!

I’m sure we can all agree that asking for a picture doesn’t stem from a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone prior to a date.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is important to validate your daughter’s feelings and tell her that this behavior was unacceptable.

Dear Dr. Yael

Once he understood the importance of respecting authority, he began to listen more appropriately to his Rebbeim, teachers, and the Menahel, understanding that they ultimately are seeking to help him succeed in life.

(Not So) Great Expectations

Leading however, with the notion that you are dating below your standards, or beneath your “criteria” is certainly something that your dates would feel.


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