web analytics
July 1, 2015 / 14 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Asking For A Fight

Schmutter-110813

Actually, they’ll probably meet sometime during the summer first.  But this definitely won’t happen in your lifetime, especially if you show up without Chanukah presents.

Maybe you should just go to the stores when you can.  Stores have regular sales every week, and things are not that much more expensive.  It’s better than waiting in really long lines to get into stores to wait in more really long lines and get into fistfights to save a couple of dollars.

“No.  I wouldn’t be working then anyway.  It’s 3 in the morning.”

But the truth is that you have plenty of stuff around your house that you keep accumulating more and more of, but is absolutely useless.  Even if one or two of something is useful, you’re never going to use fifty thousand of them.  But just because these things are useless to you doesn’t mean you can’t give them to your friends and family.  For example, you can give out a nice assortment of hotel soaps.

There are other options too.  Just tastefully arrange a collection of any one of these things in one of the ever-growing number of decorative mishloach manos baskets you have accumulating around your house that you can’t re-gift because everyone you know knows exactly who gave out these baskets last year:

Bentchers. You can’t fit enough people in your house to use as many bentchers as you have.  What, are you just going to give them out at your next kid’s wedding?

Dreidels.  Your kids keep coming home with dreidels, and you only play the game once over the entire course of Chanukah – on the ninth night, right before chassidishe shkiyah.

Reusable cloth bags.  Every business gives them out at conventions now, even though – and follow me closely here – all bags are reusable.  The only difference is that cloth bags don’t make embarrassing crinkling sounds.

Those little paring knives that you get for free when you watch a demonstration at Kmart.

Vintage magazines.

Chopsticks.  Every restaurant gives out chopsticks with their sushi, as if you don’t have any chopsticks at home, and you take them.  You might as well, because you just paid well over a dollar a bite for six pre-made bites of fish.  Are they actually disposable?  But then what are non-disposable chopsticks made out of?  Metal?  They’re just two barbecue skewers?  No one throws out their old chopsticks after they use them.  They can’t be any worse than that wooden spoon they give out for bedikas chometz, which reminds me:

That wooden spoon they give out for bedikas chometz.

The big box of single socks.  There are plenty of things people can do with your socks, such as use them as cleaning rags or make puppets, and you’re not going to do anything with them, because you’re still holding onto the slim hope that someday their significant others will come home.

Ketchup and soy sauce packets.  Also those little jellies they give you in the hospital.  Either the jellies are too small or the bread is too big.  Who uses so little jelly?  Is this in case I want to make one donut?

Calendars from different tzedakkah organizations.

Your kids. You have way too many of these lying around the house, and they’re pretty much useless.  All they do is make noise and fight.  So why not give them to your loved ones?

 

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?”  Put it with the others.  We’ll find a use for it.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Asking For A Fight”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
investing-in-gold_4548807_lrg
What Sanctions? Iran Receives 13 Tons of Gold From S. Africa
Latest Sections Stories

Anna Henriques, who hopes to one day head back to Jamaica, says, “Rabbi Raskin must be willing to respect what exists in Jamaica. The way to the future is to gently bring in the traditions of the past and at the same time embrace the idiosyncrasies of the Jamaican people.”

Food-Talk---Eller-logo

The Silver Platter has it all: gorgeous photography, oodles of useful tips and, more importantly, incredible recipes that you will find yourself making again and again.

Emmer-052915-History

It may be that seeking to connect with the past is rooted in the impermanence and impersonality of modern life.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

Everyone in the kehilla can get involved, she added, and mothers can network with each other.

On her first ever trip to Israel last week, popular radio talk-show personality and clinical psychologist Dr. Joy Browne, whose spirited broadcasts regularly attract millions of listeners across North America, paid a visit to OneFamily headquarters in Jerusalem in order to learn more about the physical and emotional challenges faced by victims of terror in […]

With the famous Touro Synagogue, a variety of mansions, each with its own distinct personality, as well as the beautiful coast, Rhode Island makes for an excellent vacation spot.

To avoid all this waste and unnecessary anxiety, let’s break the task down step by step and tackle each one at a time.

While there are those who insist they need full-color photos to be truly entranced by a recipe, I suggest you get over that particular requirement because the written word here will draw you in and cause you to salivate as you peruse the recipes scattered throughout The Well-Spiced Life (Israel Book Shop).

For those who couldn’t go off base, a personal parcel was priceless in its ability to convey a feeling of home.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-M-NEW-logo

Wait. Why would I give you 22 minutes first? How about you give me the world, and then I give you the 22 minutes.

Schmutter-050815

For the most part, though, people tend to base their decision on how long the lines in the store are going to be.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

So generally, I dance for a few minutes and then stand off to the side with all the other people who don’t dance and feel like they have to make conversation, even though that’s when the music is the loudest.

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/asking-for-a-fight/2013/11/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: