“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.”
– Robert Louis Stevenson
Reaching out to a therapist for the first time can be an emotional mix of hope, fear, and vulnerability. Whether you’ve been thinking about it for weeks or made the call on a gut instinct, it’s a courageous step. But once you’re on the phone with your potential therapist, what should you actually ask?
This initial conversation is your opportunity to gather information and, more importantly, to begin to sense if this therapist might be the right fit for you.
Think of this call as a mutual exploration. You’re not just a passive recipient of information; you’re actively engaging in the process of finding someone who can support you on your journey.
The Most Important Thing: The Therapeutic Relationship
Before diving into logistics or modalities, try to tune into how you feel on the call. Do you feel heard? Do you sense that the therapist is present and thoughtful in their responses? Even a short call can offer clues about the potential relationship.
Therapy works best when there’s trust, safety, and a sense that you’re in the hands of someone who gets it. The modality – the specific “brand” of therapy – matters far less than the quality of the relationship you build with your therapist. In fact, research consistently shows that the therapeutic relationship is the strongest predictor of positive outcomes in therapy.
Good Questions to Ask (and Why)
“What is your experience working with [mention your primary concern, e.g., anxiety, relationship issues, trauma]?” This helps you understand the therapist’s specific areas of expertise and whether they have a solid background in addressing what brings you to therapy. You want to know if they have a track record of helping people with similar challenges.
“What is your general approach to therapy?” This allows the therapist to briefly describe their theoretical orientation (e.g., psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, humanistic). While you don’t need a deep dive into theory, understanding their general framework can give you a sense of how they work.
“What are your fees and do you accept my insurance or offer a sliding scale?” Practicalities are important. Knowing the financial commitment upfront avoids surprises and ensures therapy is accessible to you.
“What is your availability?” This is a straightforward but crucial question. You need to know if their schedule aligns with yours.
“What is your cancellation policy?” Understanding the therapist’s policies regarding missed or canceled sessions is essential for managing expectations.
“Do you offer an initial consultation session, and if so, what is the fee?” Many therapists offer a brief, often lower-cost, initial session to meet in person (or virtually) and see if you feel comfortable working together. This is a valuable opportunity for a more in-depth conversation.
“What can I expect in our first session?” This helps ease any anxiety about the unknown and gives you a glimpse into their process.
“Do you have supervision?” Asking the therapist about supervision is important because it ensures they are practicing ethically and receiving ongoing guidance from experienced professionals. This process helps them identify blind spots, refine their skills, and ultimately provide you with a higher quality of care. It demonstrates their commitment to professional development and offers an indirect layer of support for your therapeutic journey.
The Most Important Question (Even if Unspoken)
Beyond the specific questions, pay close attention to how the therapist responds. Do they listen attentively? Do they answer your questions clearly and respectfully? Do you feel a sense of warmth and genuine interest? This initial interaction provides crucial clues about their communication style and how you might feel in a therapy session with them.
Questions to Approach with Caution (and Why)
“What should I do about [a specific problem] right now?” While it’s natural to seek immediate relief, a brief phone call isn’t the space for in-depth problem-solving or advice-giving. Therapy is a process, and this initial call is about assessing fit, not receiving immediate solutions.
“Can you guarantee that I will feel better by [a specific timeframe]?” Therapy is a deeply personal journey with no guaranteed outcomes or timelines. A therapist who makes such promises might be raising a red flag. Focus instead on their approach and experience.
Providing an exhaustive life history: While you’ll share your story in therapy, the initial call is for gathering essential information and gauging connection. Keep your explanation of why you’re seeking therapy concise.
The Pitfalls of Pre-Determining Your Therapy Modality
You might have done your research and feel strongly that a specific type of therapy (like EFT, CBT or IFS) is what you need. While being informed is helpful, it’s crucial to remain open. Here’s why rigidly sticking to a particular modality before meeting a therapist can be limiting:
The Therapeutic Relationship is Paramount: Research consistently shows that the quality of the relationship between you and your therapist is the most significant factor in successful therapy. A strong connection with a therapist who uses a different modality might be far more beneficial than a strained relationship with someone who practices your preferred method.
Therapists Integrate Approaches: Many experienced therapists are integrative, meaning they draw upon various therapeutic approaches based on your individual needs. They might incorporate elements of different modalities, making a strict label less relevant.
You Might Not Know What You Truly Need: Sometimes, what we think we need isn’t actually the most helpful approach. A skilled therapist can assess your situation and recommend the most appropriate treatment, which might surprise you.
Focus on Connection and Trust
Ultimately, the initial phone call should help you answer these fundamental questions for yourself:
Do I feel safe and comfortable talking to this person?
Do I sense that they are genuinely listening and understanding?
Do I believe they have the knowledge and capability to help me?
Do I believe that my therapist is professional and will keep professional boundaries and confidentiality?
These feelings of safety, trust, and confidence in your therapist’s competence are the cornerstones of a successful therapeutic relationship. This relationship is the fertile ground where healing and growth can take place.
So, take a deep breath, prepare a few thoughtful questions, and trust your instincts during that initial phone call. It’s the first step in a potentially transformative journey, and finding the right person to walk alongside you is key.
