Marriage and Relationships

Don’t say things to yourself that you would not say to a good friend. Be understanding, gentle, accepting, and loving to yourself as you would with someone else that you care about.

You family has done you a disservice in not being more transparent about the money that they earn to afford the lifestyle that they have raised you in and the effort that it takes for them to get there. Life in expensive.

Meira in Hebrew means giving light and our beautiful Meira was a light so bright, who during her young life, managed to chase away the darkness of her challenges to inspire her family, friends and community.

Perhaps though, decide to rely on Hashem and relinquish the power you are clinging to with shaky hands. Tell your parents that you would like to discuss the option of your sister dating as well and surrender your role as gatekeeper to a greater master plan.

It is OK to mention my child to me. In fact, as I wrote above, it comforts me.

Take a moment to catalogue the net you have cast in shidduchim. Have you only reached out to people in your community, your state, or your exact upbringing? Consider widening the net to include a broader scale of possibilities.

The first thing I would recommend is for you and your husband to make some extra time for your marriage. Going out together, without any children, does wonders for that dimming spark, as you and your husband will be able to just enjoy each other without all of the distractions of daily life.

I know that this will be uncomfortable for you to hear and will not offer you the satisfaction and peace of mind that you crave, but I need you to stay in your own lane. Unless you or your chosson are contributing financially to the wedding, this is not your business.

I know that people really mean well. So next time you pay a shiva call, think before you go - How can I make the person and or people sitting shiva feel more comfortable?

It might be prudent to explore why you have kept this secret. Sometimes we are conditioned to be ashamed, embarrassed, and diminished by those who love us best because they worry about shidduchim, or perceived judgment they imagine you will face.

Relationships are complicated. Children react differently to their parents. Unfortunately in many situations that I work with, the in-law children sometimes influence their spouses to have less derech eretz for their parents.

Many couples in your circle will get married and build loving and successful lives together. They are the waves we can rely on. They reassure us and give us hope for ourselves.

Unfortunately, often parents can raise many children while many children cannot always care for their parents properly. It is so important that those who are suffering have a support group to turn to to help them through this difficult time period.

If a kallah was writing with this question about her chosson, I believe that there would be little to no pushback. A girl is allowed to notice clothing, but a guy is not?

I know that we have little control in our life other than how we will handle the challenges that Hashem gives us. We can only work on ourselves.

Sometimes we want something so much that we negate things that typically matter to us.

Perhaps you can ask directly for more help from your other siblings. Share with them how much you would appreciate their direct help as your one sister does.

I agree that a six-week break so early in your dating process is complicated and perhaps even unrealistic. When your connection is still so tenuous and new, it can be hard to nurture it with six weeks dividing you.

Every situation is different. Also, it is important to try to remember that your children may still love you, even if they don’t come for the holidays. Perhaps they have more difficult children or really need more space for whatever reason.

It is true that if you date your friend’s brother and it doesn’t work, even with care and respect, it is unlikely that your friendship would be unaffected. He is her brother, her family, and as much as she loves you, there is great potential for awkwardness at the very least, and even a ruined friendship.

I tell you this story as a way of giving you chizuk to do what is not simple.

I appreciate your position. I really do. At the same time, the chance (even the small chance) that this could be your happily ever after means that you need to try.

Of course, you both feel torn when faced with their concerns. They are your parents and you are conditioned to agree with them. At the same time, their disagreements are not yours, and are creating painful conflict between a couple that otherwise feels just right.

You will ultimately work less hard if your children and grandchildren are involved. Complimenting them for helping you will also build their self-esteem. Additionally, they will learn how to deal more effectively with their own children if you delegate tasks to your children and demonstrate appreciation.

If you are asking me if being happy is a bad thing, I couldn’t possibly disagree. If you are wondering if I believe in being mindful and present, then the answer is of course, ‘yes.’

For those of you who are dating, I ask you to try not to marry someone with the hope of changing them. A healthy marriage can help someone grow emotionally, spiritually and bolster someone’s self-esteem.

A reputation is something that someone builds over time, so we can trust that this is going to give us a better understanding of their true character and behavior.

I applaud your attitude as you seem to appreciate all the brachos that Hashem gave you as well as treasure all the good years in your marriage. We can all learn from your positive attitude in life.

It is possible that there is something you are missing when it comes to his family, and it is equally probable that whatever has caused their disconnect will assure you of his commitment to an emotional connection and his stability.

I do not know what kind of childhood your husband had, however, if you want to make this marriage work, you must try to focus on his positive qualities instead of his negative issues. I know this is easier said than done.