Dear Dr. Yael

Compliments are gifts of love, but they only work if they are sincere and are given freely, without coercion.

Diet For Dates

Sure, I would not be so glib as to deny that our appearance and even size matter in shidduchim. Perhaps there is even a point in being mindful of what we eat regardless of size or weight. Yet, this question impacts you as a whole, your life, and your goals that supersedes dating.

Dear Dr. Yael

Is your wife using the silent treatment as a manipulation tactic or is she using it because she doesn’t know how to talk about her feelings?

The Feels

Be vulnerable. This can feel scary at first, but it is the only way that you will know if you are dating someone worthy of your trust and love.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is a good idea to start with giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Some people truly do not realize that they interrupt others often, thus if you frame your words objectively, you are more likely to produce behavioral change.

Time Traveler

I would argue that finding your bashert trumps sightseeing and as far as I am aware, couples are still allowed on planes, not just singles.

Dear Dr. Yael

Black and white thinking is considered to be a cognitive distortion by psychologists because it stops people from seeing life as it truly is, complex, uncertain, and always changing.

Bride Pride

It is infectious and we become transfixed by our screens, and laugh and cry at the weddings of strangers who understand so clearly that a wedding is about marriage, love, and the future.

Dear Dr. Yael

In order to deal with the anxiety you are feeling, you need to identify what you are thinking. You are likely having anxious thoughts. These thoughts are probably swimming around your mind all day and are exacerbating your anxious feelings.

The Minimizer

Dearest Minimizers, please, I beg you, listen to me. We know that there are varied levels of sorrow. But our pain counts. It matters, and it should be acknowledged.

Dear Dr. Yael

Treatment for emotional detachment depends on the reason that is happening. It is important to seek professional help to see why you are having difficulty connecting to others.

Read The Room

It is specifically during sorrow that we feel happiness so acutely. It is then that we truly understand how precious joy can be. How fleeting it can be. We can see blessings so clearly and know that they are gifts that must be cherished.

Dear Dr. Yael

Notice the positive in your life. When you take time to notice positive moments in your day, your experience of that day becomes more positive.

Dear Dr. Yael

Once someone learns how to manage their time, they often find that they have more time for things that they enjoy doing. Additionally, when you manage your time effectively you are generally more productive, less stressed, and have more energy.

Number One

When mazel and bracha are offered to you, say YES. Do not pass on a first. This is dismissing a gift that has been presented to you.


When we face hardship, we often refocus on what is necessary and right and leave pettiness behind. Perhaps now we can take to heart the objective that dating has always had- to get married and to build a bayit ne’eman b’yisrael.

Dear Dr. Yael

It would also be helpful for you to go outside of your comfort zone and try new things. The more you broaden your social circle, the more people you will meet, and while you will not be best friends with everyone you meet, you will have more people to hang out with.

Dear Dr. Yael

As you described, too much comparison leads to unhappiness and low self-esteem. It can also lead to feelings of frustration, jealousy, and hopelessness.

Flight Plan

Dating is a commitment. Both parties need to be fully invested and focused on connection, advancement, and the future. When things are going well, this is even more important. Taking an extended break now, can deter the progress that you have made.

Dear Dr. Yael

As your fathers’s cognitive function continues to decline, his daily life will change. It’s important to create a routine to help reduce confusion and disorientation.

Mi Casa Su Casa

When your family, the shadchan, or a friend, offers you information about a potential match - inquire about her home life and the type of house she grew up in.

Dear Dr. Yael

Only use your bed for sleep, so your body knows what to expect when you’re in bed.

Chai Maintenance

There are a million reasons why a wife must forego “extras” because they are not able to cover the cost. But this is not low maintenance or high maintenance. This is life as we hope to work toward more comforts in the future.

Dear Dr. Yael

Building a relationship is a skill. If it’s something you need to work on, you can easily improve.

Single And Ready To Mingle

You are now a girl in shidduchim. This means that everywhere you go and anyone you meet has the potential to help you or hinder you.

Dear Dr. Yael

Even just deciding you will work on the task for 15-30 min can help kickstart the activity and prevent more procrastination.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is imperative to keep in mind that whatever is happening, Hashem runs the world and whatever happens in your life is part of a bigger plan.

Yankel And Leah – Conclusion

A woman is a woman not for nothing. They desire. Perhaps more than we do. They are trying to wake themselves up, or us. It is not the way, but remember: They want to please us too.

Dear Dr. Yael

Most people who procrastinate usually don’t want to, though sometimes we procrastinate doing a non-preferred task or a task that we feel is boring, frustrating or unpleasant.

Yankel And Leah – Chapter 31

Is it really forbidden, such a thing? I don’t take such a dim view of your father, as you know. Yes, he’s impossibly cheap and self-centered, but he wants to live.


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