Four-Part Series For The Three Weeks (Part III)
(To read Part I, click here and Part II click here.)
One of the kinnos that we say on Tisha B’Av, Kinnah #19, discusses how we failed to appreciate the many ways that Hashem helped us. Every verse lists an instance where Hashem provided for us or protected us, and then the kinnah goes on to express that we didn’t appreciate the good that Hashem had done. One example is how we witnessed His holiness at Har Sinai, something no other nation will ever experience. Our response to this special event was shameful when just 40 days later, we betrayed Hashem by making a golden calf. Another example is how Hashem nourished us with mon during our time in the desert. Our reaction was not only to take this heavenly food for granted, but to complain about it.
Unfortunately, the lack of gratitude described in this kinnah isn’t unique to the people of that generation. There is a human tendency to emphasize the negative things in our lives rather than focusing on the positive. To paraphrase a famous saying, we are annoyed that rose bushes have thorns, instead of appreciating that thorns have roses.
Being ungrateful is not simply a bad characteristic; it is antithetical to Judaism. The Jewish people are called Yehudim, the shoresh of which means “thanks.” This name expresses the directive of every to Jew to acknowledge and show gratitude to Hashem for His involvement in every aspect of our lives. According to Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, a prominent figure in the mussar movement, appreciating Hashem is the basis of our observance of all the mitzvos of the Torah. This might explain why the first word we say in the morning is “Modeh,” meaning thankful. Before doing anything else, we thank Hashem for the gift of life and for a new day on earth.
Cultivating appreciation and countering our negative bias requires conscious effort. One way that psychologists recommend bringing gratitude into our day is by taking a moment before getting out of bed each morning to think about three things that we are blessed to have in our life. This helps us start our day with a positive mindset. We should do this again before we close our eyes at night, finding three things in our day that we are grateful to have experienced – even small things. This might seem like an insignificant exercise, but it will help train our minds to find the good in our lives.
There was a tzaddik who was known for thanking Hashem for every bit of goodness that he experienced. If he dropped a glass bottle but it didn’t break, he would thank Hashem. If he walked through a dangerous area and was unharmed, he thanked Hashem. He realized that everything that happens is from Hashem, and therefore he showed appreciation for all good things, big or small.
There are many ways that we can apply this to our daily lives. If we’re running late in the morning but still manage to make it to work on time, we could thank Hashem. If we find a parking spot on a very crowded street, we can thank Hashem. Of course, there are so many more examples.
When we notice the good in our lives, we feel better, happier, more content. There is truth in the quote that “Happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather by recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” This is supported by positive psychology research, which shows that gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. This is because once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you lose sight of the things that you’re lacking. You start to count your blessings, instead of your problems.
