What does Jerry Seinfeld have to do with Knesset member Itamar Ben-Gvir?
If you’re hoping there’s a joke coming, I’m sorry to disappoint you. It’s one of the nonsensical questions from Nissan Shor’s article, “As Gaza Starves, Tel Avivians Act Like Bagel-Loving Jewish Hipsters in New York,” in Haaretz last weekend.
How nonsensical is it? Shor has a problem with Israeli TikTokers pronouncing salmon like “Solomon.” It is true that compared to life-and-death matters, foodie talk can seem pretentious. But Shor suggests New York Jews are more moral than Israeli Jews, and therefore only they deserve good bagels.
I happened to be eating while reading Shor’s article. Not bagels – I was eating a portobello mushroom and feared it was somehow hallucinogenic because I could not believe what I was reading. If the writer truly cared about starving people, I would hope that in addition to concerns about Gazans, he’d mention Evyatar David, 24, who was shown by Hamas in a tunnel digging his own grave, looking as emaciated as one could imagine. It’s too bad Shor was more bothered by mispronunciations of the “orange fish,” as he called it. (For the record, I certainly believe all efforts should be made to ensure Gazans don’t starve.)
But there is a method to this madness. In order to be an “As a Jew” Jew, one must pass the moral superiority litmus test. This includes ignoring or barely focusing on the hostages. It means ignoring Hamas, as Shor does in the article. The jury is out on whether or not he believes the terrorist group deserves bagels.
Shor is aware a two-state solution is not happening any time soon. Hamas assured this. But that also must not be mentioned by the “As a Jew” crowd.
It also goes without saying that there is nothing wrong with criticizing Israel and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Coleman Hughes of The Free Press has said this and added something that should not be controversial – that Israel represents the good guys, and Hamas represents the bad guys. He correctly added the caveat that there are war crimes in every war and all should be investigated.
But the idea that the entire country of Israel is immoral is a fantasy of Jew-haters. Hughes mentioned that during the Civil War, the North were the good guys and the South the bad guys, despite the North likely perpetrating its share of atrocities.
Shor thinks that he can turn more American Jews against Israel with an absurd metaphor about bagels. Who knows? I mean, how dare Tel Avivians become obsessed with bagels! He writes that three or four new places have opened up. I hope he brings this to the International Court of Justice.
“If we view the bagel as an icon of liberalism and humanism, it can’t be adopted by us,” Shor writes. “An Israeli bagel is a contradiction in terms. And even in their rosiest dreams, Israelis won’t be one with the bagel, not as things currently stand. How far we’ve strayed from our ‘brothers and sisters’ in the Diaspora in America. They see the world through the whole in the bagel, while some of us see it through a gun sight.”
To paraphrase what I believe NewsNation’s Chris Cuomo said, Israel is surrounded by an ocean of hate; America is surrounded by an ocean.
Perhaps some optometrists from Brooklyn can help Shor out. I see the world through the hole in my heart for all the innocent people brutalized. Why does Shor not mention the Israeli hostages starving in tunnels? Why is he not able to see that?
Then he dives off the deep end: “Due to its shape – no beginning and no end – bagels can symbolize the eternal circle of life. They were once considered lucky and as protection against the evil eye, so they were served at circumcisions and funerals. There’s a lot less life in Israel these days, and a lot more funerals, but bagels won’t save us from our fate. They won’t help us with our existence here, with or without lox or anything else.”
Shor seems to be implying that Israelis either deserve to die or at the very least will die in wars, and that a bagel as an appeal to culture won’t help against those who see Israel as a pariah.
Why does Shor not mention that with more joy than Jewish restaurant workers slice bagels for customers, Hamas cut the throats of Jews who wanted a Palestinian state.
The playbook of antisemites is to call Israeli soldiers Nazis. The playbook of “As a Jew” Jews is to only criticize Israel and offer no possible solutions.
Perhaps Shor believes he is a Bagel King deciding who should or should not have one. (Not elitist at all.)
But shmearing all of Israel as a villain works only on those who are brainwashed.
