Part II: How do I find the right therapist?
This part is going to be really short. You know you’ve found the right therapist if you like her and feel you can trust her. And that’s a judgment you can make pretty quickly, usually after two sessions. But there’s more stuff to tell you.
Believe it or not, some schools actually have therapists or guidance counselors on staff. Somewhere in your building, there is an office where the guidance counselor sits and you can just knock on the door and talk to her. If she’s busy, she will definitely tell you what time you can see her, or she will call you out of class, if that’s okay with you. If you are having some stuff going on in school, she can be the liaison to your teachers or principal or help work things out with friends. She can also help with issues going on at home. You can talk to her if you’d like, or she can help you find a therapist outside of school if that makes you feel more comfortable.
Usually, your parent or teacher, or someone else who cares about you, is going to help you find a therapist. What they need to find is someone who is licensed because being a therapist is a specialized job.
Your parents need to find someone who works specifically with teens, and if relevant, someone who specializes in the problem you specifically have. You can also find out about therapists by calling RELIEF or someone you trust like a rav, teacher or mentor.
You also need to think about what is important to you. Do you want someone from your community or do you want someone specifically not from your neighborhood? Is the location important because you want to be able to get there by yourself without having your parent drive you, or because you want to make sure it’s an office that’s situated so that no one sees you going in there? If you care about privacy, go to an agency or private therapist outside of your neighborhood. And if you meet your classmate in the waiting room, you are both not telling anyone anyway.
When you meet the therapist for the first time, you need to ask tough questions like how does she plan on helping you. Don’t be afraid to ask her about her licensing and credentials. You need to ask her the most important question of all: How does confidentiality work? If you are under 18, legally your parents are allowed to talk to the therapist and find out what you tell her. They can even sign a release that allows her to talk to your teachers about you! You need to make sure you like her answers about confidentiality and feel you will be protected in her office, even if you are under 18. (If you are 18 or older, even if your parents are paying for therapy, the therapist is legally not allowed to divulge any information you tell her. If she does, you can report her and she can lose her license to practice!).
Part III: How does therapy work?
Whoa. Loaded question. I will try to make it simple. Talking clarifies the problems either you are having or others decided they are having with you. Sometimes the talking itself can lead to change that makes everyone happy. Therapists use a special type of talking that may feel like regular shmoozing, but has many layers that help a person identify and tackle his or her problems.
Then there is behavioral work in therapy. If there is a specific behavior that bothers you, like excessive eating, excessive studying, fear of flying or leaving the house, anxiety, or anything else, therapy can target that behavior in a special way and help you get rid of it.