web analytics
September 23, 2014 / 28 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Asking For A Fight

Schmutter-110813

Actually, they’ll probably meet sometime during the summer first.  But this definitely won’t happen in your lifetime, especially if you show up without Chanukah presents.

Maybe you should just go to the stores when you can.  Stores have regular sales every week, and things are not that much more expensive.  It’s better than waiting in really long lines to get into stores to wait in more really long lines and get into fistfights to save a couple of dollars.

“No.  I wouldn’t be working then anyway.  It’s 3 in the morning.”

But the truth is that you have plenty of stuff around your house that you keep accumulating more and more of, but is absolutely useless.  Even if one or two of something is useful, you’re never going to use fifty thousand of them.  But just because these things are useless to you doesn’t mean you can’t give them to your friends and family.  For example, you can give out a nice assortment of hotel soaps.

There are other options too.  Just tastefully arrange a collection of any one of these things in one of the ever-growing number of decorative mishloach manos baskets you have accumulating around your house that you can’t re-gift because everyone you know knows exactly who gave out these baskets last year:

Bentchers. You can’t fit enough people in your house to use as many bentchers as you have.  What, are you just going to give them out at your next kid’s wedding?

Dreidels.  Your kids keep coming home with dreidels, and you only play the game once over the entire course of Chanukah – on the ninth night, right before chassidishe shkiyah.

Reusable cloth bags.  Every business gives them out at conventions now, even though – and follow me closely here – all bags are reusable.  The only difference is that cloth bags don’t make embarrassing crinkling sounds.

Those little paring knives that you get for free when you watch a demonstration at Kmart.

Vintage magazines.

Chopsticks.  Every restaurant gives out chopsticks with their sushi, as if you don’t have any chopsticks at home, and you take them.  You might as well, because you just paid well over a dollar a bite for six pre-made bites of fish.  Are they actually disposable?  But then what are non-disposable chopsticks made out of?  Metal?  They’re just two barbecue skewers?  No one throws out their old chopsticks after they use them.  They can’t be any worse than that wooden spoon they give out for bedikas chometz, which reminds me:

That wooden spoon they give out for bedikas chometz.

The big box of single socks.  There are plenty of things people can do with your socks, such as use them as cleaning rags or make puppets, and you’re not going to do anything with them, because you’re still holding onto the slim hope that someday their significant others will come home.

Ketchup and soy sauce packets.  Also those little jellies they give you in the hospital.  Either the jellies are too small or the bread is too big.  Who uses so little jelly?  Is this in case I want to make one donut?

Calendars from different tzedakkah organizations.

Your kids. You have way too many of these lying around the house, and they’re pretty much useless.  All they do is make noise and fight.  So why not give them to your loved ones?

 

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?”  Put it with the others.  We’ll find a use for it.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Asking For A Fight”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
EyalGiladNaftali
BREAKING: Kidnappers/Killers of Naftali, Eyal and Gilad Killed in Shootout
Latest Sections Stories
Calmer Times. Breslov chassidim on erev Rosh Hashanah in 2012 at the grave of Rav Nachman in Uman.

As optimistic as Menachem Rosenberg is – and he said he is going to Uman – he’s sure that this year, most of the travelers will not tour other religious sites or places in Ukraine.

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

Not enjoying saying no, I often succumbed to requests viewing them as demands I couldn’t refuse.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-logo-NEW

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

Schmutter-080814-Socks

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Dear Mordechai,

Someone gave me a gift that I don’t like. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

You Shouldn’t Have

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/asking-for-a-fight/2013/11/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: