web analytics
October 26, 2014 / 2 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



February 2013

Schmutter-020813

There are also companies now that sell things to stick on your car, like eyebrows, moustaches, etc., in case you want to give it some more personality.

Dear Mordechai,

My wife bought watermelon costumes on sale, so we decided to go with a watermelon theme for mishloach manos. We got watermelon sucking candies, watermelon taffies, and then we ran out of ideas. So we bought actual watermelons. How on earth am I supposed to carry a whole bunch of these around town, dressed as a watermelon?

Melon-colly

Dear Melon,

I don’t know. Strap yourself to the roof?

Dear Mordechai,

Do I have to give you mishloach manos?

Your chavrusah

Dear Your,

No. The truth is most people don’t really want to get mishloach manos. We just want to give. But the people we give will feel uncomfortable unless they can give us back. So we’re stuck in this whole awkward social thing, which is what the rabbis are trying to relieve. But on the other hand, we want to see each other on Purim and show off our car moustaches, and it’s weird to show up at someone’s house empty-handed, especially since we didn’t call before we came and we’re dressed as pirates and firemen. Sure, the yeshiva guys do it when they’re collecting, but there’s always one guy in each group of bochurim who, um, leaves a little something behind.

Dear Mordechai,

I just saw a car with a moustache drive by with a huge, screaming watermelon strapped to the roof rack. Should I stop drinking?

Still Sober

Dear Mordechai,

Someone I know gave me a gorgeous mishloach manos containing a grogger, a wind-up toy, some stickers, a twisty straw, a cute little notepad, and a pen. My question is, shouldn’t there be some food in there?

Still Fasting

Dear Still,

I don’t know. Maybe something’s edible. Start tasting things.

Dear Mordechai,

But I already heard the Megillah. Twice. What’s the grogger for?

Dear Still,

Breaking open watermelons.

Dear Mordechai,

I just woke up in a really bad neighborhood in a watermelon costume. Help! I think I need someone to pick me up.

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?” I’m going to be out picking up a watermelon guy. Just leave it on the doorstep.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “February 2013”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Broken headstones and monuments in the Mount of Olives cemetery.
Arabs Desecrate Mount of Olives Cemetery Again
Latest Sections Stories
Nimchinsky-102414-Flag

Over the course of the next couple of weeks we were planning our daily schedule by the minute. At any second we would have to change our plans. It was understood by everyone on the bus that this was not the normal agenda for the summer, but we still managed to have a ridiculous amount […]

Schonfeld-logo1

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

Kupfer-102414

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Michal had never been away from home. And now, she was going so far away, for so long – an entire year!

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-101014-Decorations

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Schmutter-logo-NEW

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Purim around here is crazy. And I’m not just talking about the amount of questions I get.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/february-2013/2013/02/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: