Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I am very perturbed. You may call me old fashioned, a fuddy duddy, or any other name young people attribute to older people, but what I see as I observe life around me during the warm days of summer has nothing to do with age. It has to do with neglect and convenience.
I live in a community where there is a lovely park and in the summer I spend most of my days sitting there, feeding the birds and watching the living movie that plays out around me. Now, understand that I am a 92-year-old gentleman who still gets around on my own, though I do manage my affairs a bit slower than I did when I was in my fifties. I have spent almost twenty summers sitting in this park observing and watching, and what I see now is heartbreaking. The times they have changed, and the people who frequent the park have changed as well. Years ago, you had young mothers with carriages and toddlers enjoying the park and it was a pleasure to spend time there. They kept the place clean, teaching their little ones to pick up after themselves, and to be mindful of the older people they might bump into if they weren’t careful running and jumping around. These young mothers were a joy to speak with and always polite and pleasant. Yet, little by little that group vanished.
In their place, came women bearing no resemblance to the charges they are obviously paid to watch over. These maids, babysitters or whatever you choose to call them, sit around in large groups and speak in a strange language that the little children they should be watching obviously do not understand. The little tykes are left to run about without being reined in. I have seen these women unpack tins with prepared foods and eat without feeding the children. Only when the kids cry uncontrollably from hunger or thirst are they attended to and given junk food and snacks in place of nutritious food. During the summer I have seen toddlers running about in soiled diapers, it’s hard to mistake the smell, and once when a little guy was screaming in pain from sitting in his waste for hours, I took it upon myself to approach the group of attendants to make them aware that this child was in pain and needed to be cleaned and changed. They all started laughing at me and one of them told me to shut up and mind my own business.
The park is no longer a tranquil, peaceful place to think and reflect. It has become a dumping ground for snack wrappers and fruit peels that attract all manner of bugs, flies and critters, which poses a health hazard for all in attendance. In fact, just last week I saw a squirrel jump on a sleeping baby in his carriage; had the child not begun to shriek and scare it off, I can only imagine the result. These maids pay no mind to their charges or care about the environment.
Where have all the mothers gone? When you bring a child into the world, is it not a mother’s (or father’s) responsibility to care and raise it? When did it become the norm to allow strangers to raise them?
Besides the issue I have raised above, I am also concerned for the children’s safety. I have seen toddlers hit in the head with balls because they wandered off onto the ball field during a game, and others move into the path of swings or fall off the slide. It is a wonder there has not yet been a fatality, heaven forbid.
I decided to reach out to you because you offer me a vehicle by which to warn the parents who hire these women. I want them to be aware that they have placed their children in danger.
I’ve said my piece, there’s nothing left to do now but hope that at least a few mothers will listen to what I’ve said and go back to being mothers who care for their young and supply them babies with the love, nurturing and guidance. That is what they need to become responsible, caring, and respectful human beings. Because, from my vantage point on a park bench, if you don’t, who will you blame when they become useless, abusive and entitled adults?
Dear Friend,
Yes, so much has changed! The days when mothers stayed home and mentored their young has become a thing of the past. The era of fathers going off to work so that their wives could stay home and keep the homefront safe and secure, raising their young and preparing a hot meal for them when they returned home at night are history. Sadly, many women have had to join their husbands in the work force to be able to cover the expenses that keep growing while paychecks do not. This necessitates an outsider being brought in to care for those at home, even if her salary takes a chunk of the wages.
Yes, you are absolutely right that the children will suffer neglect, physical or emotional, at the hands of these strange caretakers. Yes, there will be ramifications to lack of parental supervision and mentoring, because no one else cares enough to do it the way it needs to be done by the parents themselves. And yes, the absence of demonstrative love, encouragement and involvement that only a parent can provide, will most certainly have an effect on how the child evolves, his/her self-esteem, social skills and understanding of right and wrong.
So, good friend, I truly understand your concern that parents are irreplaceable, but what choice do parents who rely on two incomes have?
Here’s a solution that may work for at least some of the working couple – grandparents and/or relatives who love your kids almost as much as you do. If that is not an option, there could be neighbors and local “bubbies” who value your friendship and share your views and ideals and who would be happy to make a little extra money while helping you by looking after your little ones. Outside of this solution there is only one more choice left. Quit the job and begin working on being the best mother you can to your precious children. I understand you will have to possibly do without many things, and cut corners, yet, it will prove well worth the effort. There is really no substitute for a mother or a father, no matter how great the inconvenience or how hard the effort. What you will invest in your children will enrich you in later years. What you withhold from them now may yield only sadness and regret.
Dear friend, I hope I have helped you get your message across. You are a caring and concerned person who wants only the best for these little ones you see in the park. I’m sorry I can’t help you on the cleanliness front; children make messes no matter who’s watching them. I hope you’re able to sit back and enjoy the park until you are 120 years old, under your own steam, in good health and with nachas ruach. I’m glad to have partnered with you in helping to make my readership aware of what you see, and hopefully secure a happy and healthy childhood for all our kinderlach.