web analytics
December 21, 2014 / 29 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Asking For A Fight

Schmutter-110813

Actually, they’ll probably meet sometime during the summer first.  But this definitely won’t happen in your lifetime, especially if you show up without Chanukah presents.

Maybe you should just go to the stores when you can.  Stores have regular sales every week, and things are not that much more expensive.  It’s better than waiting in really long lines to get into stores to wait in more really long lines and get into fistfights to save a couple of dollars.

“No.  I wouldn’t be working then anyway.  It’s 3 in the morning.”

But the truth is that you have plenty of stuff around your house that you keep accumulating more and more of, but is absolutely useless.  Even if one or two of something is useful, you’re never going to use fifty thousand of them.  But just because these things are useless to you doesn’t mean you can’t give them to your friends and family.  For example, you can give out a nice assortment of hotel soaps.

There are other options too.  Just tastefully arrange a collection of any one of these things in one of the ever-growing number of decorative mishloach manos baskets you have accumulating around your house that you can’t re-gift because everyone you know knows exactly who gave out these baskets last year:

Bentchers. You can’t fit enough people in your house to use as many bentchers as you have.  What, are you just going to give them out at your next kid’s wedding?

Dreidels.  Your kids keep coming home with dreidels, and you only play the game once over the entire course of Chanukah – on the ninth night, right before chassidishe shkiyah.

Reusable cloth bags.  Every business gives them out at conventions now, even though – and follow me closely here – all bags are reusable.  The only difference is that cloth bags don’t make embarrassing crinkling sounds.

Those little paring knives that you get for free when you watch a demonstration at Kmart.

Vintage magazines.

Chopsticks.  Every restaurant gives out chopsticks with their sushi, as if you don’t have any chopsticks at home, and you take them.  You might as well, because you just paid well over a dollar a bite for six pre-made bites of fish.  Are they actually disposable?  But then what are non-disposable chopsticks made out of?  Metal?  They’re just two barbecue skewers?  No one throws out their old chopsticks after they use them.  They can’t be any worse than that wooden spoon they give out for bedikas chometz, which reminds me:

That wooden spoon they give out for bedikas chometz.

The big box of single socks.  There are plenty of things people can do with your socks, such as use them as cleaning rags or make puppets, and you’re not going to do anything with them, because you’re still holding onto the slim hope that someday their significant others will come home.

Ketchup and soy sauce packets.  Also those little jellies they give you in the hospital.  Either the jellies are too small or the bread is too big.  Who uses so little jelly?  Is this in case I want to make one donut?

Calendars from different tzedakkah organizations.

Your kids. You have way too many of these lying around the house, and they’re pretty much useless.  All they do is make noise and fight.  So why not give them to your loved ones?

 

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?”  Put it with the others.  We’ll find a use for it.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Asking For A Fight”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Tekuma MKs Uri Ariel, Orit Strook and Zevulun Kalfa at a meeting Saturday night.
Jewish Home Unity Overcomes the ’Yesha Faction’
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-121214

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Schmutter-111414-Bed

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/asking-for-a-fight/2013/11/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: