web analytics
July 4, 2015 / 17 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


February 2013

Schmutter-020813

There are also companies now that sell things to stick on your car, like eyebrows, moustaches, etc., in case you want to give it some more personality.

Dear Mordechai,

My wife bought watermelon costumes on sale, so we decided to go with a watermelon theme for mishloach manos. We got watermelon sucking candies, watermelon taffies, and then we ran out of ideas. So we bought actual watermelons. How on earth am I supposed to carry a whole bunch of these around town, dressed as a watermelon?

Melon-colly

Dear Melon,

I don’t know. Strap yourself to the roof?

Dear Mordechai,

Do I have to give you mishloach manos?

Your chavrusah

Dear Your,

No. The truth is most people don’t really want to get mishloach manos. We just want to give. But the people we give will feel uncomfortable unless they can give us back. So we’re stuck in this whole awkward social thing, which is what the rabbis are trying to relieve. But on the other hand, we want to see each other on Purim and show off our car moustaches, and it’s weird to show up at someone’s house empty-handed, especially since we didn’t call before we came and we’re dressed as pirates and firemen. Sure, the yeshiva guys do it when they’re collecting, but there’s always one guy in each group of bochurim who, um, leaves a little something behind.

Dear Mordechai,

I just saw a car with a moustache drive by with a huge, screaming watermelon strapped to the roof rack. Should I stop drinking?

Still Sober

Dear Mordechai,

Someone I know gave me a gorgeous mishloach manos containing a grogger, a wind-up toy, some stickers, a twisty straw, a cute little notepad, and a pen. My question is, shouldn’t there be some food in there?

Still Fasting

Dear Still,

I don’t know. Maybe something’s edible. Start tasting things.

Dear Mordechai,

But I already heard the Megillah. Twice. What’s the grogger for?

Dear Still,

Breaking open watermelons.

Dear Mordechai,

I just woke up in a really bad neighborhood in a watermelon costume. Help! I think I need someone to pick me up.

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?” I’m going to be out picking up a watermelon guy. Just leave it on the doorstep.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “February 2013”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
UN Human Rights Council
UN HRC Condemns Israel (But Not Hamas) for War Crimes
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

Orlando was once a place where people came only to visit and vacation. Now it is home to a burgeoning Torah community, a place Jewish families can be proud to call home.

South-Florida-logo

The smuggler’s life has been changed forever. He is faced with a major criminal charge. He will probably be sent to prison.

South-Florida-logo

“Thanks to a local philanthropist who shares our core mission, we now are able to connect more Jewish teens to Israel than ever before,” said Todd Cohn, executive director of Southern NCSY.

In September 2013 he was appointed head rabbi of the IDF Central Command and is currently in charge of special projects for the IDF chief rabbinate.

Last month we outlined how a few years after Judah Touro’s death a public movement was inaugurated by the citizens of New Orleans to erect a monument to his memory, and that opposition to this tribute came from a number of rabbis throughout the country who claimed that Judaism forbade the erection of any graven […]

Marceau suggested a dark reason for his wordless art: “The people who came back from the [concentration] camps were never able to talk about it…. My name is Mangel. I am Jewish. Perhaps that, unconsciously, contributed towards my choice of silence.”

Anna Henriques, who hopes to one day head back to Jamaica, says, “Rabbi Raskin must be willing to respect what exists in Jamaica. The way to the future is to gently bring in the traditions of the past and at the same time embrace the idiosyncrasies of the Jamaican people.”

The Silver Platter has it all: gorgeous photography, oodles of useful tips and, more importantly, incredible recipes that you will find yourself making again and again.

It may be that seeking to connect with the past is rooted in the impermanence and impersonality of modern life.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-M-NEW-logo

Wait. Why would I give you 22 minutes first? How about you give me the world, and then I give you the 22 minutes.

Schmutter-050815

For the most part, though, people tend to base their decision on how long the lines in the store are going to be.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

So generally, I dance for a few minutes and then stand off to the side with all the other people who don’t dance and feel like they have to make conversation, even though that’s when the music is the loudest.

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/february-2013/2013/02/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: