Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I am writing to you about a situation my family is facing, one so tragic it doesn’t seem as if there can be a solution in sight.
We were always so close, loving to each other, caring and helpful.
Suddenly, one of my sisters, married with a family of her own, accused one of our brother-in-laws of acting in an inappropriate way when she was younger. Why she revealed this information now is a mystery. He denies the allegations and this has split our family in two. Some side with her, including our mother, and others, including our father, side with him. Our parents are now estranged from each other.
I want nothing more than to have my family back intact. Mrs. Bluth, is that possible? Is it possible that one of them is lying?
I can’t believe that something like this happened in my wonderful family. I love everyone and am devastated. I know you are in contact with rabbonim and professionals, perhaps you can present this problem to them, and possibly, they can come up with a way that can lead to a solution.
Dear Friend,
Having read your letter, I can honestly tell you that you are, very sadly, not alone. Many of the letters we receive are about tight-knit families facing horrible and tragic rifts. However, this knowledge does little to help your plight and certainly does not make it any easier for you to deal with.
Family division differs with each family, so the broad-stroked answer you may be seeking for your individual family problems may or may not apply to anyone else. Also, given the vague information you supply, makes it all but impossible for me to know why this happened and whether or not anyone is being evasive.
What it is clear from your letter is that you have taken it upon yourself to try to make peace. I give you a great thumbs up for that effort, but at the same time, I must warn you that you are venturing into an area filled with hidden traps and quicksand. As I see it, the only fact truly in evidence here is that you really have no facts, just a desire to fix.
At the moment all you know is that this woman came forward, quite suddenly, claiming that her brother-in-law abused her when they were both much younger. Which begs the question you prudently posed… why now? He denies it, but offers no reason why she would be framing him (if it is not true), or what his excuse is for being framed (if it might be true). From where I’m sitting, true or not, someone did something to someone to warrant such a slanderous, ruinous accusation. At this point, all reason ends unless someone can find out what really caused this bad blood between these two people. Then and only then can one begin to attempt to resolve this situation and begin the healing process for the whole family.
That’s about all I can offer you at this point, as we are all playing detective. In order to solve a situation, you have to know what the problem is, otherwise, I’m afraid you’re flying blind and everyone, or anyone, is suspect.
Just so you understand, families are collective entities comprised of individuals with different views, ideas and values, and that’s just the immediate members of one blood family. We haven’t factored into the mix the family members by marriage (in-laws), which can greatly alter the odds of the dynamics for peaceful, cohesive co-existence. I truly empathize with you and wish you hatzlocha in this effort. Just be prudently cautious in how you proceed, so that you don’t become part of the problem.