Chapter Eight
Anxiety Strikes
In previous installments, we explored the psychological link between the quality of our choices and the strength of our bitachon. Now, we’ll draw on cutting-edge research and practical tools to tackle fear and anxiety in real time—step by step. What to do, how to do it.
Let’s dive in!
The Nesivos Shalom outlines two types of bitachon: inactive and proactive. Inactive bitachon applies when there is nothing we can actively do. In these moments, our avodah (“spiritual task”) is simply to trust that whatever happens is for our ultimate good. The mon (“manna from Heaven”) serves as the prime example of this form of bitachon. Every day, B’nei Yisrael had to rely on Hashem to provide their sustenance, without hoarding or attempting to control the outcome.
In such situations, we’re vulnerable to anxiety, wondering, “What will happen?” and “How will I manage?” We are not referring to acts of teshuvah, tefillah, and tzedakah, which we will also discuss, as they can indeed influence the outcome.
Conversely, Kerias Yam Suf exemplifies proactive bitachon, where trust requires action. B’nei Yisrael were trapped—an army behind them, an ocean before them. But the sea didn’t split until Nachshon ben Aminadav walked straight into the water, demonstrating complete trust in Hashem. According to Or HaChaim and others, this moment called for immediate action rather than prayer. In moments like these, fear creeps in with questions like, “What if I fail?” and “Am I good enough?”
This distinction is crucial. Anxiety and fear are distinct phenomena, each with unique origins and requiring different strategies for management. Anxiety prompts us to anticipate future dangers and imagine worst-case scenarios that might never occur. In contrast, fear is a reaction to a known threat that usually subsides once the threat is removed or conquered. Both anxiety and fear can breach bitachon, and while they often overlap, they are overcome differently. Let’s begin with anxiety.
The Protocol: Phase I
This dynamic plays out clearly in anxiety-driven behaviors—especially when no real action is required or even helpful. These are precisely the moments that call for inactive bitachon, yet the ego’s intolerance for uncertainty pushes us in the opposite direction.
When we feel anxious, we instinctively do whatever provides relief. It’s a natural reaction. If I worry that I may have left the gas on the stove, then checking alleviates my anxiety. But what if I check the gas and then question myself again—Am I completely certain that the gas is off? No. I remember checking, of course, but it’s possible that I thought it was off when it was not. Flashes of horrible images intensify the dread. The ego’s solution is to check it again—not because the threat is real, but because it cannot tolerate not knowing.
Our behavior alleviates the anxiety and provides relief—until it no longer does. The ego’s inability to tolerate uncertainty makes us question ourselves yet again. We recall that uncertainty triggers anxiety, and the greater the ego, the poorer our ability to tolerate uncertainty. In doing so, our behavior exacerbates the anxiety. We create a flawed association between cause and effect: I check the stove, and I feel less anxious. Like drinking salt water, we feel as if we are quenching our thirst—but we become more dehydrated in the process.
Similarly, someone with OCD may repeatedly check that the door is locked or engage in ritualistic behaviors to feel safe. But rather than resolving the anxiety, these actions offer only momentary relief—ultimately reinforcing the underlying fear and increasing long-term feelings of insecurity and helplessness.
Anxiety-management techniques often fail because, once the fight-flight-freeze reflex is activated, reason and rationality go offline. The amygdala (“the fear and anxiety response center”) operates independently and cannot be directly accessed or controlled. In such states, intelligence becomes irrelevant and logical arguments prove ineffective, as the connection to the prefrontal cortex (“the thinking brain”) and to higher levels of thought is disrupted.
The Step-By-Step Approach
Our approach is rooted in a self-regulation strategy called “if-then.” The rule is that if X happens (e.g., negative thoughts arise), then I will do Y (e.g., follow a pre-planned protocol). The if-then structure trains the brain to link a specific trigger (X) with a predetermined response (Y), so that when X occurs, Y happens automatically. This pre-programming removes the need to think or decide in the moment—reducing hesitation and enabling an immediate, instinctive shift into action when negativity arises.
This strategy is effective because it taps into deep psychological processes, as the brain begins to hardwire these two events together. With practice, it becomes second nature, integrated into muscle memory, and executed instinctively. Muscle memory is a form of procedural memory—an unconscious, long-term memory system that enables us to perform tasks with little to no conscious effort.
There’s a lot to unpack here—and in the next installment, we’ll dive straight into Step 1: how to interrupt anxiety before it hijacks your mind. You’ll learn exactly how to short-circuit the cycle before it starts, and how to train your brain to respond with clarity and control—no matter what life throws your way!
(To be continued)
